The Hug Page is here. Because, whoever we are, we still need hugs. This is still the best place to come if you’re feeling sad and need a hug from BlogClan…
(Sh! This is a new Hug Page. You can find the old one here)
The Hug Page is here. Because, whoever we are, we still need hugs. This is still the best place to come if you’re feeling sad and need a hug from BlogClan…
(Sh! This is a new Hug Page. You can find the old one here)
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So I posted about a guy with and gun in a mask trying to break in my friends house earlier.
Update:
The police never came so the guy spent the whole night trying to get in. They were able to fend him off until he left. He didn’t come back but her and her family is pretty shaken.
I’m glad everything is okay. 🙂 I hope that man never comes back. 🙂
Ivypool 2.0Oh my that sounds really bad!!! I really don’t know what to say but *hugs your friend!!* and it sounds so scary!
I’m so glad they’re okay!!! *huggles* to your friend and her family 🙁
dumb police~spidey 2.0UGH! I wish I could sue those police. I’m so glad your friend is okay, Silv <3 Stay safe, and I'm sending hugs and prayers <3
~flame 2.0It’s awful that the police didn’t take it seriously, I’ll keep her family in my prayers ❤
~cheetah 2.0Oh my gosh, that’s so scary! 🙁 I’m glad they’re okay. *sends hugs to your friend*
~frosto 2.0At least they’re safe <3
My Speed, My Lane, My PaceOmg I’m so glad your okay! 😮
Oh no!!! He should go to the DF. I hope your friends are okay. Lots of hugs! <3
Find your place.~Star
So um I kinda had a hard day. As most of you know, I’m at a new school this year (not by choice). I have a few friends I guess, but I don’t really feel comfortable around them and I still miss my old school and friends a lot. Anyway, so today in PE I tripped and literally tumbled over myself on the ground. It was really embarrassing, and when everyone kept asking me if I was okay I said I was and I kind of shrugged them off, because I didn’t want any of their attention (it’s hard enough being new, I don’t want anyone paying attention to me). So then my coach put me in a group with like all of the popular people and I was basically really quiet for the rest of class… I asked to use the restroom, and I cried a little. I don’t really know why; I mean, it was just a fall. I don’t know why I was so sad. I guess I was just missing all of my friends and everything kept crashing down on me and I’m sad all the time now and I just never know what to do and I wish I was invisible so no one would talk to me so I wouldn’t have to talk to them because every time I do I feel so stressed and I just wished nothing had changed 🙁 I went through the rest of PE, still silent, and when it was over my eyes were kind of red I guess and it took everything in me not to burst into tears. So when class was over and I was gathering up my stuff some girl that I’ve talked to maybe once walks up to me and asks me if I’m okay. I hate it when people ask me that. Do they just expect me to say “fine” when I’m not? And if I say I’m not fine, there will be follow-up questions, and the more I talk the more I start to break down. So I tell this girl that I’m okay and she gives me this sympathetic look like I’m a lost puppy. She goes, “I’ve seen you around and I can tell that you’re trying to avoid everyone. I know, I was new in fifth grade and I want to tell you that if you want to make friends then you have to make an effort and put yourself out there.” At this point I’m crying, and everyone had noticed so now the few people left in the room are staring at me. I told the girl that I didn’t care and I was just waiting out the year in hopes that my parents would let me go back to my old school next year. And then she asked me if I just wanted to be miserable for my entire freshman year. And I don’t know… maybe I do. I hate the pressure of having to talk to people and I hate not knowing everyone and I hate everything about this whole situation. Maybe I do want to be miserable. She then tells me that we can “talk” or whatever whenever I need it and I’m just left there, crying. I don’t know why this person did that. I don’t know if it was out of pity or if she wanted to use me as her personal charity project. I don’t know anything anymore. And yes I’m aware of how dramatic I am 😛 So, back to my story, the next period was Activity Period. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I went into the bathroom and cried some more, and then I texted my mom and she told me to see the counselor but I didn’t want to (I dont know why) so I told my mom that I needed to study so I couldn’t (not true). So I basically just sat in the commons, hoping no one would notice me, and sticking my face in a book like I do every spare moment in school that I have so that no one would try to talk to me. Obviously, it didn’t work. One of my friends came up to me and asked me if I was okay, I told her no, she asked me why, I said I didn’t know. Then she asked me if I wanted anything and I said no. She asked if I wanted her to sit with me and I said no. And then she hugged me, told me she’d be praying for me, and left. That somehow made me even more sad. I guess I was embarrassed that I always put on this happy front with her and now she’s seen me like this. I somehow got through the rest of the day without full-on crying (only tearing up a little). And I felt like everyone was staring at me all day… I’m just so embarrassed that everyone can see through me so clearly and I’m not better at hiding my emotions. I want this nightmare to end.
~spidey 2.0I know it’s hard, without your friends in a new place. But that girl was right – don’t be miserable for the entire year, there only are four years in high school. You should really try to at least make some friends, have a good time. You can cry, but please don’t cry all the time. Let yourself be happy, or you’ll miss out on a lot. Because if your mom doesn’t let you go to the other school with your friends, then frankly you’re stuck here. Please don’t spend your four years in high school sad. Crying is okay, but please please please do find some happy moments. Love and hugs 💕
jack-o-Lantern ~I’m so sorry, Cheetah. I don’t have much advice except to hold on to your friends *huggles* I hope you feel better ❤
~flame 2.0Aww Cheetah I’m so sorry this is happening.
I guess one tip, is to imagine they are like people on the blog, like new members. You can remember when some now we’ll known members were new, and probably greeted them. I guess try that in real life.
I’d try and make friends, because it really helps everything, I was new a few years ago in my school. And just remember you don’t have to be popular, you just have to be the one who offends no one and is vaguely friends with everyone. That’s me at school 😛
Try approaching people based off of what they like, sometimes I walk around the school staring at what people were reading, then if they don’t look scary I go Up and talk to them about it.
I know moving school is scary, but that girl is right, make friends and everything will pick up.
About Pe, I hate it as well, and am often awkward. We play netball all the time, and I am terrible, but joking around with some people about how terrible I am helped me. If you’re good at Pe, then people will become friends with you, but if you’re not, then joking about that can help you make friends. Like now I’m literally praised on catching the ball, and everyone knows not to judge me too harshly.
I’d see the councillor. It really helps me, and something I’d just like to bring to your attention, to highlight that not talking is a terrible idea is the events of Friday.
Basically I had a mental breakdown over whether to go to canada or not, and the main reason it was so bad was because I needed to make a descion there and then, because I hadn’t told anyone earlier that I didn’t want to go. Now I’m in Canada and actually wishing that I wasn’t, which is annoying. I’m miles from home and like. Oh. Well this was a mistake wasn’t it.
And that’s because I didn’t talk. Talking is great and can save you getting into situations like I do 😛 (side note this isn’t the first time I’ve made the mistake of not talking but now I’ve learnt from that )
Try and open up to people, because that will always help.
Huggles Cheetah I know you can get through this
I think you should take the girl’s advice. Your parents were, from what I remember, pretty insistent on your going to this school, and they aren’t going to magically change their minds after seeing how miserable you are during your first year. I get that changing schools isn’t the best of experiences, but refusing to accept it won’t help you. I hope school gets better for you <3
Mrrrow.Sorry, Cheetah! I’m kinda feeling the same way here. But, I guess that girl was right: You might make more friends. Here in middle school, I’ve made many friends!
Okay so the girl came up to me today after school again and like started grilling me about my day and stuff and how I was feeling and I just got so annoyed 😛 I don’t want y’all to get the wrong idea; I do have friends here. I just miss my old friends, too, and it kind of stops me from wanting to socialize that much. It’s not like I’m a hermit or anything; I don’t not talk to people. I just… don’t like to. And it’s not because I’m lonely or miserable or anything (though I still hate this school), I just like to be alone, and I’d rather read or whatever than talk to other people. That probably still sounds pretty pathetic, but eh.
~spidey 2.0Same about not liking to talk to people oof
~ Bracken 2.0Gosh, I’m sorry about that Cheetah. That’s really tough. It sounds like the girl was well-meaning, but the way she phrased what she said wasn’t very nice. If you want to stick to your few friends that’s totally okay! Being social can be really hard. If you find genuinely nice people that you click with, you should be friends, but you don’t have to go looking for friends if you don’t want to. But please try to not care as much of what people think of you. If you don’t want them to be your friend or like you, why does it matter what they think of you? *huggles*
🌊 Queen of Canon Correcting🌊I’m sorry Cheetah. 🙁 I hope it gets better! I know it’s hard to go to somewhere new, but you have to try. What’s in the past is over. You have to keep moving. Life won’t wait for you to catch up. (Sorry if I sounded harsh) Please don’t be miserable for the entire year! My friend is intent on being miserable because of something that happened 5 years ago! Don’t let that happen to you! Freshman year is an important time. Everyone’s new! You’re just slightly new-er. I was new at my school in third grade, but I found people to rely on and people to support me. Please don’t cry! It’ll all be over soon! You’ll be out of freshman year before you know it! And if you feel this way, you should probably talk to a counselor for your own good. Lots of hugs! <3
Find your place.~Star
Thanks, Star 🙂 But this school (and my old one) is K-12 so they’ve all known each other since kindergarten 😛
~spidey 2.0oh I didn’t know that!! I thought it was 9-12!!
idk? I guess it’s not that bad since you’re not a hermit 😛 Still, smile! Something good might happen, have hope 💕
jack-o-Lantern ~I realized I didn’t mention this on my post about camp, but one of my friends came home to find her two pet gerbils, Ginger and Spice, dead 🙁 I know she’s pretty upset about them being gone, so please send lots of hugs her way!
aww! lots of hugs and love 🙁 <3
~flame 2.0*hugs*
Mrrrow.Oh no 🙁 *huggles* to your friend
~spidey 2.0Right well I’m stressed.
Like super over stressed.
And I’m not sure what to do, all I want to do the time is Ben online or curl up and sleep. And I literally hate laying in bed, so this is not like me. Recently I had a struggle to decide whether to go out to Canada or not, and in the end I went just so my family would go and hoping it would help me destress. I know I haven’t been here long, but the stress is still there, and I just want to go home.
I’m not happy here, but I’ve got to put up with six days of putting on a happy front so my dad doesn’t feel guilty for bringing me with them. I’m so stupidly stressed all the time and everyday is a battle. I have started feeling queasy coming home from school because I don’t want to leave my freiends or be at home, but I can never work out why.
I had a sleepover a little while back, and that was the most distressing thing ever, so much so I was nearly in tears when my mum came to pick me up because I felt so happy and carefree.
The Grudgeblossom saga isn’t helping either. Only Spidey knows the full story, but basically, she’s just been like an on and off friend. Now the boy on my bus who actually is nice all the time isn’t talking to any of us because he doesn’t like Grudgeblossom. And she’s on all the time so I can never ask him why. But anyway Grudgeblossom keeps telling this boy that I liked him as a joke. But he doesn’t take it that way, and thinks I really used to. I hate it, because I actually now hate him. I’ve tried telling him I didn’t but Grudgeblossom keeps insisting that I did. So he actually asked her my name in school a liittle while back, luckily she didn’t tell him, but if she had I would have had a group of people two years older then me following me around. I’m actually scared of being anywhere near them now thanks to her. Also she tries to accuse me of eavesdropping on a bus ! A bus ! You can literally hear everyone’s conversations, whether you want to or not. And when people are talking about stuff that involves you, you kind of what to take part in that !
Also she hates like all my friends because they revise.
Anndddddd I also think I should write a letter to my head teacher about uniform policy’s, because however much I don’t like Grudgeblossom, she wore slightly less formal shoes, and hasn’t changed them when nagged, but after a while, and after a boy was allowed to wear them permanently, she was literally threatened.
Like she was threatened with isolation everyday until she changed her shoes, which could seriously affect her GCSE grades, especially as its not even two years till she takes them. And she was told that she wouldn’t be allowed to do work experience, which could affect her ability to get a job, and that she would have after school detentions, and mark she taken off her grades for this years report. Because her shoes weren’t that formal. She came into school physically shaken. She said she’d change them, it wasn’t worth her life being ruined. But seriously, even though she was the last one to change them, everyone else was just offered house points to change them. But no, she was threatened with isolation. And I just think that’s wrong. Schools shouldn’t be so caught up with uniform that they hand out isolation every single day until something is changed. But apparently the new teacher is very keen on uniform. So a letter would probably make no difference. Also, girls aren’t allowed to wear trousers, which I’m a little mad about becuase you know gender equality and all that jazz.
Yeahhh so I’m stressed and confluzzled
I just want all this stuff to go away
I’m sorry Maple 🙁 I don’t really have any advice. Just remember that this stuff will go away. I suffer from serious anxiety a lot (like all day every day) and I know it’s no fun. My school is kind of the same with uniforms, just not as bad. I think you should try sending them the letter. There’s really no harm in it, and it could help them understand. *huggles*
~spidey 2.0I am stressed out everyday and it is very annoying, but life does get better. I think all teenagers get stressed out.
I’m sorry Maple. <3 I hope it gets better! I’ll DM you on Discord with advice later, but right now I need to eat.
Find your place.~Star
Hehehehehehe you haven’t heard my discord news, I can barely access it without my parents finding out
Maybe soon I’ll get Instagram, if I do I’ll make an account under the name Maplepaw or something and we can chat there
I’m feeling a little better now, about the Canada thing, everything else is still stressing me out
Also my dad bounced the seesaw I was playing on (Yes I’m immature I know) and I fell off and now my hip hurts
So yay
I found out that my cousins cat had to be put down 🙁
Call me Detective Ravenclaw...I’m so sorry! 💙
Ivypool 2.0So a few days I confided what has been going on at home.
Today my sister was found unconscious behind our house. She is in the hospital now. They told us she tried to beat herself with a rock or brick. I don’t know what to do……. She may have to live at the hospital till this is all under control.
Did I mention that she is only 13?
I feel so helpless…….
Oh my god! 😨I can’t BELIEVE that! I hate that. Sending hugs, love, and prayers <3 <3 *hugs*
~flame 2.0Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I hope everything is okay! You and your sister are in my best wishes. 💙
Ivypool 2.0Mod edit: This comment talks about sensitive topics such as suicide, depression, bullying, and self-harm. Read at your discretion.
I don’t really rant much, but… *sighs* honestly I’ve needed to for a long time. And as an extremely shy and reclusive 13 year old female with extreme anxiety, autism and high functioning depression, this is honestly me just complaining by trying really, REALLY hard not to swear or anything like that, cause oh boy do I have lots of things to rant about… Sorry for this being REALLY long. Let’s begin, shall we?
I believe the source of my problems started since 2nd grade. From what I can remember, I’d had a fight with someone in my class, and to put things bluntly, once we got back to class, the things that had happened after that was chaos. I can’t remember too much, since I was in 2nd grade and I’m currently in 8th, but the main thing was that I had “threw a chair in the classroom.” It boggles me as to how they came to this conclusion, as I was a 2nd grader with wimpy noodle arms who could barely pick up a plastic hockey stick. I had PUSHED the chair. The teacher (one of the teachers who was considered to be ‘nice’. She really wasn’t.) had sent the ENTIRE CLASS outside in the hall and called the principal down to our room to deal with the situation. After that, things almost went back to normal. That girl (um…let’s just call her Thrushkit for now) had told the new student in our class about how ‘violent’ and ‘scary’ I was, and then I had another person to deal with. Then I remember during recess, the teacher had asked me, Thrushkit and the new student to stay for a few minutes. Basically what happened was Thrushkit and the new person had drawn a picture of a chair with wings, and it said and I quote: “Please stop throwing our chairs, (insert my real name here).” And then the teacher had the guts to say that I needed to listen to them and cool it. And this was about 3-4 months after the whole thing had happened. I had resisted the urge so badly to punch them all in the face. (if we’re being honest, I’d have liked to beat up my entire class cause they wouldn’t let it go either) To make things worse, at the end of the year my 2nd grade teacher had told me that I’d be put in detention on the last day of school for my “unacceptable behavior”. However, my cousin was graduating from High School and she lives in Texas. So I immediately jumped on board when I was given the chance to go visit. And I’d went to the same school for 3rd and 4th grade, although 4th wasn’t as bad. 3rd I barely had any friends, which was understandable. But when I had, all the rage was Frozen (that Disney movie, ya know. I absolutely hate it.) and my “friends” were singing “Let it Go” all day, everyday. And I didn’t even know what Frozen was until FIFTH. GRADE. It was getting annoying and I told them to stop, and then they said that if I was going to be ‘mean’ to them, I couldn’t hang out with them anymore. Needless to say, I left hanging out with them.
But then…FIFTH GRADE. Oh how I LOVED this school year. (Sarcasm.) So I’d finally gotten comfortable at my old school. In 4th grade, I’d finally made a few friends and my best friend at that time got me into Warriors, and we’d even role-played it during recess. (We somehow managed to get others to join our Clan, which was MoonClan.) So then I’d moved to a new school, one that I hate with a burning passion. (Literally. You can ask anyone who knows me personally in real life. They would most likely say, “Yeah, Marrowfrost constantly declares how much she hates it all the time.” Like, I dislike it that much.) Everyone had called my teacher (let’s call her Mouseclaw, because she gets mentioned A LOT.) the ‘nice teacher’, like my 2nd grade teacher. Then I realized firsthand how horribly wrong they were. First off, I remember her actually YELLING at all of the kids in study hall who were in her room. I know the difference between yelling and stern talking. Mouseclaw would yell at us for 10-15 minutes before we’d actually done anything. And what made things worse is that she HATED me. (And I think I know why…)
Here’s some background information: I was dealing with drama from my new group of friends (I’m only friends with one of them today. The rest we don’t really talk anymore.) and I wasn’t even involved in the first place, but Lightkit (the one who started all the drama) got all jealous because I was spending time with her ‘best friend’ Fernkit (the one who I still am friends with to this day.) and that Fernkit wasn’t hanging out with her. So here’s where it got more intense: My other three friends (Heronkit and Barkkit are twins, and Reedkit was in the other fifth grade class with the GOOD teacher.) also had background with Lightkit, except for Reedkit because she joined our school during December something, I dunno. Heronkit absolutely HATES Lightkit, she still does. (We all go to the same middle school now except for Fernkit. She moved to Pennsylvania, which is FAR from where I live.) So of course Heronkit and Barkkit made things more unbearable. Fights would break out during recess, and no one would really care all that much. And I tried my hardest to fix the situation, but eventually they all just ignored me and started hating me. So then I only had Fernkit, who was most likely the best person in that school, hands down. Another girl also joined our tiny little group, Beekit. And we were good friends pretty much the entire year. But what really bugs me is how they handled the whole situation when I was getting bullied by this little brat called Ratkit. So since the beginning of the year, Ratkit had been spreading rumors about me the entire school year. I told Mouseclaw. She did nothing, I mean it, Ratkit eventually began calling me ‘ugly’, ‘stupid’, ‘mistake’ and several other hurtful things. (It was worse because I was also in the same class as him.) I remember that I’d broken down crying in class, and I’d gone to the social worker. She was there that ONE TIME. The rest? She wasn’t there. (You won’t believe how happy I was when I’d heard she’d got fired.) I remember also pushing my desk on the floor during that time as well, (Fernkit and Beekit were ignoring me during this time though, so I had no friends at all for about 2-3 months.) and I’d been sent to the principal’s. (Oh boy, I dislike her with a burning passion as well.) She’d kept me in her office as a punishment for 2 days straight after that. (Another time some fourth graders had pushed me off of the swings and she’d taken their side when I told her the truth. I was in her office for a whole day after that.) So back to me and Ratkit, it was during recess and the principal was out there as well, and what happened? He said this, “You’re so ugly that you don’t even deserve to live. I hope you rot-” Yeah, you get the idea. So after he’d said that, I punched him in the gut (many of my fellow fifth grade classmates said he deserved it, as he was bullying them too.) and then he’d punched me in the face. And there was a teacher right in front of us with a group of fourth graders watching, and they were LAUGHING when I’d gotten punched in the face. They did see what had happened, and did nothing about it. The principal then took me aside and I’d stayed in her office for almost a week. Ratkit? No punishment for him. Otherwise he’d been in the office too. And there was another time where Lightkit had REALLY gotten on me, Fernkit and Beekit’s nerves, and then I’d upped and smacked her in the face. (Honestly, she deserved it at the time. She was just as bad as Ratkit, with her also spreading rumors about me.) So needless to say, I was not a very happy camper in 5th grade. In fact, I was a very violent camper to say the least.
So Mouseclaw didn’t care. She knew this was happening, and she didn’t even try to resolve it. She had favorites as well. At the beginning of the school year, I cared about my grades. But then as Mouseclaw began getting worse and worse…I eventually just started ripping up my homework papers. My parents didn’t even know, and they probably don’t know about this stage, although they do know about Ratkit and such and such. And as the drama continued, I could barely even sleep. It was that bad. I was falling asleep in class all the time, and Mouseclaw began to catch on really quickly. So what did she do? Well, she decided to take a picture of me sleeping in class, and the rest of my class most likely KNEW this, but didn’t say anything. She’d threatened to show my parents if I didn’t stop, and I couldn’t. It was beyond my control. And besides, Mouseclaw isn’t even allowed to do that. StarClan, she most likely would’ve went to jail if I’d told my parents at the time. (Ah, how I wish I had…she was a jerk.) Oh, and let’s not forget how racist she was. She also despised me because I’m mixed. (I’m both white and black.) So during the parent-teacher conference, she constantly made slurs (but not obvious enough that she’d get in trouble of course.) about my parents. I think she also did that to me as well, but I don’t remember. So yeah, I really hate her. Me and Fernkit were tempted to give her a note saying “You weren’t a really good teacher.” But we didn’t, for the sake of our safety. I remember seeing her during the beginning of my 6th grade year at a clothing store. She greeted me and my mother warmly, and my mom said nothing to her and flat out ignored Mouseclaw. (Understandably so.) So when she said hi to me, I fought back the urge to say “I hate you and stay out of my life.” Instead I just answered her questions about how I was doing with an edge to my voice. Clearly I’ve shown enough of my hatred for 5th grade. Let’s move on to the end of 6th grade and 7th grade. (7th was pretty much one of the better years despite…things.)
The end of 6th was fine, and my friend Hawkpaw was really nice. (There was also Sparkpaw, and she’s still my friend too.) She was a major part in my life at that time, and we’d became best friends. Later in the year Hawkpaw had asked me what my sexual orientation is. (I didn’t even know what that meant at the time, and I don’t know what I even am. I think I’m more of a panromantic asexual, but that’s just me.) I had told her that I didn’t know, and she told me that she was bi. I had no problems with it in anyway shape or form. And then there was a field trip in 6th grade. Me, Hawkpaw and another one of my friends Quailpaw had to share one bus seat because there was barely enough room for everyone. So then Hawkpaw began pestering me on the way back about who I liked (I swear that is SO annoying. Like it’s any of their business to know.) and I had kept saying no one. And then she decided that if she said who she liked, then I’ll say who I liked (which was nobody.). And she said that she liked me. I was shocked, and happy at the same time. But I didn’t feel that way, but I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings and possibly lose a friend. (Hawkpaw was friends with pretty much everyone in 6th grade, and some of my friends I’d made were through hanging out with her. And I didn’t want to go through another version of 5th grade.) So I had just said I liked her back so she wouldn’t be upset. I hated lying to her, but I didn’t want her to be upset with me. During our relationship, I loved making the occasional dirty joke (not all the time) and she’d threaten to kiss me in the middle of class if I did it again. Hawkpaw knew I hated any sort of contact like that. So I simply stopped being myself. (And another “friend”, Grasspaw had told me that I needed to change my entire personality because of it.) At the end of summer break, I’d told her the truth and asked if we could break up. She’d said that it was probably for the best anyways. (And she and Beepaw (Beekit) were dating at the start of 7th grade anyways, so it didn’t really matter.) She was still one of my friends in 7th grade, so there was no hard feelings whatsoever.
So for 7th grade…ah, this one gets a little touchy. So during this year, I was comfortable with my friends, which were Sparkpaw, Hawkpaw, Quailpaw, Honeypaw and Doepaw at the time. (well, the last three were more of acquaintances atm.) But during that year, somethings came up again. Heronpaw and Barkpaw, to be exact. (Heronkit and Barkkit.) Barkpaw wasn’t THAT bad, but still… Anyways, each day during Orchestra (a class that I’m still in with them), Heronpaw wouldn’t stop glaring at me. I told her to stop, and she said that she wasn’t. And she was. Barkpaw defended her, of course. We got over this after a month. Then we started becoming friends again, and they forced me to sit at their table each day. And they weren’t friends with my Sparkpaw or Hawkpaw, either. And they also sat at a completely different table. So things began to worsen again. And it got to the point where I hated them. (Again.) And at the time, my parents were going through a lot of stress. And they love me and my little sisters, don’t them wrong. But sometimes…they go a little overboard when they scold us. For example, my Dad (the family I live with is a Christian family, and we don’t cuss that often. However, my Dad was very strict back then and before he became one he was…violent to say the least.) often calls us extremely lazy and calls us the a word or f word if he’s really angry. And even if it’s just my little sisters, he generalizes us all. Meaning, he’ll always sound like he’s talking about us all at once. He still does this, but not as often. (My Mom doesn’t do it as often, though. But she will if she’s REALLY mad.) And after that one time where he was yelling at my sisters, that was the trigger. I ran to the bathroom with scissors in my hands and cut myself till it was around 10:30 pm, and I’d ran in the bathroom around 9 something. Actually, it’d been going on for weeks. And I’d told Sparkpaw, and she’d said this, “Then just stop cutting.” (She’s the only friend who does know I used to cut, though.) And it really hurt. I couldn’t “just stop”. It’d become a daily thing for me. We’d also had P.E uniforms which were short sleeved shirts and black shorts. You could see the cuts. No one noticed. No one cared. StarClan, I have really long fingernails and I’d used those as well while we were waiting for instructions from the gym teacher. No one even saw me doing this. Or if they did, then they didn’t care. Eventually it came to the point where I’d wanted to kill myself. (And this is where Ratkit’s words had come back. They were always playing in the back of my mind. They still do. People keep telling me to ignore it, but I can’t. The words “You’re ugly and stupid” will always be playing in the back of my head, no matter how hard I try to keep them away. Guess why I hate mirrors now.) Yes, I got help and was sent to the E.R as well. But that day was horrible as well. After the whole situation, I’d said I’d felt sick. And I didn’t eat lunch that day or eat any of the hospital food. I kept saying I’d felt too sick, and I did. I could barely get the food in my mouth without gagging. (And my mom was with me, and she’d gotten me fried chicken. That’s one of my favorite foods. I couldn’t stand eating one of my favorite foods, that’s how bad it was.) Once my Dad was coming to pick me and my Mom up, I’d thrown up on the floor. (It was disgusting, I’ll leave it at that.) Basically things had gone to utter chaos. Things eventually got better. Me and Sparkpaw are still friends, and I’ve forgiven Heronpaw and Barkpaw for what they’ve done and we talk a little bit.
And there was also the subject of who I liked (which was the only person I’ve ever liked in that way, trust me.) and I’ll just call him Smokepaw. (Sparkpaw knew this of course, and she still talks about it.) Somehow I started liking him around October something, despite us never talking before in our entire lives. I’m weird like that. For some reason me and Smokepaw would always share a look. Like, we’d often stare at each other for a couple of seconds. It was weird and awkward, but I mean…it was something. We were both in the same advanced math class and the same health class. (I don’t like how they situated Health, though.) And I remember him being in my health class when we’d finished watching a movie about bullying/suicide and such. I talked a little about what had happened in 5th grade, and I remember saying “If I’d known what suicide was back then, I wouldn’t be here.” So I’m pretty sure everyone else in there forgot about it or it bugged them because the were in my 5th grade class and knew about it. Honestly, I think he remembered that. And around the end of the year, I’d told both Honeypaw and his best friend Flowerpaw (both of them are still my friends as well.) and Flowerpaw just burst into pure, ecstatic joy about it. I can still remember her squealing about it. And she eventually said I should tell Smokepaw, and eventually did (like two weeks later through the wonderful form of post-it-notes). After about a week, me and him talked about it and he surprisingly felt the same way. (And just how did it happen, anyways?) We both felt like we weren’t ready for a relationship, though, us being 7th graders in all. So we remained friends, and we don’t talk that much in 8th grade. And if I’m being completely honest, Smokepaw is one of the few people I thought of when those suicidal thoughts were going through my head and I didn’t want to hurt anyone at all if one day I’d up and gone. (This was honestly one of the best things to happen in my life, actually.)
So why am I ranting about stuff in the previous grades? Well, those suicidal thoughts won’t ever go away, that’s for sure. (Depression sucks, ugh.) And I’m a good student, I mean it, but in 8th grade history/science it’s “oh we have another project this week” and “you also get to have partners.” My StarClan I HATE that. Mainly because I always have no partner. I have friends in my classes but they always have someone else. So I always have to work solo. And I don’t usually mind, but it REALLY gets to me now. In one of my presentations I did all by myself, I’d made an ANIMATION. I’d gotten an A+ on it, and the entire class was impressed too. So you’d think that at least one person would want to be my partner, but no. And I know that everyone wants to be partners with their friends, and I get that but it still hurts. A lot. And in English, 8th grade absolutely ruins it. Now we have to write a memoir on our lives (personally, I hate writing about it and I’d rather not be reminded of the past at the moment.) and I still haven’t finished draft one. And we’re already on draft two, and now it’s supposed to be done tomorrow. I’ve been trying to get my history project done (in which it is not) and I barely have had the time to think about it. Both are due tomorrow, and oof. I’ve gotta present the “animation” I did, and I couldn’t finish it because my friend Honeypaw was trying to get her audio done (which I don’t blame her for- the site she was using kept crashing) and I hadn’t gotten my part done till today. And I need the audio before I animate ANYTHING, I’m really picky like that. So pretty much, we got the audio done but…animation is completely nonexistent. I also had 4 hours to work on it before just giving up and stopping. Plus, my mouse had died while I was in the middle of editing the video. My mousepad on my Chromebook is broken and I use it for school (It was NOT my fault; it’d been broken since the beginning of my summer break this year. And I’ve went to the library twice and nothing still.) so I pretty much panicked and gave up any remaining hope for the video. Needless to say, I’m most likely going to suffer tomorrow. I might talk to my history/science teacher about it though and see if I could present later. (It most likely won’t happen, though. If that happens then I shall resort to going to the social worker or counselor’s office. Yeah, I’ll go that far to get out of it.)
Overall, life has been bugging me constantly and getting stressful once again. (thankfully no drama’s been happening with my friends…and Hawkpaw moved as well, so there’s that as well. But I’m still friends with Sparkpaw, Honeypaw, Quailpaw and Doepaw. The two new friends I made were Harepaw and Icepaw, and they’re good friends as well.) But I’m trying to survive it, even though it’s getting worse. (i.e the mandatory Science Fair Project) I still need some huggles of course, because my thoughts keep drifting back to suicidal thoughts and I’m trying to fight that. It’s really hard. Plus the stress of 8th grade. (I’m well aware it gets worse in High School, but it’s still bad in 8th of course.) Sorry for making this so long, I really needed to rant. (I’ve been typing this for about 2-3 hours now, so…)
Ahh, I’m so sorry, Marrowfrost! All I can tell you is that you have to talk to some adult about it, especially about depression and suicidal thoughts. It helps so much. I really hope you feel better, and you’re NOT stupid or ugly. We love you <3 <3 *hugs*
~flame 2.0*huggles*
That sounds really hard to deal with, and I’m sorry you went through everything that you did. I’m going to start with school, since that might be the easiest to provide advice for:
School can be really stressful, especially when you have to try and work around problems that are really entirely out of your control, and it can be really frustrating. But I promise that one project you hand in late or a test that just didn’t go well does not matter in the long run (if it’s any help, I didn’t even finish my 9th grade math exam, which was worth I think 20% of my overall grade, but now I barely think about it.) . It’s okay to get overwhelmed by school, but you have to talk to your teachers about it. Ask them for help (unless they’re reeaaaally bad, then maybe ask a friend or classmate or find some websites that explain concepts) or for an extension – a lot of teachers are happy to provide an extension for your project as long as they know that you’ve been trying and you just need a little more time. If your teacher is not letting you have an extension, then hand in anything you have. Whether it’s a rough plan of your project, or a paragraph of an essay, or just the audio to your animation. <3
I'm sorry your mousepad isn't working, though, that's really frustrating 🙁
As for depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts – please find someone who you can consistently talk to about these problems, like a therapist. Having someone else knowing about any problems you have helps /so/ much, and although it won't immediately solve all your problems, having someone else who can work through them with you is extremely helpful. Having a creative outlet for your emotions, like drawing or keeping a journal, might also be helpful
Overall, though, you're not stupid or ugly or anything else anyone tries to say to insult you. You're a wonderful person, and everyone here cares about you, I promise.
I'm not sure if this is helpful, since I think I sort of rambled, but I really do hope you feel better, and get some help for your depression/anxiety <3
I agree with Birchfoot 100%
...Rosesong 2.0I’m not sure what to say <3 <3 But after reading this I knew I had to leave some sort of comment so,
*hugs* <3
My Speed, My Lane, My PaceMarrowfrost, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I’ve not really talked to you much around the blog, but from the short conversations I’ve had with you, you seem like an amazing, kind, supportive , s,art person.
School is super stressful, and I know that, going through year 9 right now is a struggle. But one thing, does your school have a counsellor, because mine does and it really really helps people to go and talk to her. With friendship stuff, some people like to say forgive and forget, but from real life experiences, this is probably the most useless piece of advice ever. Things people say stay with you forever, and there’s are some people you will never trust again. (Torrentsun in my case, she’s not a good person)
But when dealing with suicidal thoughts, just think about one person, one person is enough. Just imagine what that person would feel if you died, imagine how they’d would react. Seapaw who is my person, would probably be really upset, and because I have a secret involving her that I haven’t told her, she’d probably blame herself.
Just think about that if you think about killing yourself. Think how much that one person would miss you. And are you willing to do that to them.
But really I suggest going to see a counsellor or some other mental help, it really does help.
Right, so, I have anxiety.
Bad anxiety.
It’s the kind where you’re frustrated-flustered-nervous-sweating-almost crying kind of anxiety.
I don’t know what to do.
And I guess at school I’m much different from how I am here- I guess people could call me rude or snappy. People who see me might think I’m an angel, but people who know me know I’m not. I have flaws and I’m imperfect. But it takes a toll on me now when no one seems to care and they just put us into stereotypes, while the teachers try to make me branch out.
Around older people I’m myself, but when there’s my-aged people, I’m disinterested or above what they’re talking about. I mean, who cares about what kind of shoes you’re wearing, or what style your hair’s in? It’s annoying and ridiculous.
And I come home late every day, thanks to my huge pile of after-school classes. I can’t fit everything i my life in at once while always worrying about everything.
And there’s people in my life who put too much pressure on me. I can’t take it. I don’t know what do anymore, and I’m tired.
I’m just mentally tired right now and I want a break from life.
Advice?
~flame 2.0Have you tried meditating? It’s really soothing and helps relax the body and mind. There are some guided meditations on YouTube and other places online.
...Rosesong 2.0I’m sorry, Rain 🙁 I feel the same way. I don’t really have any advice, but I have a ton of *hugs* for you <3
~spidey 2.0Guys, I’m still really upset about the AU. I just want to be able to look up my favorite character on YouTube and find something new that isn’t related to the AU, but I don’t think it will ever happen. Spottedleaf is the character I relate to most (to the point of where I headcanon her as being autistic like me)- I also try to help people wherever I can, and I relate to her feeling of wanting a love that she can’t have.
So seeing half the fandom demonize her hurts me. It’s even crept onto BlogClan; I’m not safe anywhere. I just want someone to love her for the same reasons I do. I love her because she’s kind and pure and wholesome. Please, can we just have SOME new content that isn’t related to demonizing her? Maybe a cute lil’ MAP set to an innocent song and based on her actual, canon personality? Please? I’m begging you. I want to be able to love canon Spottedleaf without being alone in my love for her. People have actually been taunted for saying they dislike the AU. It’s gotten out of hand. Can we please get some Spottedleaf content that is pure and innocent- you know, the exact reason I like the character?
Sorry you feel that way, Brightberry! Well, if you are patient enough, you could practice doing animation, and make your own! You should probably have a YouTube account, though. But remember that others don’t treat Spottedleaf how you think they do! I am a HUGE Spottedleaf defender.
I like Spottedleaf, too. People probably just dislike her because they’re bored and Warrior cats is just so awesome, you have to alter it to make it bad. 😉
Besides, there is nothing that shows that Spottedleaf is evil. She helped save Jayfeather when he was drowning in StarClan, she helped save Tawnypelt when she had a rat bite, she helped save that one cat in Firestar’s Quest by helping Sandstorm remember the right herb. She’s helped a lot.
Here’s my favorite fan art of her!
...Rosesong 2.0I LOVE SPOTTEDLEAF SHE IS SO STRONG AND AMAZING!!!!!
Live. Laugh. Love. Blog.I’m sorry you feel this way. The AU isn’t canon and the people who like it (me) know her actual personality. 💙
Ivypool 2.0You inspired me to make art for her, if that helps?
(Obviously nice fanart 😁)
I’m kinda neutral towards her, but I’d feel awful if lots of people insulted my favorite character.
Hugs!
(I’ll post it in a bit!)
Okay. I have a big problem.
I like girls better then boys. I like both, but I actually have a girlfriend, named Leopardpetal and she’s really nice. But she’s pansexual and she’s starting to crush on another boy named, let’s say, Parsleyspice. She’s been hugging him when they see each other and to add on top of that, my other friend named Briartail and his boyfriend, Flameheart, are going to be breaking up. Not in a bad way, they just decided that it was best to break up and find another boyfriend. But, I think that Briartail has a crush on Parsleyspice! He’s been acting the same way around Parsleyspice that Leopardpetal acts around him! It also seems that Parsleyspice has a crush on Leopardpetal. He’s been blushing and shuffling around when he sees her. I also think that Flameheart is crushing on ME, you know, him being pan and all. The other night, I went to a chess club , but unfortunately, it wasn’t much fun because the person I was playing kept saying I took to long. Honestly, you would think I took all day…. The point is, another boy, in the chess club, I’ll call him Acornblaze, told me I was, quote unquote “Really pretty”. I literally blushed the rest of the time and when I left, Leopardpetal was sitting with Parsleyspice taking a selfie with her. She turned to me and asked me why I was blushing. I told her that a boy complimented me. Then, she got all puffy and red and yelling cuss words. I told him he was ugly and gross (he wasn’t, he was totally hot), and she told me that only made him a better match for me. Then, she grabbed Parsleyspice’s hand and he pecked her on the cheek. SERIOUSLY!?! Then, I went looking for Flameheart and Briartail, to talk to them about it. But, it turns out that Briartail was chatting with another boy and Flameheart had been looking for me. I talked to him about it but he got upset that Briartail would be upset because Briartail had a crush on Parsleyspice. I told him it would be fine, but he started to cry, so I brushed his hair out of his eyes and he hugged me. I mean, he’s hugged me before but he literally cried into my shoulder for 49 seconds. Then, my mom came to pick us up so we stopped hugging, he wiped his eyes, and he told me that he was lucky to have me as a friend. It was all extremely confusing. So, I need hugs and advice. Lots of advice.
If you read this, you deserve a Porsche 911. 🙂 Thank you for hearing me out!
...Rosesong 2.0OMSC I am sooooo sorry Spoto! You don’t deserve that! You’re an awesome person, and you definitely deserve to be treated better! I don’t really have any good advice for this, but you should talk to Leopardpetal and Parsleyspice. Tell them that’s it’s annoying and rude when they do stuff in public, and so what, Leopardpetal?! You have a boyfriend, leave Spoto alone! Welp anyway she should treat you better.
Lots of hugs!
Find your place.~Star
Thank you, Star. 🙂
...Rosesong 2.0Spotted, I’m so sorry to hear this. You didn’t deserve any of that awful stuff happening to you. I can’t offer much advice (I’ve never been in a relationship) but I hope things get better.
Thank you, Brightfrost.
...Rosesong 2.0