The Hug Page

The Hug Page is here. Because, whoever we are, we still need hugs. This is still the best place to come if you’re feeling sad and need a hug from BlogClan…

Fading Echoes

(Sh! This is a new Hug Page. You can find the old one here)

  19,376 Replies to “The Hug Page”

  1. Wintershadow
    December 6, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    I’m back! Anyway, I just need some advice on none other than…….. boys. My situation is complicated. So, a guy at my school (Brownpaw) likes me, and I used to like him, but I don’t anymore. And a guy at my youth group (Icepaw) likes me and I kinda sorta like him. Who should I choose? Heeelp me!

    • Leafsong (Leaves That Adorn Christmas Garland)
      December 6, 2018 at 7:50 pm

      Choose who ever you feel most comfortable with 🙂 However, I would choose Icepaw since you sorta like him back! But then again I suck with relationships sooooo good luck is all I can really say 😛

    • Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfie)
      December 6, 2018 at 7:51 pm

      I think you should probably choose Icepaw. If you don’t like Brownpaw you probably won’t be happy with him, while if you sorta like Icepaw you’ll be happy with him. Don’t be scared that you’ll hurt Brownpaw’s feelings, because if he does like you, he’ll want the best for you. Which isn’t you being unhappy. I’ve never been in this sort of situation before (mostly because my crushes never like me back) but I hope you can sort it out. Good luck with it! Huggles!


      Can't wait for Christmas

    • December 8, 2018 at 1:19 am

      Make whatever choice you think would be best. You don’t need to force yourself into any relationships you don’t feel comfortable with. I’m sorry I’m so bad at relationship advice, but good luck *hugs*


      Time for cinnamon pinecones!🌲

  2. December 7, 2018 at 3:28 am

    I feel ugly. My best friend is super attractive and already has two ex’s. I am super insecure about the way I look. I’m not anorexic or anything, but I feel unattractive and like I’ll be single forever.


    =^0.0^=

    9
    • Cloud That Loves Christmas (Cloudymoon)
      December 7, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      Don’t be like that! I’m sure that somewhere there’s a guy who is mooning over you 🙂


      3
      • December 9, 2018 at 3:32 am

        Wait, are you CloudymoontheCat on Wattpad?


        =^0.0^=

    • December 7, 2018 at 5:09 pm

      DO NOT EVER THINK THAT, RAVENMIST!!! You are just the way God meant for you to be! He doesn’t make mistakes! Who cares what you’re best friend looks like? At least you will end up with some one that truly loves you and not be breaking up with a dude after you have dated him for less than 20 minutues! It is okay! You will find some one! Someone that truly cares for you and someone that God has chosen for you. YOU AND YOU ONLY!!!


      Hello, I am Spottedpaw.

      4
      • December 8, 2018 at 6:05 pm

        I love this. Is it ok if I show this to my parents later on?


        *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

        • Festive Foxies Frisking Through Snowflakes
          December 8, 2018 at 11:58 pm

          Preach Spottie! 🙏🏽 (I actually don’t know your official nickname yet though haha)


          ☆ dreams with the angels ☆

    • Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfpelt/paw)
      December 7, 2018 at 6:49 pm

      Don’t worry, I’m sure you are beautiful. I personally think it is better to wait for the ‘real’ one, instead of dating someone for sometime then breaking up with them. I’m sure you’ll have a boyfriend, soon because you’re such a nice and kind person. Huggles <3 (I suck at giving advice….)


      Can't wait for Christmas

      1
    • December 7, 2018 at 7:52 pm

      I have never related so much 😛 well, not about the single thing as I couldn’t care less at the moment, but s a m e about my friends being like models and already having ex’s and then there’s me 😛

      I have no advice so let’s just suffer together, it’ll get better <33


      Like a flare in the air ~

      1
    • Festive Foxies Frisking Through Snowflakes
      December 7, 2018 at 9:53 pm

      What matters is that you have a beautiful soul and heart 🙂 It doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not. The right person will love for you who are, no matter what you look like. I envy other people as well who are more beautiful or are better at something than I am. You gotta love yourself. You gotta get out there are say “This is me!” You are beautiful just the way you are! And your friend who had two ex’s?? I assure you they didn’t break up because they weren’t handsome or beautiful enough to each other. Cause that’s just stupid tbh. It’s more of the emotional connection and attraction. Or maybe something happened that they broke up. You see I’ve had an ex before. And he wasn’t the most handsome guy in the world but he was super sweet and loving. The reason we broke up was because of not enough time and the distance between us. Another reason is that I didn’t like him anymore, not because he wasn’t attractive, but because I just didn’t FEEL anything anymore (believe me, it happens). Also our relationship wasn’t even close. Like it was close on TEXT but in real life? It wasn’t the same and I didn’t want that. I don’t care if he thought I was beautiful. Sure it flattered me but I mean if you had someone who only liked you because you’re pretty?? Well……(I mean he did love me for me [I hope] but that isn’t the point)

      People need to love each other not just because they’re beautiful or handsome. They need to love each other as a whole. Your looks do not define you. You know what does? Your heart. Your soul. How you treat others. How you treat yourself. You need to love yourself because there are so many people out there (I’m sure) who love you. But if you don’t love yourself because you think you’re ugly? Is that all? Don’t drag yourself down because you think you aren’t beautiful enough for someone (or for yourself). If they think you’re not beautiful or physically attractive, well that’s THEIR problem. And right now, you have the problem and I think you need to stay strong and say “I am beautiful just the way I am.” True beauty comes from the inside. People can be attractive and gorgeous (like celebrities…..*sighs with envy*) but what are they like on the inside (don’t worry there are lots of celebrities who are super nice and encouraging)?? People judge others and themselves for how they look all the time. But really they need to open their eyes and see that there is only ONE of them in the entire world. ONLY one. You are special! You are unique! Even twins! They aren’t the same either. And I think you need to be proud of that. And don’t envy your friend for having 2 ex’s. I mean how is that a good thing? I mean at least he/she experienced the relationships and hopefully grew and matured during that time. But you shouldn’t envy someone because two people loves them but then they broke up with each other. That means it wasn’t a healthy relationship, or it simply just wasn’t the right person. Everyone will probably date a lot of people in their lifetime. But that’s what makes them grow. They learn new lessons and know what they look for in their soulmate. Don’t judge a person if you haven’t walked their journey. You should be proud to be single. You know why? Well because firstly you need to figure out who YOU are first and YOU need to love yourself. Also you need a job and college and all that stuff in life. But anyway secure yourself first and know that you are beautiful and will do great things in life. Then you can have other people come in. Because people can distract you. They (can) tell you who you should be and who you are. But they can also encourage you and comfort you. And that’s great! But in this world, what is the one big thing we compare ourselves to? That’s right: Other people. Right now just shove everyone and everything to the back of your head. This may seem selfish but think of yourself for a moment. What do you see? Are you kind? Do you think you’re generous and helpful? Do you have faults (of course everyone does)? Again, looks don’t define you. You know some people go through plastic surgery and other stuff to look beautiful. But why? I mean…..it’s heartbreaking to see that they don’t think they’re beautiful enough that they need to add FAKE things to make themselves better. No we do not all need to be Barbie dolls! No one is perfect! We all have faults and make mistakes and we all think that we are never good enough. You see that is the one big thing that humans think of. They always see the negativity in things. Someone can be really good in school but then suddenly gets a B or something. And what do they and everyone else do? Yup they all focus on that ONE B.

      Now imagine for a moment that that B represents physical beauty and/or attractiveness. We all focus on that one B. We all focus on how we need to be beautiful and attractive in order to be loved. Is that really what you think? Because that’s not true! There are so many great attributes to a person but people never notice them because of that one small thing that for some reason their whole life depends on. And that one B can be a lot of things: Money, beauty, perfection, etc. People are suddenly now discriminated and defined by how beautiful they are, how rich or poor they are, how perfect (no one is perfect!) or Mary-Sue they are. I mean…..why? Is there nothing else that they’ll be satisfied? That they’ll…oh, I don’t know, love themselves? It’s never enough, is it? Now I’m not saying that it’s like the worst thing ever to wonder if you’re beautiful or not. I mean everyone goes through it. But the truth is, one day you’re going to have to accept who you are and punch back at the world and say, “No, this is who I am!”

      Have you seen the TV series Once Upon A Time? If not, the main character (one of them) is named Emma Swan. She was given up by her parents (Snow White and Prince Charming) to save the fairytale lands from the curse of the Evil queen. But Emma didn’t know this. She was just born! And what was her life like in the normal world (without magic)? She was unwanted. She was in so many foster homes and was still sent back. She ran away so many times. All she ever wanted was to be loved, not for her beauty, but just for who she is. She was a thief. She gave birth to a child in prison (her boyfriend left her for an unknown reason which you’ll have to find out). She was alone. Yes Emma Swan is/was indeed a beautiful person. But her life is/was a wreck. She was also poor in a way. You see, people need to be wanted and loved not (only/entirely) for their beauty, but for who they truly are. We shouldn’t care if they’re beautiful or poor or rich or any of that. Love itself is beautiful. Even hope….

      “Darling it’s true, beautiful things have scars too.”

      I give you many hugs!! Never forget that you are beautiful just the way you are! Stop comparing yourself to others. Inner beauty is what your future soul mate should be looking for. <3 <3


      ☆ dreams with the angels ☆

      12
    • Festive Fallenshadows (Fallen)
      December 7, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      I bet you look beautiful, Ravenmist! 🙂 It doesn’t matter, though, how people look, what matters is what they do and how they act. You are a wonderful, kind person, and if people judge because of the way you look, they don’t deserve you. You are awesome, Ravenmist, and don’t forget it! 🙂 <3 *hugs*


      1
    • Frosted Gingerbread
      December 8, 2018 at 12:16 am

      You may not have met “the one” yet, but don’t compare yourself to your friend! Having two ex’s doesn’t make her better at love than you, it just makes her less commited. Any person who judges you based on your looks just needs to get to know you.

      2
    • December 8, 2018 at 5:13 am

      looks mean nothing. being “attractive” (I use that term loosely) doesn’t mean anything if your personality isn’t good. you’ll find someone, raven <3


      schmingerbread house

      2
    • December 8, 2018 at 6:03 pm

      Listen, I won’t date until I’m 18. (By my parents orders) Even so, nobody has asked me out.( Though boys do stare/sneak a glance at me unfortunately) You really shouldn’t care,(this depends on how old you are) if you’re not at least in High School then what’s the rush? Dating is only meant so you get to know that person. And ugly is irrelevant. You are never ugly! I have no clue what you look like but I can say that! ‘…….. You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are. And you don’t have to change…….’ And Spotted is right, so is Cloud,wolfie,foxie,fallen,gingie,and spidey. Every single one of them are right!


      *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

      1
  3. December 7, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    Thanks, Wolfie!


    Hello, I am Spottedpaw.

  4. Festive Foxies Frisking Through Snowflakes
    December 7, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    Guys, two words: Finals suck (I’m studying this week). StarClan help me 🙁


    ☆ dreams with the angels ☆

    • Lapispaw
      December 8, 2018 at 3:15 am

      Oh no, Foxie! Hope they go well!


      Have a holly, jolly Christmas!

    • December 8, 2018 at 9:46 am

      Yeah, I’ve doing tests this week too, and they really do suck ):

      Hope everything goes well!


      Angry Appledusk defender

    • December 8, 2018 at 9:52 am

      Oh no! 😮 Good luck 🙂❤️


      *Boops*

    • 🎄Pasty can’t wait for Christmas🎄
      December 8, 2018 at 2:23 pm

      Good luck! I know you’ll do great. 💕


      Ivypool’s wife

    • Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfpelt/paw)
      December 8, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Good luck Foxie!!!!


      Can't wait for Christmas

    • 🎄Cheetah Hiding in Sparkly Christmas Tree🎄
      December 9, 2018 at 5:02 pm

      Same. I have to do a super long packet for every class to study for them 🙄 I basically just gave up on studying a long time ago. But don’t be like me 😛 KEEP GOING YOU GOT THIS!!!


      gimme dat eggnog

  5. Lapispaw
    December 8, 2018 at 3:14 am

    So I just found out that one my karate instructors, my favorite karate instructor, and one of my best friends is leaving. I can’t stop crying. 🙁 Besides her, there’s only one other instructor that was there when I first started, everyone else has left. I guess I just imagined they’d always be there, and now that she’s not… I don’t know…


    Have a holly, jolly Christmas!

    • December 9, 2018 at 3:15 pm

      Oh Lapis, That’s horrible! I know what you mean, some Instructors at my place have left. You should cherish the time you have spent with her! Keep in contact with her, and make sure that people remember her! Cherish her memory at your karate school! I feel you, I have this Instructors who I am pretty good friends with, if he left, I would make sure that NOBODY forgot him, and you should try too!
      I’m sorry, I’m not very good at advice, but I hoped I helped.


      😀 Dream Big! 😀

  6. Fox Trot
    December 8, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    Ack, Back on the Hug Page once more, This isn’t about me though, It’s for anybody struggling with Depression, Being Bi~polar, Anxiety, Self Hate, Anything. So, Love yourself and others, It may be hard but you can do it! A famous person once said “I believe in you!” ~ Papyrus the Skeleton. And I believe in you to! If it’s really affecting your life, Tell somebody, It helps, I would know, Therapy is a good option too. Well, Have a good Day/Night and Love yourself, Because other people love you! 😀


    Fox is Active, R u n

    4
  7. Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfpelt/paw)
    December 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    Am I the only one who always tells my friends how good their arts are (even if I could say things that aren’t good in them) and when I show them something they list everything wrong with it? Like today I drew a zebra, and my friend started a whole presentation how it is so obvious I used a reference picture, and how that makes it so much easier and that she never uses reference picture so her works are so much harder to accomplish. (I personally think my drawing skills got much better in the last few years and I am usually proud of what I draw.)

    View post on imgur.com

    This is my drawing


    Can't wait for Christmas

    11
    • December 8, 2018 at 10:01 pm

      That’s an amazing drawing! I feel the same way. I honestly can’t draw without a reference picture. And I have a friend who doesn’t need them, and is really good. So I just strive to make mine constantly better. (Sorry if my friend reads this – you know who you are) I totally understand. It isn’t fair to shame on people who use reference pictures to help, and while I personally believe they make things much easier, your friend has no right to put you down like that. Your zebra is totally amazing, btw 🙂 Not sure I have advice, but maybe just stand up to your friend? If they really care about you, then they should be proud of you. They should respect how you feel, and not throw you down. I’m sorry 🙁
      *huggles*


      Sprinting for Senior Warrior!

      2
    • December 8, 2018 at 10:10 pm

      Hey, that’s awesome! 😀 I don’t see anything wrong with it! As a fellow artist, I can assure you that using references is never wrong (unless you’re tracing or something but this isn’t the case here) and it, in fact, helps you improve. I don’t understand why your friend would bash you for using a reference, and why not using them would make her drawings any better. Personally, I’d rather use one than torture myself with trying to figure out how to draw something very tricky – it would only end up looking bad that way. And as you said you’re improving, I see absolutely nothing wrong with references. 🙂 If you’re proud of your drawings, that’s all that should matter! <3

      (also I'm literally shocked at how active I've been on this page this is unheard of-)


      Like a flare in the air ~

      3
    • December 8, 2018 at 10:24 pm

      uM YOUR DRAWING IS HOT I LOVE IT


      Angry Appledusk defender

      1
    • December 8, 2018 at 11:09 pm

      I would say talk to them about it. Or next time they say something say, “Hey, I’m really proud of myself for doing this, and you’re kind of hurting my feelings. Could you please not say things like that anymore?” just be nice, and if they’re rude back, then well they’re just brats 😛

      Also

      That Zebra is amazing 😛


      I Am You... I See Me In You...

      1
    • Birchfoot
      December 9, 2018 at 2:22 am

      I’m sorry your friends aren’t appreciating your art. I’ll tell you something, though, using a reference doesn’t make your art any less valid. It’s so helpful to use references, and honestly it’s something that a lot of artists do (i definitely use them if i’m trying to draw something that i’m relatively unfamiliar with) 🙂 <3 because it's much much easier to draw something that you see instead of trying to imagine what a zebra looks like, especially when you're still learning. If, for example, you keep drawing zebras, you won't need references after a while, but for now they're very useful!!

      Honestly your art is great and you should be proud of it!!

      1
    • December 9, 2018 at 3:15 am

      I love drawing! Good job!!!


      *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

      1
    • 🎄Cheetah Hiding in Sparkly Christmas Tree🎄
      December 9, 2018 at 5:03 pm

      Okay, I relate to this comment so much. And your zebra is so amazing! Way better than my art, that’s for sure 😉


      gimme dat eggnog

      1
    • December 9, 2018 at 5:15 pm

      That drawing is awesome! Just simply don’t listen to your friends when they say that you used a reference picture. I suck at drawing, and I usually need a reference, or just some kind of YouTube video that can teach me how to draw something.

      1
    • Brightberry
      December 9, 2018 at 6:58 pm

      Wow! Wolfpelt, that actually looks really good. I’m not exaggerating, even with a reference I couldn’t draw a zebra that well. Some people just feel like they have to point out negatives. But don’t let it get you down too much- your art is great!

      1
  8. December 9, 2018 at 5:12 am

    Hey guys. I kinda need some advice. Any help is appreciated. I’m kinda struggling with this, and have been for awhile now. This will probably be a rant 😛

    I love horses. Horseback riding… it’s honestly my life. I want to have a horse stable. I want that to be my profession. If not, I want to write horse books. And I’m taking riding lessons and all. But my instructor… she’s honestly great, but mean. She’s taught me some important things. But she’s mean, and gets mad a lot. It’s to the point that my favorite thing has become… stressful. I start dreading it. She yells at me and my classmates for not doing the exact right things. She doesn’t give clear instructions, often, and then gets mad if we don’t understand or don’t do it exactly how she wants. On top of that, the barn I ride at is holding me back. I’ve been riding (and trotting) for 2.5 years now. Or maybe a bit more. I’ve cantered once. Once. We have to be able to post without stirrups to do so, but my instructor doesn’t give us time to learn how. So we just do the same things, over and over. We get yelled at, over and over. I’ve been waiting to learn how to canter for 2 years, or more. And I did get to, once. Because I was riding with a really advanced class, so my instructor let me canter one long side of the arena, because everybody else was doing canter serpentines (figure eights, basically). That’s all. My class is constantly compared to the one that’s one year ahead of us, the next level up. They can jump and canter. But instructor constantly goes on about how much better they are, and how we don’t do anything right.

    Basically, my instructor is mean, I’m being held back, and it isn’t fun anymore. I really want to switch barns. But I can’t, because all the other ones are to far away. My mom doesn’t want to have to drive me at least 30 minutes to a different barn every time I ride. The barn I ride at now is convenient, only 15 minutes away, 20 minutes at most.

    The thing is, I’m really shy. Today, my instructor got really mad at my class for not answering a question. Because we’re all too shy, and honestly all probably scared of her always yelling at us. She said she didn’t want to teach our class anymore. At the end, she was happy with us, and me, but I really didn’t have as much fun as I used to, a year or so ago. I’m too shy to talk to her, too shy to talk to my mom about this. Honestly, I’ve never told any one about this before, except for now. When I’m trying to type as fast as I can, and I’m basically releasing all of my feelings into the rant. Because these emotions have been pent up inside me for months. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve heard of people who canter and jump in under a year. I get so jealous. My class gets to go over the basics thousands of times, and I think we get it. But apparently we’re always doing something wrong. The worst thing is me knowing people who get to canter and jump in months, or even weeks. And then they think they’re soooooo good. Because they “know” how to sit on a horse. And how to pull on it’s mouth, how to kick it, and how to post on the wrong diagonal (all examples of horrible riding). It drives me insane. I think, I’m not worse than you because my stupid instructor doesn’t let me advance, or do anything to help. I’m probably better, because I know quite a bit about equitation from being yelled at. I can’t deal with it anymore. Sure, there are advantages to my current instructor and lessons, but it isn’t fun. It isn’t what I had begged for for years. I’ve wanted riding lessons for years, begged and pleaded. I got them, and I’m so incredibly blessed, I know. So many families can’t afford lessons. I’m dropping all other sports to scrape together enough money for horseback riding. It’s really expensive. But it isn’t fun. I don’t know what to do.

    Please, any help is so highly appreciated. I’m sorry if this made absolute 0 sense – it’s a rant. Please, ask questions. I can be specific if need be. I’m so, so, sorry if I offended any body. This topic just makes me really upset and mad. I’m sorry if I offended any other horseback riders by acting like learning to jump and canter so early is bad. I’m sorry. I just personally don’t think it’s smart or reasonable to be doing that so soon, when it appears at 2.5 years I’m nowhere close to learning how to myself. It’s probably jealousy. *sigh* I’m sorry, again. But I really need advice. Many thanks to anybody who is reading this.


    Sprinting for Senior Warrior!

    2
    • Pumpkin SpICY Latte
      Pumpkin SpICY Latte
      December 9, 2018 at 6:11 am

      Oh, Moon. I am so sorry. ❤

      I am first going to say I am not offended. 🙂 I’m working on going over (very) low poles and getting my diagonal perfected, not actually jumping yet. I understand what you mean about it not being smart to canter and jump so soon, but I believe if the rider is confident and ready, and the instructor thinks they’re ready, then I don’t see much of a problem with it.

      You shouldn’t have to dread riding. That happened to me with gymnastics, and it got so bad that I quit. You should not have to subject yourself to verbal abuse when you’re doing nothing wrong. If you want to continue riding, talk to your mother. 10 extra minutes of driving time is well worth your mental health and happiness. Also – you and your parents shouldn’t have to pay for you to get yelled at. It just isn’t okay.

      If you think you might want to take a break from riding, do it. Go back to another sport you enjoy for a while and clear your head. Just breathe for a while. 💜

      I am so very sorry you have to go through this, Moon. I wish I could give you all the love and hugs I contain and then whisk you off to my barn so we could ride gloriously grouchy Sandman and his buddies. 😉 I hope things look up for you!


      Ambition and strong coffee.

      3
    • December 9, 2018 at 6:34 am

      I used to ride. My mom has a horse. I got a few lesson but my mom taught me almost everything I learned. I have no clue what to tell you. I tell you what, I can ask my mom a ‘hypothetical ‘ question and say that I read it. Or (if you allow me) I can just tell her the story. I’ll ask her Toni and report back to you.


      *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

    • December 9, 2018 at 10:32 am

      Aww Moon, I’m so sorry *huggles* I’ve gone through the exact same thing, I’ve been riding for over 3 years and we’ve only recently started doing jumping and cantering. Maybe if you want to advance faster you could take private lessons as a possibility? And then you might have a different teacher too. We sometimes have an instructor like her, and she teaches me and my friend how to actually care for horses etc. not just the riding part, and I was really shy with her and that just made it worse. But since then I’ve grown in confidence with her, try to answer all her questions if you can – don’t be a afraid of getting it wrong 🙂 I hope it improves and you get to canter and jump soon 🙂❤️


      *Boops*

    • December 9, 2018 at 5:20 pm

      Sorry this is happening to you, Moon! If you are too shy to ask, maybe you could talk to someone who’s in your class that you know well, and they could tell their parents, and their parents could tell the teacher.

      And if your teacher is not giving super clear instructions on riding, you could raise your hand in the end to ask a question you have.

  9. December 9, 2018 at 5:16 am

    Okay, so something came up this week that I really need to talk about. My family situation has gotten worse, along with my relationship with one of my friends. My dad has been constantly going on about how annoying, selfish, stupid, brainless me and my sisters are recently. Today when we went to the store after church it got worse. My sister Midnightkit/heart (she’s on here but she isn’t very active) was going on and on tonight about “teaching me how to share” because I said that I’m not sharing the candy that I bought with my own money with her. She made a big deal out of it the entire time, and I told her no every time she demanded I share. Eventually I just lashed out and told her to shut up because I was sick and tired of her making a fuss over it. Then my dad told us both to shut up and went on a rant about all of us. Then later in another store, my dad told me to stop making a big deal out of everything, when I’m not making a big deal out of everything. Before church he said that if I didn’t fix my attitude, then I’m not going to make it in life and that I’m just going to end up getting myself beaten up because I’m being me. He also said that me glaring at him was unacceptable, yet at the same time he was glaring at me as well. Yes, he’s told me that I need to stop acting like myself a lot. My dad also told me to learn how to ignore stuff, which I can’t do because he expects me to learn to ignore stuff just like that/ignore the fact that I’m a completely different person compared to him. After that I just stood my distance and gave him a “salute” (it was not a salute at all, might I add) because I was sick of hearing his rants about me. On the 5-7 minute drive home, the entire way back he complained about us and talked about how annoying we are. I hate it, so I just plugged my ears in. What’s worse is that in church, we talked about positivity in families/relationships, so this was his scapegoat to basically demonize us more than usual and ignore the fact that he’s doing it too. And in my family, I’m put down a lot for just being myself. I can’t go one hour without getting a barbed remark from anyone in my family (mom, dad, sisters, etc) about my personality, and they don’t seem to acknowledge that I have emotions too. Tonight’s a movie night, and the last time we had one my dad said he wanted me to spend more time with my family, and that they wanted to see “the real Marrowfrost” more often. The way they act, they don’t want to see more of me. They constantly talk about me behind my back, and I don’t like it one bit. My dad basically acts like I need to worship my family and be happy all the time with people. When I was younger, he suggested getting “medicine” (coughdrugscough) to make me a lot more positive than I actually am, for the sake of his feelings about me. So pretty much, he would’ve drugged me because he hated my personality. Once I had a “friend” tell me how messed up my personality was and how I needed to be “fixed”. Everyday I’m just reminded of how stupid, annoying, and useless I am by them. I can’t be around them anymore. I stay in my room 24/7 now because of them.

    With my friend, we had a group project in English that required drawing. It was a “paper doll project”. My group (only two friends were in my English class so we grouped up) voted for me to do the drawing part while they did the other parts. The problem was that on the day we started, I wasn’t at school. Now my friend (don’t think I gave her a name, let’s call her Flowerpaw) was extremely salty about this. Icepaw, my other friend traced it that day instead. Flowerpaw constantly put down Icepaw’s tracing job and had me erase it all and redraw it. We were waaaaay behind after this. The next day we worked on it, we began coloring and adding on details. Once I began working on the eyes, Flowerpaw told me they needed to look realistic. Our teacher didn’t tell us this at all. The eyes I drew looked realistic to begin with. Not wanting to get in trouble, I erased most of what I had and redrew them. During that time, she constantly put down my art and yet she can’t even draw that well. Me and Icepaw were struggling to finish because of it. By the end of that day, we still had to finish the hair. The bell was about to ring for that period, so Icepaw and I just colored some golden-brown hair on the character’s head. When we “finished” it on Thursday, me and Flowerpaw went to get our paper doll. She complained about how I colored the hair the entire time because it wasn’t the right color, even though she knew we didn’t have much time to color. She also said how much better everyone else’s was compared to ours. I did most of the drawing, while she did nothing. I told her we had a tight schedule and didn’t have enough time, and she just dismissed it. After that, I only ignored them and did nothing the rest of class. Flowerpaw complained about how bad our project was and how we were going to fail, and when Icepaw did something wrong with the coloring she said it didn’t have to be perfect, yet she acted like the hair had to be perfect. During this time, everyone else’s looked way better than ours. Two drawn in our class were really good, and our’s were trash compared to theirs. Flowerpaw was still making remarks about this. I almost cried in English because of Flowerpaw. As soon as the bell rang, I stormed out of the classroom and headed to my locker to get my algebra binder/notebook. While I was there, I cut myself intentionally across my left arm. It began bleeding out in algebra, no one noticed at all. (I did have a jacket on, but you could see the blood stains through it. They were pretty darn big.) When I came in algebra, I just grabbed my calculator, sat in my seat, and put my head down. When my friend sitting next to me asked what was wrong, I only said, “Flowerpaw’s being a-” you really don’t need to know what I said next to guess the context of what I said exactly. I later calmed down a little, and was crying throughout the period. We had PE next, and we have to change for that class. By then the bleeding was really obvious and the blood was smeared on my arm. We wear short sleeved shirts and shorts for our PE uniform. No one cared at all. During PE, I got hit in the face with a basketball. I refused to participate the rest of the class period. (Note, that was during our warm up.) My face still hurts because of the impact of it. Everyone wondered why I was in such a bad mood that day.

    I’m trying to stay positive, I really am. But each day things pile up more and more until I can’t take it…and I get more thoughts of wanting to kill myself/running away. I would tell my counselor, but then I still feel like my feelings are worthless and that I shouldn’t be feeling that way, and that my reasons for it are dumb. These emotions are because of my dad’s behavior towards me, because he forgets I’m a human being and that I have feelings too. And even then, after I tell the counselor everything goes back to like it was before. My dad constantly putting me down, hearing the barbed remarks about me everyday, etc. I don’t expect to be treated as if I’m fragile and needs constant care, but I do expect that they keep in mind that I’m sensitive, has autism, has high functioning depression, and that I’m also human. I hate having these feelings. I most likely won’t do anything drastic, and I’m trying not to harm myself but with the way my life goes, everything feels like it’s my fault. Because of today I cut myself even more. I don’t think I can handle living with my family anymore…each day gets even worse as time goes on. I can’t take it anymore. I really can’t.


    Two words: Lovewing Dovewing.

    3
    • December 9, 2018 at 7:04 am

      I feel ya. When my dad’s in a bad mood avoid him. He complains about me the most. I’m the only girl of 5 boys. I have a short temper. I yell. I’ve lived with this all my life. My brothers annoy me. Even the little things set me off. That’s why I escape to Moonpaw’s house as fast as I can. No, you were made by God for a reason. You and your feelings matter. Please don’t hurt yourself! Have you even tried to talk to your parents? Everything is not your fault. Has there ever been good times? And please listen to me, Never, NEVER , hurt yourself again. EVER. We love you. Your family loves you. Even if they don’t show it. Ask your family ‘Do you love me?’ . Please remember: we love you, your family loves you, and God loves you. We would all miss you so so much. You are amazing as you are. No matter what everyone else says. You are who you are. You are awesome all the way. We love you every day.


      *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

    • Goldenpaw (Goldenfawn)
      December 9, 2018 at 8:23 am

      WARNING: mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

      First of all, Marrowfrost, I am so sorry. I know the feeling of thinking you’re worthless and that self-harming will make you feel better, but it really won’t. I strongly suggest that you speak to your counselor about these feelings and find ways to get the help you need. I know it’s hard to reach out to someone, but when you are feeling this way, it is the most important thing to do.
      Try reaching out to a loved one and seek professional help if possible. I really hope things get better for you soon.

      Here are some resources that you can use if you’re having a crisis –
      Suicide Hotline: Call 1-800-273-8225
      Suicide Message Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
      Self Harm Text Hotline for the US: Text 741741
      A List of Worldwide Suicide Hotlines: http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines
      National Runaway Hotline for the US: https://www.1800runaway.org/


    • December 9, 2018 at 5:28 pm

      I’m so sorry, Marrowfrost! If you don’t want to live with your family, you could contact a foster care center, and then your old family could be no more! Or, if this is too much for you, maybe you could report your dad to the priest at your church, because that kind of behavior your dad is having on you is absolutely wrong. Or just report it to another trusted adult you might know.

      And I’m also really sorry about what had happened at school. I don’t really have much advice for it since it’s the past, so yeah. 😛

    • Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfpelt/paw)
      December 9, 2018 at 8:27 pm

      I’m so sorry Marrow. But please, please don’t think about harming yourself.
      If something is really hurting you talk with the person who causes it, it’s not good to bottle up emotions.
      Maybe try thinking your days over and writing down all the good things in a list. That way you can look at the good things that happened on that day.
      If you don’t think you can continue living with your family, tell an adult who you trust and he/she will help you.
      For Flowerpaw I think you should talk with her. Tell her that you really don’t like that she keeps putting down your hard work.
      Hope this helps, and that you’re situation gets better. Crossing my fingers for you. Don’t forget we all love you, and I’m sure your friends and family loves you too. Giving you all my hugs!!!


      Can't wait for Christmas

  10. December 9, 2018 at 7:31 am

    RAISE YOUR PAW IF YOU LOVE MARROW!!!!!!


    *Raises paw for Marrow*💔

    3
    • Wolf Howling at Star on Top of Tree (Wolfpelt/paw)
      December 9, 2018 at 8:28 pm

      Raises paw.


      Can't wait for Christmas

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