BlogClan Tavern, The Fourth Lodgings

Okay, so I suppose I owe you guys an update.

As you might have seen, Tuesday I had come home from dance because I was feeling terrible. But along with it, I felt I was going to cry. I was missing out on one of my favorite classes (Lyrical Jazz) and was watching everyone else do it. I probably could have pulled through to the end of the dance day, but I don’t think my emotions would have stayed in check. It didn’t help that Shypaw came home telling me that the other Bluepaw in my Jazz class was being an even bigger know-it-all (Even though she isn’t! She knows nothing! And she’s always leaning on the bar which is extremely offensive). She also said I missed Snarkypaw’s huge blister being popped. And apparently all the kids in Pointe Prep (Which I won’t even begin to rant about how unfair it is) all dressed up as Ms. Strongheart. And I haven’t seen any pictures at all! I missed it!

And then on Thursday I ate my snack a bit to fast and brushed my teeth, I got a piercing stomach ache. I went to dance and pushed through it. I didn’t feel better until I got home. I didn’t even want to eat the chicken my mom had got on the way home. It wasn’t till it was on my plate that I felt I could eat it. And I hardly ever get stomach aches.

But Friday was by far the worst. Tap was pretty good, other than being slightly annoyed because the ending of our dance was new and not perfected in any way, and next week is Parent Observation for that class. Hip-Hop was going really well, though I was sad Ms. Beliefheart (My fav teacher) wouldn’t be there for our last day before Christmas Break. When we moved to the other room, to practice our dance to Look What You Made Me Do (Yes yes yes 😛 ) was when everything fell apart. We were doing our dance in groups, and the group that was watching had to give the people in the group dancing compliments. When everyone was choosing who they were going to watch, Snarkypaw chose Darkpaw, Laughingpaw I think chose Drypaw, and another friend (Let’s call her Scaredpaw, she gets frightened easily) chose Awkwardpaw. Leaving me with the choice of Tallleg or Shypaw. Amazing right? My friends left me to compliment my sisters. Lovely, lovely and lonely. I chose Tallleg, not realizing that would make Shypaw be given a compliment by Ms. Beliefheart. (Which I wanted more than anything) I had the nagging fear of crying as I watched Tallleg, and no one other than Tallleg dance. After the dance I raised my hand, I said my compliment and asked Ms. Beliefheart if I could go to the bathroom. She let me. I didn’t go to the bathroom. I sat in there and cried. When I got back, my face was still slightly red. (When I cry my face turns tomato red and my eyes grow puffy and my nose snots 😛 ) And everyone was pretty much going insane. I walked in, and Ms. Beliefheart asked if I was okay, and I said I was, and returned to my spot. Laughingpaw kept asking me if I was okay and looked really worried, I told her I was fine and tried to not cry again. I was told Drypaw was going to give me my compliment, and I did the dance. Drypaw jumped up to give me my compliment, which was amazing. But turns out, Shypaw was giving Laughingpaw her compliment, while Tallleg gave everyone a compliment. Lovely, lovely and lonely. Then we began to play Chips and Queso. There was one thing at the very beginning which required four people. There were only seven people. So all my friends managed to do it. And it was just me and my sister left. So no chance. Yet Tallleg pushed me to the ground in attempt to still do it. All three of us got out. And I made myself as far away from everyone as possible. I crumbling, just crumbling. I was beginning to cry. I rushed to Ms. Beliefheart. I asked her if I could go to the bathroom. She just nodded. But I remember her hand on my elbow, and her looking worried about me. But I ran off to the bathroom. I locked myself in there and cried. I don’t know how long I was in there, but it felt like mere seconds before my mom knocked on the door. I thought, oh crap. But I let her in, and apparently Ms. Beliefheart was so worried about me that she had got my mom. Which made me feel awful. My mom got a damp paper towel and put it on my neck, it felt good but I don’t really know what it was for. I blew my nose and told her I was just tired and told her that Tallleg started pushing me down. She nodded and agreed I was just tired. When I got out Ms. Beliefheart was already in her next class. I never got to say goodbye! Or tell her I was okay! The rest of the night I fought back tears, I felt better after my shower, but had to try not to cry as I fell asleep.

When I say I’m homeschooled you guys all say “Lucky!” I say “Lonely!” The only people I really know are my sisters, my friends at dance are only mostly interested in each other. Laughingpaw talks to us a lot but still. I always get referred to as “The twins” And “This twin” And “Which one are you again?” The one time Shypaw was sick and I was the only one there they kept saying “This is the first time I’ve ever seen you without your twin!” CAN’T I JUST BE BLUE!!!! CAN’T I NOT HAVE TO BE ONE OF THE TWINS!!!! Laughingpaw, Drypaw, and Awkwardpaw can tell us apart. I think Darkpaw might be able to. But Snarkypaw can’t. Like when I wasn’t feeling good in Lyrical Jazz and was sitting down, they were working on spots and pointing at me, Snarkypaw said “Don’t forget… Whichever twin this is” And I replied drily saying “Blue” And everyone got all wide-eyed especially Snarkypaw. I just want friends. I want those friends! I want to talk to Ms. Beliefheart, but I have to watch what I say because Shypaw is never more than two feet away from me! All Shypaw wants to talk about with her is Halsey songs, because we all like them, but most of her songs are inappropriate, so if we bring up a new one we heard, and need to see if it is inappropriate or not, Shypaw always talks about it with her. We only have four Halsey songs, Sorry, Bad at Love, Gasoline, and Control. I want more. But I don’t want to talk about them with my dance teacher. I’m sorry this turned into a bit of a rant. I didn’t want to post it on The Hug Page because I don’t need advice, I just want people to listen to me, as Blue, not as “One of the twins.” But these past two days, I have been sitting in my own pool of sadness, and I can’t break free.