Bad pacing and poor characters: Improving Cinder x Lion by Swiftpaw

Swiftpaw tries to rewrite Cinder X Lion – what do you think of this interpretation?

Hello kits, fellow apprentices, warriors, and elders! Swift here with her second article, discussing how I would have written Cinder x Lion.
Here is the recipe for instant success when writing a ship.
1. Interesting characters
2. Importance in the plot-a minor tidbit of mine
3. Pacing

All right the first problem. The two characters. To be frank, Lionblaze and Cinderheart are BORING! The only thing Cinderheart has going for her is that she is a reincarnation. And Lion is a generic male protagonist. They had so much potential because of these two things. If I had memories like Cinderheart, has I would be scared to death and very unsure of herself. Heck they could have made her a stammering nervous wreck, afraid to say the wrong thing in case someone finds out her secret. That would have made for super interesting storyline. And great character development and she would have been way more than just Cinderpelt’s reincarnation.
Now on to Lion. He is quite the aggressive cat and kind of bloodthirsty. But those key traits are barely shown other than that one time he thought about killing Heathertail. They could have gone so far with those characteristics, making him a very ruthless cat that needs to learn to care and love. And perhaps seeing Cinderpaw’s vulnerability could have softened him. She teaches him the importance of being gentle and he teaches her confidence.

Okay onto the next point. I feel like we could really get enjoyable moments between Lion and Cinder if Cinder wasn’t such a background character and actually got some importance to the plot. This leads me to believe that Cinderheart should have been the fourth cat. Yes, not Ivypool, definitely not Firestar, and not Mothwing, or Flametail. The reason I cross out Firestar is because he has so much attention and he basically does nothing. Hollyleaf was never destined to be the fourth cat, though I wish she was. Mothwing and Flametail just helped and Ivypool already has enough attention. Cinderheart has the awesome abilities to remember healing herbs, StarClan secrets (I think because Cinderpelt was med cat and did go to StarClan), and different battle moves lost to time. This gives us a better explanation why she was reincarnated, and it means StarClan wasn’t playing god.

The most major issue with this ship is the pacing. The pacing is abysmal. They go on one date, ignore each other, date each other a moon later and then Russetfur dies, they break up for a YEAR and get back together in one page. Perhaps make them become friends first and make them confide in each other because that makes it believable and not abrupt. And make sure you don’t leave such big gaps between dates. Now onto the breakup Lets say Russetfur is killed and Lionblaze had clearly gone to far. Cinderheart is scared she breaks up. At first Lion blames his powers then realizes he was to bloodthirsty and fights to show Cinder he is an honorable warrior. And then they get back together again. That is healthy pacing.
Alright everybody, this has been fun and all, but I have to sign out and beat up some mice. Bye!