The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Frostmoon stretches her paw outwards, with what seems to be a golden goose head on it.
“Good folk of the Hazelpage” she begins, “Follow under my reign as a new clan-” she raised her head and yowled. “Join FrostedClan!”
“Next year, the elections begin in June,” She stated. “If I can be voted as medicine cat, FrostedClan will take over BlogClan itself! We will prosper!”
A grin spreads over FrostedFrostpaw’s face. “We promise shelter and free non-existent cookies to everyone who joins.” She flicked her tail. “So, cats of the Hazelpage, who wants to join?”
“I will never join FrostedClan!” Hazel jumps up on a table. “Everyone, let’s form HazelClan in honour of the Hazelpage and definitely not because of my name! Everyone gets free cookies and Christmas gifts!” They declare, challenging Frostpaw
“hmm i do like free cookies abd christmas gifts…”
Scorchmsit snarls at Frostpaw. “We will not be governed by a monarch!” She hisses. “Down with Frostpaw! Down with Frostpaw!” She chants.
“Then join HazelClan, the first democratic clan!” Hazel tries to convince Scorchmist
“DOWN WITH FROSTPAW! DOWN WITH FROSTPAW” Lilacpaw would join in the chanting
Dinosaurdino crawls out of someone’s stomach because apparently dinosaurs taste good and were all eaten last page.
“Sure, I’ll join” he says.
“I’ll be the deputy! Overthrow the dodos!” Scorch yowls solemnly, standing as straight as possible because she was biromantic asexual.
“JOIN US!” she chanted in joy, flicking her tail and also standing as straight as possible because she was questioning.
Sure, it’s probably going to turn into a Twixclan and Kitkatclan war or something like that, but I’ll join Frostedclan.
“Sure :D”
dinosaurmoonshade raises her head
She managed to escape the dinosaurs being eaten on the last page
“sure, I like cookies”
“Never!” Sparkpaw grins evilly, pulling out her lightsaber from thin air.
Lionflakepaw gets up after the tree self-destructs and roars quieter this time,
“WHO WANTS MY SPECIAL NUTELLA CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! WITH HOLLY SHAPED SPRINKLES!” Lionflakepaws homemade cookies start raining from the ceiling. Lionflakepaw sits and eats some cookies smiling.
“I WANT!!!” Hazel immediately starts grabbing as many cookies as they can because they love cookies
Harpy Wynn soars through the air and grabs some cookies while doing a double flip. “Ah, the terrifying temptation of nutella cookies!” They sigh.
“y e s”
“YES- wait, did you say nutella?? ” Sparkpaw snarls, not really knowing why she doesn’t like nutella.
“YES!!!!!!” Leafpaw opens her mouth wide and lets the cookies rain into her mouth. “YUM YUM YUM!!!!!!” Leafpaw goes on a sugar rush because of too much sugar and starts rampaging around.
“Allies of FrostedClan!” Frostpaw stood up to the
Kahoot!podium and tapped the microphone. “We have our own camp! The Frosted Camp!”She swished her tail and grinned. “The link in my name leads to our territories. Spread the word of FrostedClan!” She yowled. “Come on- did you see the purrs lately? We literally dethroned a mod! We have all the power in the world!”
Frostpaw straightened up. “Join us, for a democratic new reign of fun and joy! Join us for peace! If we get strong enough, I will run for medicine cat in 2023 and we shall conquer BlogClan with my clan by my side!”
Sorry, link isn’t working.
Scorchmist starts throwing rotten fruit at Frostedmoon and yells, “Down with FrostedClan!”
“Y’ALL, THE LINK IS WORKING NOW!”
“Commander, the link isn’t working!” Harpy Wynn yells.
Primrosepaw breaks the non existent door down, “I HAVE COME BACK… WITH THE MILK” she proudly yowls
“We could do with some milk in FrostedClan!”
“Wots frostedclan-?”
Sparkpaw sneaks up to Primrosepaw and pulls out her lightsaber.
“Not for long!” She destroys the milk with her lightsaber.
“H O W D A R E Y O U”
“I D A R E”
“Wait- you came back? That’s not how getting milk works…” Hollykit paces around the room, confused.
“That’s exactaly how it works !”
Harpy Wynn fixes the broken non-existent door.
Scorchmist gets up on a table and begins speaking. “Lately I have become aware of certain individuals, namely Frostedmoon, who have attempted to unite the members of the Hazelpage into a governed society. I consider anyone who tries to do this a threat to our interests,” She says. “The Hazelpage has always been, and always will be, an anarchy. We will not be turned into a republic!” Scorchmist continues. “Down with FrostClan! Down with government!” She chants.
“WE AREN’T A SOCIETY- WE ARE FREE! UP WITH FREEDOM, UP WITH FUN, UP WITH FROSTEDCLAN!” Frostpaw yowled.
“YES! AND IN FROSTEDCLAN I DON’T THINK YOU CAN DESTROY CHRISTMAS TREES!” Sparkpaw yowls, slashing her lightsaber through the trunk of another Christmas tree that for some reason hasn’t been destroyed yet.
“Nooooo! Not the poor milk!” Lionflakepaw says quietly so not to knock a tree over. . . Again.
Lionflakepaw takes out his lion orange and cyan lightsaber and goes after Sparkpaw, “Sparkpaw! You shall pay for destroying the precious, delicious milk!”
Scorchmist grabs the lightsaber she got for Christmas and joins Lionflakepaw in chasing Sparkpaw around.
Sparkpaw runs for her life.
Hollykit peeks her head into the room.
“I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I last saw you guys,” Hollykit reminisces. (yeah sure the last time she came here was like a day ago but shhhh)
Sparkpaw nods calmly while running away from Scorchmist and Lionflakepaw. “We don’t talk about days.”
“Happy New Years, guys :)” says Hollykit in spite of all the chaos.
Harpy Wynn nods in agreement.
Happy new years to you too!” Sparkpaw smiles while being chased around the tavern by two cats (one’s a lion but we don’t talk about that) who are angry she destroyed Primrosepaw’s milk.
*EXCUSE ME THAT WAS PERFECT MILK 😭
“Hey everyone,” Sparkpaw leaps up onto an unbroken Christmas tree so she can take a break from running. “I invented a new version of We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” She leaps onto the rafters.
“WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR NO NO NO, WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR- IT WAS THE RIVERCLAN BATTLE DAY, THEY WERE FIGHTING ALREADY AND THERE WASN’T A DEAD REDTAIL IN SIGHT- No dead Redtail was in sight- TIGERCLAW WALKS IN, WITH A MISCHIEVOUS GRIN- Kills Redtail- YOU TELLING THE STORY OR AM I- I’m sorry go on- TIGERCLAW WALKS INTO CAMP- Carrying Redtail with him-”
Sparkpaw pauses. “Want me to stop yet?”
NO
dinosaurriv yowls
CONTINUE
YES
THIS IS AMAZING
KEEP GOING
“Okay!” Sparkpaw leaps onto another tree. “Says ‘OAKHEART KILLED REDTAIL AND I TOTALLY DIDN’T’ But it’s so obvious, BLUESTAR MAKES LIONHEART DEPUTY INSTEAD OF HIM- Tigerclaw gets angry-
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR NO, NO, NO
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR
HEY I can always hear Tigerstar muttering and mumbling, coming up with plans with Darkstripe, stuttering and stumbling, I associate him with the sound of falling Redtail- It’s a heavy lift with a secret so disturbing, always left me scared, jumpy and frequently hiding- trying to make sense with evil so bad and confusing-
A seven mouse-length frame, deathberries along his back, when he calls Bluestar’s name Cinderpaw’s leg fades to black,
Firepaw sees StarClan dreams of Tigerstar feasting on screams-
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR NO NO NO
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR
StarClan told me Cinderpaw’s leg would die, many seasons later, dead,
StarClan told me he’d murder Redtail, and just like they said-
StarClan told me Bluestar’d pick him as deputy, it wasn’t in my head-
Your fate is sealed when he’s not in your head-
He told me that the power of my dreams would be promised and someday be mine, he told me that I’d be his deputy and that anyone who disobeyed us would be wrapped in a vine
He told me that the life of my dreams would never happen- all because of him-
Hey Fireheart, you’d better save Bluestar-
Yeah, Tigerstar, yeah about that Tigerstar- I want to know about Tigerstar, gimme the truth about Tigerstar-
Hey Firestar BloodClan’s on their way-
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT TIGERSTAR, NO, NO, NO
Why did I talk about Tigerstar?
NOT A WORD ABOUT TIGERSTAR
Never should’ve brought up Tigerstar-”
[insert thunder]
(Also, just a challenge, anyone know how to make a Warriors-related sentence about Redtail’s death that rhymes with Tigerstar walked into camp? Oh, make that two actually)
Claps
“NO KEEP GOING!!!!”
HI
dinosaurriv yowls
IM BACK AND I CHANGED MY PURRSONA
LIKE IT?
YAAAAAS
Creations vibes.
riv vibes alongside creations
Holly vibes alongside Creations.
Lilac vibes alongside Creations
Spiro joins the vibe train.
Lionflakepaw may not be able to reach Sparkpaw but continues running because Lionflakepaw LOVES to run. Finally Lionflakepaw sits down and spawns a fiver burger(five pattys in one bun, which I have actually eaten in less than 10 minutes, a few days ago)
Sparkpaw attempts to type quickly but she has typed quickly too much and now her paw hurts. Because cats aren’t supposed to type at all.
Creations yeets the keyboard. “Are we cats or just humans in disguise?”
No we are cats in a human disguise lol
We are cats in human disguise in cat disguise