The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Raven flew onto a table and squawked, “In my opinion, MATH IS NOT MENTAL ABUSE TO HUMANS!”
Right after he said that, the twitter label for “this came is being disputed” popped up above feir head.
“I agree with that statement. What’s that Twitter thing doing there?” Sparkpaw jumped over Raven’s head and batted at the label, claws unsheathed, before crashing down onto the floor with an oof.
“Math is awesome!” Smokey agreed from on top of the banister. She attempted to leap at the twitter label only to careen off it and smack into a wall.
“I agree!” Shimmers said. “But that Twitter label is worrying!” She jumped up next to Sparkpaw and raven, who were helping Smokey back up onto the table. (Do you have a nickname Sparkpaw and, or do you just like to be called Sparkpaw?) She tapped at the sign gently, so she didn’t hurt herself if she hit it too hard. Then, she felt around the edges of the label and discovered that it had sides.
“Interesting…,” Shimmers mewed. “It appears that the label has at least a bottom and sides, and hopefully a top!” She jumped onto a taller table that was about level with the label.
“Don’t move, Raven!” Shimmers said. She leaped off of the table onto the top of the sign. Then, she pulled a flag with her pelt pattern and colors on it and stabbed it into the sign.
“I claim this label as mine!” Shimmers yowled.
(I like to be called Sparkpaw, but you can call me Spark if you’d like!)
“Wow!” Sparkpaw calls, grinning. “What are you going to do with it now? Keep it? Shred it? Examine it? Put it in a box for a million years? Stick it in quarantine? Send it to outer space?” She pauses, thinking. “Set it on fire? Freeze it? Turn it into cupcakes? Turn it into lava? Turn it into bread? Oooh, or use it on other disputed statements?”
“Hmmm…” Shimmers mewed. “That’s a good question!”
Raventhornpaw, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? Time to create MATC
Mental
Abuse
To
Cats
“Math make my brain hurt”
“Agreed,” Strawberrykit sighed.
Golden was on a table, trying to finish her math homework that was due TomOrroW. Even though she was trying, the letters and numbers kept floating off the page for no reason. “Darn it!”
“Ugh!” Shimmers hissed, herding the letters and numbers back onto the page. “The Hazelpage is acting up!” More letters floated around and started bonking her on the head. She glared at them furiously.
“That’s it! Twitter labels and now this?” Shimmers growled furiously. She glared around the room. “Who is doing all of this!?”
Dawny ate one of the letters on their way out of the hazelpage
“Anyone wanna fangirl over MHA? My favorite characters are Todoroki, Denki, the red guy, Bakugou, Lida guy, and of course, my smol bean, Deku.” Frost sighed, and then turned on the tv.
“I do ship Shoto and Deku. I’d rather leave, though.”
“Ooh I mean that is a great ship.”
“Ooh mine are Kaminari, Tokoyami, Uraraka, Bakugou, and Yaoyarozu. By the way, the red guy is Kirishima. He’s pretty cool too.” Rabbitflame gushed while eating a bowl of cereal.
Springkit looks around and randomly says, ¨ I want french fries and ketchup.¨
Vip threw french fries at Springkit. “We’re out of ketchup, here’s some ranch!” she sprayed ranch haphazardly at the walls and ceiling by accident.
Holly walks in and screams, “Someone has murdered my ketchup!”
Viper dropped the bottom of ketchup and stared blankly. “What ketchup?”
“What do you mean we’re out of ketchup?!” Shimmers mewed, clapping her paws hurriedly. A large bottle of ketchup appeared on the table along with a basket of fries.
Shimmers opened the bottle, about to put some of the ketchup into a container for Springkit, when someone running across the Hazelpage stepped on it, squirting Shimmers and everyone around her.
“ARGH!” Shimmers hissed. She clapped her paws to get the ketchup off, but since the Haelpagey magic was being mean, she just ended up dumping a huge bucket of water over herself.
“Well,” Shimmers mewed, glancing at her pelt. “At least it isn’t ketchup!” She looked over at the fries, about to hand them to Springkit, but they were soaked. “NO!!! The fries are wet!”
“SOGGY FRIES!!” Viper yelled, running away at full speed and launching herself into a fish tank. “Well, now they just look like normal fries from in here!”
“Oh, yes! Definitely,” Shimmers responded. She dumped the soggy fries in with Viper and ran away as fast as possible.
“I want a life,” Frost muttered. “give me MHA.”
“Hm…” Dawny considered “No.” They decided
“I’m dead.”
“Then how are you still talking if you’re dead?” Hawkwhisker asked.
“Magic.”
Coldie meows back. “I want poutine with ketchup and mayo, no ranch, and one burger!” (Now I’m craving this…)
“Yayyy! We get to have french fries for this page!” Silvy snatched a huge box of french fries and started gobbling it down.
Redblaze pops up from the pit she’s been hiding in.
“You can’t ruin chips with ketchup >:(” she mews
“YES YOU CAN!!” Screeches Holly and lunges for the ketchup.
“Uh, guys…” Hawkwhisker mewed, “We’ve got a problem….ACID RAAIIIINNNN!!!!!” As they ran for cover.
“Oh it’s fine, I survived through my MHA obsession. I think i’ll be fine.” Frost called, looking outside.
Silvy looked horrified, staring at Frost in utter disbelief as she squeezed down in her corner.
“YOUR corner?!” Shimmers hissed. “You know what? I’m done with this argument, you can have it!” She made severe boxes of fries appear in a different corner as bait for Silvy to leave her corner, though.
“Sorry, but french fries are no match for rainbow cookies!” Silvy informed Shimmers, “Cookies are the best things to ever exist.”
Shimmers clapped her paws and platters and platters of rainbow cookies, cupcakes, and sodas appeared in the corner with the fries.
“Oh, acid rain itself isn’t dangerous,” Sparkpaw observes. “It’s when the pollutants in acid rain are in the air is when it’s dangerous. According to the EPA, breathing in these polluted particles can damage your lungs and heart.”
Silvy stared at Sparkpaw confused, not understanding a single word she (what are your pronouns?) said.
“I thought acid rain was supposed to singe your fur off,” Silvy mewed slowly.
(My pronouns are she/her- thanks!)
“Acid rain is really dangerous to the ecosystem, especially to aquatic ones, and it also damages buildings, but (technically, the article said humans, not cats) we can walk in it without getting hurt- wait… what do you mean by acid rain?” Sparkpaw pauses, her whiskers twitching nervously. “Acid rain as in contaminated rainwater, or acid rain as in acid falling from the sky???“
Hawkwhisker pulled out an umbrella. It melted in the acid rain. “This acid rain melted my umbrella,” Hawkwhisker mewed, “so it must be dangerous.”
“I have this page!” Dawny yelled into the mass of cats “It’s uh… kinda like a hazel page for apprentices!” They yeeted a secret page link labeled “Apprentice
ArmyParty” into the hazelpage and ran awayMinnow stumbled in very ungracefully. “What is going on?”
Viper pelted Minnow with chicken tenders. “Hi minnow!!”
Minnow picked up the fallen chicken tenders and throws them back at Viper. “Hi Viper!!!”
Viper caught one in aer moluth and swallowed it whole. “How are you doing??”
Topazkit is confused by all the chicken nuggets flying around the room
“MHA FOR LIFE!” Frost screamed
Hawkwhisker paused from running. “ACID RAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNN!!!!!”
“No one knows what happens here. Once we step out, we forget.” Captain meowed mysteriously, the long coat she grabbed from a dresser a few pages back trailing behind her.
“All sorts of chaos,” Silvy smiled, “Welcome to the Hazelpage, the home of unexpected things. Here, we eat food, do magic, create disasters, get into fights and do weird things.”
Silvy waved her paws and a new batch of rainbows cookies appeared out of thin air.
Silvy handed on to Minnow, mewing, “Who missed the cookies? Unfortunately, all the original cookies, purple cookies and porble cookies are gone but here’s some rainbow ones!”
“Hey!” Shimmers cried. “I thought we all decided that the Hazelpage is DONE with cookies!” She clapped her paws and the rainbow cookies turned into rainbow cupcakes. “This is our new signature food!” she exclaimed, pointing at the cupcakes. She clapped her paws and the rainbow layer sodas appeared next to the cupcakes.
“Oh, and you can’t have rainbow cupcakes without rainbow layer sodas!” Shimmers added.
Viper squinted at the rainbow food options. Touching one, it turned porble. “YAY!!” SHaking up a soda and opening it, ae suddenly remembered why you’re not supposed to shake soda before opening it.
“You just ruined the layers!” Shimmers mewed. “Now the flavors are all mixed together!”
Shimmers clapped her paws and hers was in a glass, clearly showing the layers. She pulled out a classroom size rolling chalkboard and drew a diagram of the soda, pointing at various places with her tail.
“Each layer is a different flavor!” Shimmers explained. “When you touch one, it switches to your automatic preference. The color doesn’t always match the flavor, though! Otherwise yellow would be pineapple or lemon and blue would be blue raspberry!” She made a face.
Viper frowned at the chalkboard. “Which flavor tastes like fire?”
“Ummmmmmm…” Shimmers mewed. “I mean if that is your natural preference of soda flavor, then it could be any of the layers, but I’d guess red, yellow, or orange.” Shimmers floated off with her drink, leaving Viper sipping experimentally at her soda.
“Ehem, if you didn’t remember, I added the rainbow cupcakes to the Hazelpage, which means I can’t make it disapear, since I created it,” Silvy mewed, crossing her arms, “And cookies are the best, no matter what.”
(joke)
djhieidow so many typos
can*
“WHO WANTS TO GO TO SPACE!!” Topaz said as she opened a portal to an alternate universe.
“Hmm…” Shimmers mewed. “Did you know that space travel does things to you? It can make it harder for you to walk for a bit when you get back because you aren’t used to gravity. Also, it can change the shape of your heart and make you taller.” She earned a few horrified expressions with that.
“That’s why I do not want to go to space!” Shimmers cried. “Also, it doesn’t seem like you are giving us space suits or oxygen tanks, so I’ll pass.” She ran away to a corner and huddled there where no one could reach her.
“MEEEEEEEEE!” Silvy immediately leaped up from her corner, grabbed Shimmers so she wouldn’t steal her corner and dived into the portal, firmly holding onto Shimmers as they went threw.
Shimmers hissed with horror as she zoomed through the portal. Silvy had had the bright idea to hang onto her tail, so it felt like it was being ripped off. Shimmers kicked out at Silvy knocking her off and diving back through the portal.
Shimmers flopped on the ground in HER corner. Then, she tossed a cat space suit and oxygen tank through the portal so that Silvy could breathe. The spacesuit had a safety cord that was attached to the ground outside the portal so that Silvy didn’t float off either.
“I like looking at space and the stars, but I don’t like actually going there!” Shimmers cried. Then, she tossed the soggy fries—and only the soggy ones—through the portal after Silvy.
“You’ll need something to eat, too!” Shimmers yowled, then paused. “Then again, I don’t know how you’ll eat through the spacesuit….”
Silvy didn’t answer, as she was already floating out into space, the soggy fries grasped firmly in her paws.
through*
“Moonstar? Hey, uh, take me to the canon Warrior Cat universe please!” Soon a magic portal opened for Hawkwhisker. “Thank you!”
Cindy bursts in. “Anyone wanna play Minecraft?” Ae asks. “I’ll start a world!” She says.
Ae turns to Viper and asks, “May I have a root beer float and some waffle fries with Polynesian sauce? I think 23 pixels should cover that. Thanks!” They hand the pixels to Viper.
“Sounds fun!”
Silvy joins.
chat
<Cindy> hey!
“Alright!” Captain meows enthusiastically. She grabs her device and joins the world.
“Oooh, does anyone watch Death Note?” Rabbitflame asks
while being 5 minutes late for school.“Go to school.” Hawkwhisker said.
Swirlfeather tensed as she was about to hear her friend’s words “I’m sorry. We ran out of nuggies” mewed Snowblossom (friend’s OC lol) solemnly. “NO! YOURE LYING! SAY IT ISNT SO”
¨Welp. I´ve been missing out.¨ Tigerpaw says, examining the chaos. ¨Still crazy though.¨
“Oh, yes,” Shimmers agreed, still dripping wet with bits of ketchup here and there. “Here! Have some rainbow cupcakes, layer sodas, and cookies!” She handed a platter stacked with the three to Tigerpaw. “Scroll to this post to learn the layer soda flavors… I’m too lazy to explain again!”
Shimmers grabbed a cupcake and soda, putting them on her plate, then returned to scrubbing the water off with a towel.
“This page has been especially exciting!” Silvy informed Tigerpaw.
“Tigerpaw, run! THERE’S ACID RAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hawkwhisker yowled.
Twilightpaw, new to the Hazelpage, squinted around at the chaos in front of her. She stared at all the rainbow-coloured food littering the floor, and all the cats. “What is going on here? Was there a massive food fight?” She glanced over at the ordering place, running her tongue over her paw. “You cats look like an experienced bunch. What would you say is the best food here?”
“This is normal for this page!” Shimmers mewed gleefully from her corner. “Oh, and did you mean the best food for throwing or eating? For throwing, that would be pie, but for eating that would be these!”
Shimmers pointed with her tail to a platter filled with rainbow cookies, cupcakes, and layer sodas. “I hope you like it here!” she mewed happily. “The Hazelpage is my favorite page!”
“This seems like a nice place to hang out,” Twilightpaw meowed decisively. “And the food looks prime. Thanks, Shimmers!” Twilightpaw picked up a cupcake and settled on the ground to eat.