The Hazelpage

The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.

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[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]

Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.

Notice Board:
(OOC) Hi everyone! It's been a few weeks since the blog post about the arson jokes was made and we've been observing the Hazelpage during that time.

While the more extreme jokes that make BlogTeam genuinely concerned have died down, the frequency of general arson-related jokes have remained relatively the same on this page, and that could present an issue because the Hazelpage was one of the driving forces behind the evolution of the arson jokes. It wasn't talked about in the blog post because we felt that it wasn't as important as the overall message, but it nonetheless remains true. The Hazelpage historically has been a page where nonsense can be piled on top of other nonsense, and that loose atmosphere helped urge the arson jokes from a rare meme to a constant stream. There have been a couple of concerns raised to us about the Hazelpage and we're currently mulling over what to do with it. Unfortunately, there isn't thatmuch of an easy solution, which means that it's going to take time.

Since we don't want things to get out of hand during that time, we are going to keep all future comments on this page unmoderated. We don't want to keep people from commenting, but it's clear to us that the Hazelpage is going to need a little bit more work than the rest of the blog.

-Blogteam

11,715 comments

  • Minnow looked around and casually climbed on top of a chair. She yells, “WHO ELSE IS THINKING THIS IS CHAOS??” Suddenly, something slimy landed in one hand (paw).She tossed it at a table, and it landed with a slap.

  • Everpaw walks in with a basket, sees all the chaos, goes to the corner with food, fills her basket with cupcakes, shouts something, sits in a corner, and starts eating the cupcakes. After she finished her 4th cupcake, she looks around and says, confused, “What is going on here?”

    • “Well,” Shimmers started, “there are soggy fries, a portal to space, a Twitter label belonging to me, acid rain, and some mean Haelpagey magic!” She pointed with her tail at each thing in turn.

      • “How about a compromise?” Shimmers asked. “Cupcakes and cookies!” She made a platter of both appear, as if to prove her point.

        • Twilightpaw padded over, gazing hopefully at Shimmers and Silvy- and of course, also the platter. “Hey… can we be friends? And also, can I have a cupcake and a cookie?”

          • “Definitely!” Shimmers mewed happily. She handed Twilightpaw a plate with a cupcake and cookie. She thought for a second and then handed Twilightpaw a rainbow layer soda as well.

  • “Mha mha mha, Kirishima. Denki is nice. Mha. Deku deku. Bakugou pow.” Frost muttered, rocking back and forth on the floor

  • 🦦 ♥ 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚒𝚜 𝚁𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚂𝚆! ♥🦦 says:

    “The Codekind almost destroyed us- thank goodness the mods were able to fix it!” Minktail purrs, smiling.

  • Poppypaw slowly crept into the Hazelpage,watching for any fire or weapons. Once she was sure there was nothing too dangerous going on,she sat down next to Minktail.

      • “What the-” Poppypaw was cut off as she stared at Hawkwhisker with the flamethrower. “Uh,thanks for the potato.” she murmured,backing away.

        • Springkit snatches the potato and makes French fries with her Magic Food Maker 3000. “There, French fries for everyone!” She then proceeds to go get a coke from under her coat because you know, you always gotta be prepared for the hazelpage.

          • “EXCUSE you!” Shimmers growled, snatching the Coke away. “We drink rainbow layer sodas here! Not COKE!” She replaced the Coke with a layer soda.

      • “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Shimmers yowled. “THOU SHALT NOT BURN THE HAZELPPAGE!!!!!!!” She grabbed a huge pail of water out of thin air and splashed it on the flames, putting them out. They were about to be replaced by more flames when Shimmers splashed the water onto Hawkwisker as well, causing them to drop the flamethrower.

    • “FIREEEEEEE!” Silvy bellowed, as she threw magic potatos around the room, creating flames everywhere.

    • 🦦 ♥ 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚒𝚜 𝚁𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚂𝚆! ♥🦦 says:

      “Hi, Poppypaw,” Minktail mewed, casually ducking as Hawkwhisker pulled out the flamethrower. “Want some cookies? I may or may not have stolen them from Silvy a couple pages back.” She smirked mischievously, offering Poppypaw a purple cookie.

      • “That isn’t possible I’m afraid,” Silvy frowned, “They can’t be my cookies since I ran out a few pages ago and I only got them back last page. The original cookies ran out quite a while ago.” Silvy grabbed the cookie out of Minktail’s paws and inspected it, looking very confused. “Also, the purple cookies ran out first,” Silvy murmured.

          • Silvy continued throwing magic potatoes everywhere, especially at Shimmer’s sheild as she watched it bounce off the invisible sheild and fly over everyone’s head and set more flames.

            • Shimmers calmly licked her paw. “I’ll make the fire disappear when it gets too out of hand,” she mewed, strengthening her shield just in case.

  • wolli rolled off the table hir was laying on and onto the floor, “does anyone have some chewing gum?” they asked

      • “And I have rainbow cookies, cupcakes, and layer sodas!” Shimmers chimed in. She held out a tray to Wolli. “Also, chewing gum is toxic to cats, and we are all cats on the Hazelpage!”

        • “I’m a cat??” Rose looked down at himself and screamed. “OH MY GOD I’M A CAT.” After he screamed, he took a bite out of one of Shimmer’s rainbow cookies. “Nothing made with rainbows can be poisonous.”

          • “Everyone’s a cat on the Hazelpage!” Shimmers said. “You didn’t know?”

    • “I always have gummmm!” Frost throws gum everywhere

    • “YOU’LL NEVER GET MY GUM! You’ll burn before you do!” Hawkwhisker said proudly as the Hazelpage burned. “THE HAZELPAGE IS BURNING DOWN, BURNING DOWN, BURNING DOWN! THE HAZE-” A random cat yeeted Hawkwhisker’s gum to Wolli.

      • “No!” Shimmers yowled, intercepting the gum and throwing it out a window. “Gum is TOXIC to cats!”

      • “STOP BURNING DOWN THE HAZELPAGE, UNLESS YOU WANT US TO ALL SUFFOCATE OR BURN TO DEATH!” Sparkpaw screams, freaking out. She picks up a fire extinguisher and starts spraying it all over the place.

        • Silvy simply threw a magic potato at the fire extinguisher and it disapeared in a cloud of smoke and flames, accidentally setting Sparkpaw’s fur on fire. “Oops,” Silvy mewed, backing away slowly.

          • Sparkpaw yelped with fear and stop-drop-rolled, putting out her smoking fur. Waving her paws frantically at the ceiling, she tried to use magic to put out the fire but accidentally starts a thunderstorm instead. “Oops… oh, hey, there is rain though…what do I do now?” she asks, glancing desperately at Silvy and Shimmers (who actually knew how to cast magic spells.)

            • Shimmers clapped her paws, frantically trying to send the thunderstorm away. She succeeded in making it not a thunderstorm anymore (so there wouldn’t be lightning), but also started raining harder. A hole about half the size of a cat also appeared, probably so that the Hazelpage wouldn’t flood and the water would have somewhere to go.
              “Well, I did what I could,” Shimmers sighed. She strung a hammock up on the underside of a table and draped a tarp over the table, so she wouldn’t get wet from the rain.
              Then, Shimmers crawled into it with her audio book at the highest volume that wouldn’t hurt her ears.

                • “Hey! Amber! Come hear right now and eat that cat!” Leopardkit says pointing at Hawk’s evil version. Then she watches as her pet lion eats Hawk the evil.

              • “NOOOOOOOO! THE FIRE!” Silvy wailed as she flew up into the stormy clouds and disappeared in depression.

    • “What do you mean?” Shimmer asked. “In the Hazelpage, time is not a thing!! Wait, if time isn’t a thing here, then… how do I know what it is???”

    • “Of course I want to play Pixel Perfect,
      It is absolutely worth it.
      Even though it takes forever
      Because I can’t really ever
      Think of a rhyme
      But I’m doing pretty well this time
      So everybody join in this game
      It isn’t lame
      On the Hazelpage (which is just chaos)
      What counts as a loss?
      Spending an entire day to make a rhyme this long
      Or maybe just trying to prove someone wrong”
      Says Everpaw, while watching cat set fires with their paws,
      “This place must have no laws.”

    • “Does Pixel Perfect
      Rhyme with
      Pixel Perfect
      Rhyme with
      Pixel Perfect
      Yes it does.” Leopardkit rhymes as well as she can. “Sorry, I’m not good at Pixel Perfect”.

  • Red walks into the Hazelpage after spending an entire month of vaer life binging the entire MCU timeline for no reason whatsoever there was a reason, WandaVision. “Sup peeps?!” vae calls into the clamor.

    • Silvy threw a whole bag of porble cookies at Red is excitement as she dropped flaming magic potatoes everywhere.

  • Navy parked her TARDIS outside and wandered in absently. “I suppose it’s been a while? What year is this? When was I even last here?”

    • “There’s no thing such as time here,” Silvy responded, “It could have been a minute ago or maybe a billion years ago.” Silvy shrugged as she handed Navy a couple of porble cookies and carelessly threw a magic potato behind her.

      • “Thanks!” Navy’s eyes widened with delight as she took a bite of one of the cookies. “I suppose things can get very difficult around here without the concept of time, especially when you throw in the possibility of time travel.”

    • “It’s been 5 years since you disappeared in 2021. It’s now 2026 and I’d like to welcome you back to reality. Or IS it reality or just a trick of your mind? Huh!” Says Holly casually (Hi I don’t know you but uh hi??)

    • “NAVYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” Aquila screeches, rushing over and nearly tripping over a chair leg. She reaches Navy and grins happily, taking her vortex manipulator out of the pocket of her surgical scrubs (I got a new obsession oops), “How are you?” she asks happily, fiddling with the vortex manipulator because she fidgets constantly.

  • Springkit jumps onto a table and yells ¨I WANT GUACAMOLE, BYRANI, ALBAIK CHICKEN BURGERS, AND JAIRO¨
    she then sobs because she lives and america, the nearest albaik is 6 hours away, and the real quality albaik is halfway around the world in Saudi Arabia. And her mom isn´t letting her go buy jairo from the Jairo Man (idk why i call him that but istg that vendor SELLS THE ABSOLUTE BEST JAIRO IN NEW YORK[city or state you will never know >:D]) AND ALL THEH AVACADOS ARE ROTTEN AND IN THE TRASH (insert the rest of springkits food rant here)

    • “I want chicken curry with naan and poppadoms. No dips, yes I like it DRY!” Holly says in a very casual voice.

  • Me: *walks in* “CAN I HAVE A PEPPERMINT?” *Looks at everyone staring at her.* “What? Does anyone know what I’m on about otherwise I’m just weird.” (I don’t even know what my brain is doing but it is a very catchy song soooooooo…)

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