The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
After surveying the room and watching the arsonist crew set things on fire, Scorchmist frowns, as she can’t recall any flames or arson from her days of the Hazelpage. However, he distinctly remembers significantly higher rates of organized crime, Christmas tree destruction, and guitar playing.
“FOOD FIGHT!!!” The crowd roars as Reedpaw and Cherrypaw take turns slapping each other with arson cheese and various other burnt food items. “Hey, everybody join in!” Reedpaw shouts. “What are you waiting for???”
Dawnpaw quickly went to fandom to hazypaw’sarsoncheese.com, but then realized she didn’t have a fandom account. She sighed, and stole one from Hazypaw’s pocket (idk how that works since she’s a cat, but eh idc). she ripped it into tiny little pieces, and started throwing them on everybody. Then, she stuffed some into her mouth.
“Arson,” she growled with her mouth full, losing all her brain cells and IQ. So, she climbed out of her comment, on her name, and jumped up to the orange bar at the top. She carefully walked to where it said New Member? and slided down. She landed at the bottom, on Login or Register, and climbed up so that she was on Ask BlogTeam for Assistance. She then clicked that, and got teleported to the BlogTeam Den. She went two pages back, to page 399, and looked at Hollypool’s second comment on the page. She looked at Embix’s reply to Will’s reply, and thought, What’s left? And what’s East?
Scorchmist was quietly reading a spell book at the back of the room, when she was hit by a flying Boston Creme Donut. “You call that a food fight?” She hissed, “I’ll give you a food fight!” She grabbed the mysterious purple and orange foaming drink that sat on her table, and threw it as hard as she could. It collided with the back of Readpaw’s head, exploding into a shower of sparks and purple smoke.
“YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Flam exclaims. “I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR A FOOD FIGHT TO BREAK OUT FOR 87 YEARS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She starts chucking Cheddar Goblin macaroni and cheese (by DeVane 😉 ) at everyone.
“FEAST UPON THIS!” Sunheart turned around, put on iconic goggles, and grabbed a taco. She took a vile of the hottest sauce in all fifty one states and poured it onto the taco. She flung the taco at a bystander. “PEOPLE, I GIVE YOU ARSON TACOS!”
After Scorchmist’s drink hit Reedpaw in the head, the apprentice staggered in circles for a bit before finally colliding with some of Hazypaw’s arson cheese. “Oh, this is just what I need,” she muttered, setting it on fire and hurling it in Scorchmist’s direction. The two cats started squabbling over arson cheese rights, and finally Hazypaw came over to break it up. “EVERYONE HAS EQUAL RIGHTS OVER ARSON CHEESE!” she shouts. Reedpaw resumed the food fight with a well-placed smoking arson taco, and Scorchmist quickly retaliated…
Scorchmist leaped at the drinks bar, knocking over numerous bottles of mysterious elixirs. She unsheathed her lightsaber and swung it wildly at the cats around her, setting objects ablaze.
Flamepaw grabs a container of movie theater popcorn as she watches Reedpaw and Scorchmist Arson Battle. “Woohoo!!!! Awesome arson-ing, you guys!!!”
NO THAT’S MY ARSON CHEESE!” Hazypaw screeches, getting a wagon and taking it back to her garage, which had a code on it, so no one could get in >:D
Hazypaw rushed to her garage and started grabbing all the arson cheese she could carry, she even stored some in her pocket the Dawny had already stole some out of.
She then slapped everyone with it from the corner, watching as the food fight broke out among everyone.
When she ran out, she rushed to her garage again and garbbed all the extra food she had, including hot dogs, a cake shaped like a flamethrower, chips, and candy.
She slapped cats with the hot dogs, threw the cake at the one-and-only Flamepaw, Sprinkled the chips on the floor so that they would stab a few passers, and threw the candy at random cats, eating the extras
As one of the ogs, Icy has not been to the Hazelpage in roughly 1.3 billion years.
I had forgotten the arson rules here, so I was greeted by lots of flames. I kinda forgot about that part. I am about to say something, but then I remember this isn’t Twitter.
Where did the freedom of speech laws go?
“What the- dang.”
“Hi Icy, great to see you!” Flamepaw waves rapidly while committing arson. “Would you like to join us?”
Icy pokes at her food. “My food is burnt.”
“IT TASTES GREAT, THOUGH!” Sunheart yowled even though she was right in front of Icydawn.
“I HAVE DESCOVERED SOMETHING TREMENDOUS!” Dawnpaw yowled, jumping on a table, her previous IQ and brain cells only half restored. “THERE IS ARSON FOOD IN THE WORLD!”
Everyone stopped the food fight and looked at Dawnpaw.
“SEARCH UP FLAMBE ON GOOGLE! IF YOU DON’T TAKE THE FLAMES OFF AND YOU SLAP A WALL WITH IT, IT’S ARSON FOOD! ALSO, EVEN THOUGH SOME OF US ARE APPRENTICES, WE STILL DRINK ALCOHAL BECAUSE WE ARE CRAZY, RIGHT!?” Dawnpaw waited for an answer.
The alcohol in wine, ethanol burns off since it has a boiling temp of 78 degrees celsius, so that’s why it’s safe for kids to eat stuff like the Christmas pud that is drenched in spirits then set of fire, since the alcohol evaporates 😀
eh idc, don’t ruin this special moment 😛
“WE ARE CRAZY!” Cherrypaw yowls in response. “WE WILL SET THE WORLD ON FIRE WITH ARSON CHEESE AND OTHER FLAMING PROVISIONS!” *proceeds to send some Christmas pudding drenched in spirits and set on fire flying towards Dawnpaw’s carefully groomed and faintly scorched fur* “RESUME THE FOOD FIGHT!”
“Arson has never tasted better!” Scorchmist exclaimed, in the voice of a radio advertiser.
Icy is still looking at her food in disappointment.
Cherrypaw nabs Icy’s food to smush in some other cat’s face. “Sorry!” she calls, leaving Icy to stare at empty air in disappointment.
“That stuff was trash anyway.” Icy says.
“Have you tried Hazypaw’s arson cheese?” Cherrypaw yowls back, mouth full. “You might change your mind!” She then proceeds to paint the walls of the Hazel Tavern with flaming cream cheese. The aroma was tantalizing.
“It really is!” Hazypaw agrees. “Of course it is, I made it…” she adds under her breath and continues pelting random cats with her cheese.
As Voidstreak saw several bottles of flaming he wondered why he had not heard of the term arson a grin appeared on his face he turned and grabbed a bottle of gin and a taco and then he created the simile ginny
Sunheart clenched a bottle of spicy juice *cough cough alcohol cough* in her mouth. She popped the cap and drew a circle around her and lit it aflame. “I love the fact that spicy juice *cough cough alcohol cough* is flammable!”
“Ooh yes… Spicy Juice is reborn!” Reedpaw lifts her head to the sky and leads the food fighting cats in an eager chant. “Spicy Juice! Spicy Juice!”
“Less talking, more food fighting!” Some cat yells, and the food fight is resumed.
Scorchmist, recovering from her collision with the drinks bar, yelled, “Down with the mods-I mean king!” before grabbing and uncorking a bottle labeled, “Featherstripe’s Liquid Anarchy.” She then splashed the contents everywhere, before throwing the half empty bottle at a startled waiter.
“Hey, what was that for?” The waiter in question turned out to be Cherrypaw cleverly disguised in an apron. “Watch where you throw your drinks!” This prompted a wave of charred tomatoes from the watching crowd, all of which highly enjoyed throwing drinks for no reason at all.
“FLAMMABLE STUFF IS MY BEST FRIEND!” Flamepaw agrees. “ANARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY!!” she starts chanting.
“ANARCHY! ANARCHY!” Hazypaw joined while also slapping some cats with cheese.
Darkkit hesitantly asks, “What is this place???” She frowns. “Why are cats slapping each other with arson cheese? What is arson cheese anyway???”
In between chants of “Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!” Scorchmist yelled, “It’s the Hazelpage! Wanna join us?” She then continued chanting and waving around her lightsaber.
“I you want to know about arson cheese, look at hazypaw’sarsoncheese.com on the wiki!” Hazypaw told her. “I made it myself!”
She doesn’t tell Darkkit any of the unneeded information she asked for, because arson cheese was the only important thing. She then walks away and continues to both eat and throw candy.
“IT’S THE HAZELPAGE! YOU CAN ALSO CALL IT THE ARSONPAGE! IT’S LIKE THE TAVERN, BUT A ROLEPLAY!” Dawnpaw crazily yowled back to Darkkit.
“AND ARSON CHEESE IS THE WONDERFUL CHEESE HAZYPAW MADE, YOU CAN BUY IT AT https://blogclan-2.fandom.com/wiki/Hazypaw%27sarsoncheese.com!”
She ate three more pieces of arson cheese, and sighed. “You should try flambe-d arson cheese, it’s jut so good and arson-y!”
“This is the Hazelpage, Kiri!” Flamepaw grins maniacally. “But we prefer to call it the Arson Cult’s Hideout or something like that. And arson cheese is one of the most beautiful things ever!”
“I know Hazy should announce this, but ARSON CHEESE NOW HAS AN IN-BLOG STORE! Find it at https://blogclan.katecary.co.uk/images-10/ !” Dawnpaw yowled to the arson cheese fans at her feet “LET’S GO BUY SOME CHEESE!”
“WOOOOOO ARSON CHEESE!” Spiritpaw cheers. “I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED ITTTTT!”
“HEY THAT’S WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO SAY!”
“Anyways, um, yeah check it out!”
*Clicks a button on my keyboard to stop the Roleplay* Hey you guys, what do you think we should call the Hazelpage apart from The Hazelpage? It should have something to do with arson, arson cheese, and anarchy, the Three Essential A’s.
Just the arson page would be good lol >:D
I call it the Arsonpage
also, you forgot tax evasion, which totally starts with A and should replace arson cheese >:D
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
How dare Dawny saw that- that MONSTEROUS THING
YOU ARE HEREBY EXILED FROM… THE ARSON CHEESE PAGE /lh
ArsonCheesePage for sure
“Arsonarchy Cheese Society!” Scorchmist yells.
*presses button that continues roleplay*
“FOOD FIGHT!” The crowd roars as various burning condiments fly through the air. Still diguised as a hapless waitress, Cherrypaw gets a little cup of burning ketchup and lobs it at the nearest cat, which turned out to be Sunheart.
Sunflight cleared her throat. “Ahem. Does anyone else think that a building filled with arson, tax fraud, tax evasion, pickpocketing, food fights, anarchy, and a few people that are sane and calm is a bit too serene? We need MORE FUN!” She revealed a giant fire-proof-water water slide and began to slide down. “WHEEEE!”
“You know what? I’m gonna join!!” Darkkit yowls. “Not sure how this works, but it certainly looks fun!!!” She then sets her food on fire. “ARSON!!!!”