The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitinglyย and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rusticย carumย bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls,ย three floorsย and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top!ย We’ve returned, freeย from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up yourย HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Wild sits in her own specific corner of the Hazelpage, alone on the tree-stump stool. Over time, she’s decorated it with her very own designs- ivy weaving up the walls, and a calming mist hanging in the air, slightly heavy and wet with dew. (It seems invisible to the named eye, until you tap the brick with a raven drawn onto it.)
She’s taken on a new form, and she believes it is her favourite so far. A black, brown and dark blue cat with large raven wings, and leaves in her fur, winding up her legs. Her emerald eyes are shining.
Creationpaw proceeds to float menacingly, holding a vanilla cupcake with lemon frosting, but it’s not actually lemon because they are extremely limited in food sources due to citric acid being everywhere. They proceed to throw powdered sugar around for no reason.
Monday *exists*
Me:
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Flamepaw sits in a corner, inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide. “Mmmm,” Flamepaw says, breathing some more. “Oxygen. And carbon dioxide. Wonderful.” She grabs her flamethrower, which is sitting next to her. “Welp. Arson can’t wait. ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She yells, throwing herself back into the commotion of the Hazelpage.
ARSON OM NOM NOM
Creations takes a deep breath, bracing for the impact of multiple angry fans.
“Star Trek is better than Star Wars!”
โI mean!โ Icepaw says, preparing to argue. โY-yeah, youโre rightโฆโ
I don’t know because I havenโt seen them but I would say Star Wars is better than Star Trek.
Sandbreeze shoots a glare from her pit of Hazelpage inactivity. The call sumons her out, and she pulls out her lightsaber.
“How DARE you, Creations, for hurting the wonderful world of Star Wars.”
“No Star Trek will EVER beat it.”
She murmurs a Harry Potter spell under her breath, and then pulls out her wand.
“Harry Potter and Star Wars COMBINED will DEFEAT THIS WRETCHED STAR TREK.”
“Lord of the Rings is better than Harry Potter (Who makes pots) AND Star wars COMBINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dewpaw screams, and grabs out Gandalf’s staff and Legolas’ bow. “NOBODY (And I mean NOBODY in capital letters) will Destroy the Wonderful world of Middle Earth!!!!!!!!”
Flamepaw pokes her head out of the smoke created by her glorious arson. “To be honest, I’ve never watched either!” She says, committing arson while talking. “But I hate Star Wars, so I guess you’re right! Welp, duty calls!” She proceeds to continue committing arson. “ARSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Right,” Wolfpaw says, rubbing his paws together. “It’s ARSON TIME!!” He yells, setting fire to a cabbage. Then he eats the cabbage. Then he runs around the room screaming unintelligibly because the cabbage was very hot.
I will form an alliance with Arson
“ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Flamepaw hollers at the top of her lungs. “LET’S COMMIT AS MUCH AS WE CAN IN THIRTY SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She proceeds to dump gasoline on everything and chucks lit matches on said stuff with gas on it.
“HehehehehahahahaHAHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” Wolfpaw does his best evil laugh and sets fire to a random raccoon that falls from the ceiling. “Who wants to join the Arson Cult??? I have T-SHIRTS!!!” Wolfpaw says, throwing T-shirts everywhere.
“YEAH!! WE HAVE T-SHIRTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Flamepaw hollers. “AND ALSO SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!! AND HOT DOGS FOR SOME REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she adds. “SO JOIN THE ARSON CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
โYouโve convinced me.โ Icepaw says to Woflbite. โIโm in. Happy late Clanniversary, by the way.
Shadow the Wolf has not been here for quite a while, so she looks around warily for new faces. Hmm. She notes that the Arson Cult is still going strong, so she shouts,
“I, too, will form an alliance with Arson! I volunteer my wolfish warriors to the cause of justice by fire and flame!!” And with that, she bombs the area with ghostly green flames and blue fire.
Let the arson… BEGIN.
ARSONNNNN! Forever!!!
“Wonderful,” Flamepaw says, holding a stack of papers. “Well, you need to fill out these forms and such to join the Arson Cult… Ah, who am I kidding?” She shoves the papers in Shadow’s hands and says, “here ya go! For arson, of course!” She trots away, dumping gasoline on literally everything and throws matches wildly around the Hazelpage.
A black she-cat walks in, her pelt covered in long scratches, and her eye is bleeding. “What is Arson even?” She asks in a cold, quiet, shy voice as she hears Shadow the Wolf finish the sentence.
(Flipping heck I am ADDICTED to BlogClan!)
“WHAT IS ARSON?!” Flamepaw exclaims, throwing her hands (and the flamethrower she’s holding) in the air in surprise. “WHAT IS ARSON?!?!?! ONLY THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER CREATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She pulls out one of her flamethrowers and thrusts it in this newgoer’s hands. “Here, try it! It’s very fun and no one will convince me otherwise and if you don’t find it fun then one of us will probably commit arson on you! Actually, we might do that anyway, so be on the lookout!” She says cheerfully as she skips back into the chaos of the
ArsonHazelpage. She pokes her head out of the smoke that was caused by the arson. “Oh, and you’re holding it backwards.” She points to the flamethrower. “Well, enjoy! ARSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”Dewpaw (earlier known as Fernkit) whispers under her breath, then, shouts as loud as she could “You’re right!! I form an alliance with Arson!
ARSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sandbreeze leaps beside Flamepaw. “Yes, IT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER AND NO ONE WILL EVEN QUESTION IT!!! You must BOW before the great ARSON, for its power can destroy everything!!”
Sandbreeze proceeds to pouring gas over the floor, then sets it aflame. MUWAHAHAHHA
(Also, not on topic but isn’t h*** a bad word????)
“YES. ARSON IS THE MOST AMAZING AND WONDERFUL THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!” Flamepaw adds, throwing some matches into Sandi’s already started fire.
(And technically yes, h-e-double-hockey-sticks is a bad word, but it’s not a major bad word, and to some it’s more of a biblical word than anything ^^)
“ARSONNNNN!!!!!” Wolfpaw shouts, dumping 309867452944758305397304858593038530385939593038280502818181839402914858348304084038403856006079898978685747336261514153749506983738504837495068573720219183920249505382038503 gallons of oil onto the floor and setting it on fire. “Shoot. We’re causing global warming.” He realizes.
(I use h*** sometimes, but really it refers to a place, the opposite of heaven, more than anything.)
Whoops, that slipped through the cracks. Rule of thumb, everyone: if you’re using the word Hell to refer to a religious (ex. biblical) or mythological (ex. Norse, where it’s spelled Hel) location, it’s fine, but if it’s being used for any other reason aside from that, kindly use a safer version of the word like heck ๐
๐ Good to know!
“Isn’t this actually Terrorism?” Dewpaw asks as she ‘accidentaly’ (Sarcasm alert ๐ ) pours gasoline on everything in sight, then shrieks as a Police Cat grabs her and arrests her for committing arson.
What do you do?
Sandbreeze gathers up her army of pink-colored weapon-loaded taco cats and barges into the Hazelpage.
“PINK IS AN AMAZING COLOR THAT IS NOT JUST RESERVED FOR GIRLSS!!” She screams at the top of her voice, dancing on the chairs and ordering her taco cats to randomly target cats in the area.
Hollykit shrugs. “Personally, I like magenta better.” Then she proceeds to light the bread she’s holding on fire, then eats it.
(This place brings back memories)
Silverkit bursts through the door and then calmly precedes to sit down at a table.
A glass of lemonade appears along with some cookies on a plate as she settles back to watch the chaos. (You’re welcome to plow through my table or something)
(this is my first time on the hazelpage and I already love it)
“I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN THE ARSON CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hazykit yowled and dumped gas on Silverkit’s table and lit it on fire.
“ARSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She screamed and dumped some more gas and lit it on fire again.
“ARSoN IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Flamepaw yells in agreement. “HERE’S A FREE FLAMETHROWER!!!!! AND WELCOME TO THE ARSON CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she yells maniacally.
“Thanks for the flamethrower,” Hazykit thanks Flamepaw and jumps into the fire and suddenly realizes how much fire hurt and jumps out. “OWWWWWWWWWWW!” She squeaks and starts shooting fire everywhere with her flamethrower.
“ARRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she screams as loud as her voice can go and starts laughing maniacally.
“SURE! FLAMETHROWERS COMMIT ARSON AND I HAVE ABOUT FIVE THOUSAND IN MY GARAGE, ALONG WITH SEVEN THOUSAND MILLION GALLONS OF GASOLINE AND A BUNCH OF MATCHES, AND WE GOTTA SPREAD THE LOVE OF ARSON!!!!!!” She pauses to catch her breath. “ARSONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Hazykit nods at Flamepaw
“ARRRRSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN IS AMAZING!!!!”
“CORRECT!” Flamepaw yells while burning everything in sight.
Sunflight walks into a place full of arson and cats screaming how much they love it. She begins to back away but then accidentally knocks over a bunch of gasoline and commits arson with it. “Umm.” She proceeds to join in on the screaming.
“ARSONNNNNNN!!!!”
“CORRECT!” Flamepaw yells from where she’s committing arson and blasting Hamilton music on the speakers that have appeared out of nowhere. She knows that she’s most likely going to make someone go deaf from the loudness of the music, but does she care? No, absolutely not. “ARSON IS AMAZING!!!!!!! AND HAMILTON! THAT TOO!!! AND BOOKS!!! BUT MOSTLY ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
(EDIT: I can still edit!! SPEEDY MOD!!! :000)
Sunflight’s ear explode from the loud music and fold down so no more damage is done. The she screams, “Does this mean I can join the arson cult!?”
“YES OF COURSE YOU JUST NEED TO COMMIT ARSON, WHICH YOU CLEARLY DO!” Flamepaw yells over the music. “AND I’M NOT REALLY IN CHARGE OF THE ARSON CULT, AS IT’S AN ANARCHY, BUT I’M MOST WELL KNOWN FOR ARSONING I THiNK!”
Hollykit breathes in a deep breath. “No, no, no, you are doing it wrong,” she says in a calm tone. “You must do it in a way no one ever expects.” She closes her eyes in meditation. Then she opens them, opens every fridge in her sight, lays bread everywhere, pours gasoline like peanut butter on each slice of bread, then calmly sets fire on all of the bread. Then she jumps on the table and cackles menacingly.
“Guys, guys, guys, hear me out,” says Hollykit, entering the door after StarClan knows how long. “COMMITTING ARSON ON BREAD.”
Flamepaw’s jaw drops open. “GLORIOUS IDEA.” She hands Hollykit a flamethrower. “GO DO YOUR GLORIOUS IDEA NOW! ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
โA R S O Nโ she yells as she ignites all the bread with the flamethrower. And some parts of the building, too, because why not?
Sunflight gasps. “Two of my favorite things…” She muttered. Then she took a bite of a nice arson toast.
“THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!!!” Hazykit yowled to Hollykit. Suddenly a bunch of angry bread monsters spawned out of nowhere.
“ARSOOONN!!!” Hazykit screamed and used her flamethrower to burn a bread monster into ashes.
“EVERYONE WHO LIKES TO COMMIT ARSON, I SUMMON YOU!!! NOW LET’S BURN SOME BREAD MONSTERS!!!” She yelled and started going crazy with the flamethrower.
I’ve been summoned.
“Yes, you have been. NOW BURN THEMMMMMMMMMMMMM!” Hazykit yelled and gave her a few matches.
Hazykit then started going crazy with her flamethrower again.
“HELLO!! ARSONLORD, AT YOUR SERVICE!!!!!!!!” Flamepaw yells, appearing out of nowhere. “ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she hollers, still blasting Hamilton music on her speakers, and lighting everything in sight on fire.
“HELLOOOOO, RANDOM PERSON WHO LIKES ARSON HERE!” She yelled and started pouring gasoline in every corner of the hazelpage and lighting it on fire then shooting her flamethrower everywhere.
Skypaw is curled up in a bed in the top floor. “I wonder what arson is”, she mutters, biting into a cookie. “And I wonder from a scale of โพ๏ธ to โพ๏ธ how chaotic it is two floors down.”
“WHY HELLO THERE!” Flamepaw appears out of nowhere with a flamethrower. “I heard you were asking about the MOST GLORIOUS THING KNOWN TO HUMANITY, otherwise known as ๐ฅ๐ฅARSON๐ฅ๐ฅ!! Wellllllll, lucky for you, I’m here to help you!” She places the flamethrower in Skypaw’s hands, another flamethrower appearing in her hands. “Now, you take the flamethrower, and use it to set things on fire! For example-” she grabs a box of matches and throws said matches all over the place- “you can use matches to start the fire, and gasoline helps a lot, and, of course, FLAMETHROWERS!” She smiles. “Happy arsoning! ยกNos vemos en la juerga de incendios maliciosos!” she says cheerfully, disappearing into thin air to commit some more arson back down on the first floor, where more people would be there to watch and join the Arson Cult.
“Uh- Okay”, Skypaw says, trying to put the flamethrower back into Flamepaw’s paws but failing. “Okay, so- I’ll just leave this- Here?” She places it in the ground and prays to StarClan she won’t set the bedroom on fire.
Hollykit clears her throat before calmly saying, “Arson is a noun. It means: the criminal act of deliberately setting fire to property. Here is an example of a sentence: ‘It appears that someone has committed arson to this unfortunate slice of bread.’ Here is a physical example of arson.” She then hoists up her flamethrower and ignites everything in her sight.
Skypaw shifts to another bed, since hers is scorched. “Thanks for the L.A. class.”