[image description: mistyfoot, thistleclaw, brambleclaw, firepaw, and ravenpaw are depicted with literal representations of their names]

Taking Warrior Names Literally (In A Funny Way!) by Flamefire

Flamefire takes warrior names literally.

Art by iycewing

Hello, it’s Flamefire! I got this idea from another article, so I decided to do my own. Basically, if you don’t know (I didn’t know what it was till a few minutes ago – or, for you, like a few months, since it’ll take a long time for this article to publish), these types of articles are about taking a warrior name and taking a literally, and then joking about it. (Some of the jokes may seem cruel, but I like most of the cats, so please don’t be offended! It’s just a joke.) Let’s start.

1. Lionblaze: Where’d this come from? Where did Firestar get the “blaze” suffix? I’m pretty sure Lionblaze was the first cat with that as his suffix, but I guess all suffixes have to start somewhere. I mean, the name IS accurate – Lionblaze is probably like a blazing lion in battle… is that why Firestar did that? We’ll never know – maybe he just thought having a blazing lion in his clan would be cool?

2. Heavystep: How did his mother know he’d be a sludgy-walking adult/elder? Did she get a vision? Or maybe she was just really cruel to her kits? Seriously, who names their kit “Heavykit”?! I’m surprised his mother didn’t request his warrior name be Heavybelly. A heavy step. That’s what he is. That’s all. Just a simple, reliable heavy step.

3. Loudbelly: Ah, yes, a loud belly! Who knew bellies could be loud? He made it possible! You go, Loudbelly! You’re rocking that very loud belly.

4. Dustpelt: If his pelt was made of dust, wouldn’t it just drift away? Then he’d have no pelt, right?

5. Berrynose: His nose is a berry! What kind of berry? Blueberry or raspberry? I’d vouch for blueberry, honestly.

6. Ferncloud: A cloud made of ferns! How would that even work? Wouldn’t it be dangerous? I mean, if I saw a cloud of ferns heading my way, I’d be pretty scared ’cause I can’t go through ferns like I can normal clouds…

7. Tallpoppy: Whoa, look, kids! It’s a tall poppy! It’s so much taller than the other poppies – that’s not… weird…

8. Scorchfur: Ouch. That must hurt. How’s he still got fur? Shouldn’t it have been scorched off or something? If it’s “scorchfur”?

9. Sunstrike: Is that your idea of vicious? Striking the star that gives us light? That’s mean to the sun, and plus it’d probably burn you if you tried to strike it.

10. Antpelt: That’s scary to imagine. Just think, a pelt made of live ants. They’d be crawling around, different colors of black, red, gray, brown… it gives me shivers just thinking about it. It would also be very, very itchy, I’d assume.

11. Grasspelt: A pelt made of grass. You’d never be able to stalk prey again, because the grass would always be rustling and drifting with the wind. Not to mention it’d also be itchy, like the ant pelt! And imagine the creepy crawlies that could hide in such a pelt?

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