The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitinglyย and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rusticย carumย bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls,ย three floorsย and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top!ย We’ve returned, freeย from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up yourย HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Hazypaw dramatically dies after realizing that cats don’t have wings.
“Wait a minute,” Flamepaw blinks. “Cats CAN’T fly?? My whole life is a lie now,” she frowns, a single tear trickling down her cheek. “Also I think we need to revive Hazy with arson,” she shrugs.
“You didn’t try to revive me when I died on the previous page!” Dawnpaw tries to shout, but can’t because she is a spirit and spirits sadly can’t talk.
Robi grabs a book out of her bag, flips through it, and sets Dawnpaw on arson cheese lava fire which resurrects her.
Flamepaw ignores the fact that she shouldn’t be able to talk to ghost Dawny. “Technically you melted somehow and wouldn’t arson just make you more melty?” She pulls out a special flamethrower. “But then again, I do have magic arson that could unmelt you I think!”
Hazyaw stares.
Flamepaw stares back, frantically waving her hand.
Hazypaw waves her paw back, wondering what hands are.
โWait, that makes no sense,โShiverpaw mewed, confused. โWhen I was pouring water,โshe panted, dodging blows, โshe already died once. So letโs burn her body to make her live!โShe cheered.
Flamepaw shrugs. “Makes sense to me.”
โClear science.โ Sunheart nodded.
“In the name of science!!”
An unidentified patron drops their tax forms right next to Robin’s flamethrower. It lights up and sets the taxes on fire, committing tax evasion and arson at the same time. She steals the recipe for arson cheese from the bar and begins gathering the ingredients for arson cheese smores.
“DIE TAXES!!!!! DIE IN ARSON GLORY!!!!!!” Flamepaw screeches at the already-burning taxes.
Robi tosses Flamepaw an arsonmallow, chocolate, and a Graham cracker. “Guess what!? I just invented arsonmallows!! Like a marshmallow, but with more chaos!!” She slid the recipe into a fireproof folder and hid it where Flamepaw couldn’t find it.
Flamepaw stares at the arsonmallow. “This is one of the most beautiful arson creations I’ve ever seen.”
“I know, right?!” Robi began roasting her arsonmallow over the fire of burning taxes.
“Oh my gosh my idea is becoming a reality :0,” Hollypaw realizes in shock.
Hazypaw stares from her ghost form.
Sunheartโs jaw drops at the fantastic idea, and she grabs her bills and dunks them in spicy juice *cough cough alcohol cough*. โDear taxes, itโs clear what happens nextโฆโ
“Can you guys resurrect meeeee?” ghost Hazypaw yowled.
“Sameeeeeeeeeee?” Dawnpaw whispers from the side, starting to fade. “Do it before it’s too lateeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Reedpaw bursts onto the scene, yowling โReedough is here to sableday! Reedough is here to sableday!โ
She runs in a dizzying circle, waving her paws in the air wildly, before sitting down and looking around with a confused expression.
Then, after a very loud and rude noise called a burp, her expression cleared. โAh. Too much spicy juice.โ
She looked at spirit Dawnpaw again, who was fading and trying to get her attention. โNEVER FEAR, REEDOUGH IS HERE! CHAAAARGE!โ Reedpaw ran full-tilt at Dawnpaw, yelling loudly, but only succeeded in creating a small waft of air that blew the poor spirit a few inches back.
โAh, thatโs it! I have a good idea,โ she declared. She doused Dawnpaw with an illegal bottle of Dawnpawโs trademark Arson, But Air! Immediately, Dawnpaw was resurrected, and started beating Reedpaw over the head for her use of Arson, But Air!
“YES OF COURSE AND YOU TOO DAWNY!” Flamepaw declares, loudly playing Whopper Whopper. “If that, and some arson, doesn’t work, I don’t know WHAT will.”
“YOU’RE RESURRECTING THE MEME TOO?” Hollypaw shouted in shock.
Flamepaw shrugs. “I mean, Burger King commercials are amazing and by the time your siblings force your dad to play it on a 6-hour car trip for half of that time, you kinda get used to it,” she shrugs again.
“i-“
“Yeah,” Flam shrugs. “I was also sick and had a fever during that car ride and had a really sore throat and my siblings kept screaming but I couldn’t scream at them to be quiet because I could hardly talk, let alone scream.” she smiles, looking very sad. “It was very fun but actually not fun at all.”
โHere, drink thisโฆโ Sunheart subtly passes a bottle to Dawnpaw and Hazypaw. โOnce youโre done, Iโll torch you. Nothing like good old fashion arson resurrection!โ *wink*
Dawnpaw tries to hold the bottle, but it passed through her paw because she is a ghost (AHEM AHEM ๐)
Hazypaw tries to drink it, but like dawny, fails.
“I think I’ve lost my mind,” said Hollypaw, having watched Across the Spiderverse for the eighth time (she had a chart on the wall where she kept track). “Oh well, time to become a multiuniversal threat!”
Blazey walks in. “There’s a Warriors character named Nightwing, and one named Icewing.”
Blazey walks out.
โOf course,โShiverpaw scoffed. โI thought everyone knew,โshe growled, setting the books with Icewing and Nightwing on fire.
As Spreading Expert, Swanki grabs her favorite tank of flammable wood finish and spreads the fire to everybody’s criminal records stating them to be a very dangerous arsonist
Whirlpoolkit walked in and immediately backed out upon seeing the chaos that unfolded
hazypaw smiles whilst commiting arson
*jumps in and trows fire leaves everywhere*
IT’S AUTUMN EVERYBODY!!!
โWHOOOOOO!โ Sunheart screamed, going crosseyed.
I KNNNOOOOWWWWWAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
“What have I missed?” Rosepaw crows, charging into the room. She holds a can labeled ARSON IN A CAN and without another word, she throws it at the wall. It explodes and the room bursts into flames.
…..when I saw this my brain immediately went to Hamilton.
Aoejvmelofhoefcmd I thought it was just me ๐ญ ๐ญ ๐ญ
So what'd I miss?Flam gasps. “Renda, that is beautiful. Well done, my friend,” she smiles as the lyrics to What’d I Miss scream in her head.
“Did you see the new post!?” Dawnpaw yowled, using her gusto-cat powers to fly up to the ceiling. “Embix was basically talking about the Hazelpage! I’m sad to say this, but we need less arson, guys!”
Despite many protests, mostly by Flamo and Hazy, Dawnpaw put down a lot of the fires. Not all of them, but a lot.
“#bemoremindeful!” she yowls, and slowly falls back to the ground. “Remember: Air will always win over arson!”
As she marches out of the tavern to continue putting out fires, a tear slides down her cheek.
(This is supposed to be me enforcing the rules a little too much btw, can make an interesting Hazelpage story)
Wรคฤฏt dรฏd รฟรธรป รงhรฅรฑgฤ รฟรธรปr รฑรคmฤ รฃgรคฤฏรฑ?
nope ๐ It was just because the equinox was yesterday y’know?
Yeah, ็งๅ
P.S. Fรครฑรงรฟ ลรชttรซrล, rฤฏght?
Flamepaw basically sobs in a corner. “YOU TRAITOR DAWNY!” she exclaims. “ARSON WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL OVER AIR OR WHATEVER!” she puts headphones in and just listens to It’s Quiet Uptown on repeat so that she can listen to music to reflect her mood (which is very sad about Dawny’s treachery to arson /lhj).
Hazypaw looks at Dawny like she’s crazy. “I mean, like, What about a small, teensy weensy little more arson? Just wittle?” Hazypaw sais in a cute voice, eyes wide and pleading. “pwease?”
Loonsong commits Tax fraud with an army of worms on a string.
Dawnpaw fights the urge to say, “Oh I saw you while sps hunting, you’re olddddd (no offence)” ๐ Instead, she says, “We’re trying to lower the levels of crimes here… better stick to food fights.” She throws a bag of chips (american) at Loonsong, and starts juggling chips (british).
Mallowpaw warily steps into the Hazelpage after hearing the constant noise coming from inside. He has matches and sticks after listening to what the hubbub was about for a bit.
โHello?โ He asks, confused. โWhy is everything on fire?โ
Loonsong looks up, a crazy glint in her eyes. Frogs surround her. “Arson” she whispers softly, before flying away on a block of moon cheese
โWait!โ Mallowpaw calls, frantic. โI want a piece of that cheese!โ But Loonsong is already far away.
Whirlpoolkit yeeted a bucket of oil on fire at the wall, while saying: “Whelp, welcome to the arson page!”
Dodging the flaming oil and leaping for a scorched table, Mallowpaw nods, horrified. โI can see that.โ
“BECAUSE FIRE IS BEAUTIFUL!” Flamepaw exclaims. “IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND ARSON AND WE ALL LOVE ARSON!!!!!” she says happily.
Shiv winced. โTone that down a bit, will you?โshe hissed, drinking from her arson water fountain. Hazypaw tries to also drink but is blocked by a force๐. โWhoops!โShiv yelled. โIโll add you right away!โ