The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
FREE CRAYONS FOR EVERYONE ALSO CATNIP CUPCAKE WRAPPERS
Edit: why do I keep causing page flips T-T I have cause like three today ;-;
‘CRAYONS!’ Nettlepaw says, taking most of them.
here are 300000000 crayons nettlepaw :3
“Ooh, yum!” Leafpaw
stealspermanently borrows all of the catnip cupcake wrappers and uses her amazing ✨crafting table✨ and starts combining them with seemingly random stuff to make… EVEN MORE CATNIP!!“CATNIP SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE NOW!” she says in a deep voice out of nowhere.
“CRAYONSSSS” Harpy Wynn yells as she grabs the crayons midair and munches on them.
:O CATMINT!! *steals the catnip cupcake wrappers* And I’ll take some crayons too!!
here you gooo
“GRILLED burnt sienna for everyone!” Flamilton yells, snatching all of the grilled burnt sienna crayons.
“CRAYONSSSSSSS” Darkfern yowled. “YAYYYYYYYYYYY”
Harpy Wynn takes a sip of a forest green matcha-flavored crayon frapucchino with catnip cream, slowly watching the tavern erupt into chaos as catnips and crayons are thrown into the air.
Snowbreeze points at Wynn from across the room. “I’m drinking matcha right now, too! Though crayon matcha is WAY better.”
fr
:O Can I steal- I mean BORROW some of that catnip cream?? *scoops some out with a spoon and eats it*
yes here you goo you get free crayons tooooo also some catnip
Leafpaw sets up another stall, with a sign that says ‘Join my group for free catnip and crayons!’
“EVERYONE!” Leafpaw yowls. “IF YOU WANT FREE CATNIP, COME JOIN
MY ARMYA FUN GROUP! FREE CATNIP AND CRAYONS!!” She eats some catnip as she waits forvictimspeople to come.CRAYONS SHALL RULE THE HAZEL PAGE HEHEHEHEHE (me not trying to start war with catnip and crayons)
GIMME CATNIP AND CRAYONZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!
I only have crayons that i did not steal ummmmm here you go you saw nothing Fallowpaw
YASSSSSS, CRAYONZZZZ RULEZZZZZZZ
yasssssssssssssssssss crayons rule hehehehe time to start a war
“hello my good… cat. A fun group? Very… fun.” Ammie appears in front of Leafpaw. ” I would like to join, yes.”
“Welcome!” Leafpaw says warmly, pulling out a comfy armchair that totally isn’t a brainwashing machine. “Sit down, I’ll give you the catnip/crayons and tell you about this group!” She has rope in her mouth, just in case Amberpaw needs to be tied to the wonderful chair.
“okay!” Amberpaw happily sits in the chair. “Wait, why do you have a rope?”
“No reason!” Leafpaw says calmy while tying Amberpaw to the chair. “Just making sure that you don’t steal all my catnip and become a loyal soldier in my army!”
“Y’know, I actually did think of stealing all of your catmint. Smart. Also, I can’t move.” Ammie stares at the rope. “I’m preeeettty sure I’m going to go immobile soon.”
Leafpaw turns on the brainwashing machine, making Amberpaw obsessed with catnip so much that she would become a loyal soldier of her army. “MWAHAHA! CATNIP SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE!” she yowls to no one in particular
OMG where did you come from here are some crayons
Flamilton appears from the shadows. “I’m sorry, are you trying to outdo the might of the H’s?” she smiles evilly. “Because you will never defeat our mighty alliance!” they cackle as she fades back into the shadows, eyes glowing for dramatic spooky effect.
“No, of course not! As long as if you bow down to catnip, that is.” Leafpaw starts dragging her 8213193718371293937398 piles of catnip and burying everyone in it
Flamilton, emerging from the shadows yet again, is very offended by this. “We will never! You’ll be back, soon you’ll see!” they huff, fading into the shadows once again.
Leafpaw takes her catnip and fills all of the shadows on the Hazelpage with them, there are now no more shadows to hide in!
Flamilton shakes her head. “There are ALWAYS spooky shadows to hide from,” they grin, stepping out from the CATNIP-FREE shadows with a “HAZBINTON >>>>>>> CATNIP” sign in red marker.
(And yes, I have invented a new name for the Triple-H Empire muahaha >:D)
Leafpaw dumps catnip all over Flamilton. “Well, that’s one less!”
“CATNIP & CRAYONS? IM IN!!!!!” Darkfern rushes towards the stall.
“Hello fellow catnip lover!” Leafpaw quickly brings Darkfern to the brainwashing machine. “Take a seat, and I’ll tell you about the army! Here’s a 1,000 page contract for you to sign!”
“SURE!!!!!!” Darkfern signs the contract messily with catmint-smelling ink.
“You all believed I never come on this page. Well, you’re WRONG!” Squirtpaw yells, standing up on a stage that ✨magically✨ appeared. “I just have a very invisible role here on the Hazelpage, because I need to stalk my
victimscrayon munchers with my amazing squirt gun, the Squirtlegunbreeze5000. Would anyone care to purchase one?” Squirt holds up the legendary squirt gun for everyone to see. “Strong enough to spray others enough so that they drop crayons, catnip, and cupcake wrappers! Buy yours today!”“Can I take all of them?” Leafpaw asks, holding
a hostagea bunch of catnip. “Do you accept catnip? How much would you like? I promise that these will definitely not be used to start a war!”“As long as they’re totally not used for war” (Squirtpaw winks approvingly as she says this) “then I suppose I’ll accept catnip as currency. At least five tires of it, please!”
“Here you go!” Leafpaw gives Squirtpaw five mini catnip tires and runs away. “I’M NOT DOING ANY REFUNDS!!” she yowls as she runs back to her closet and totally doesn’t start plotting how to start a war
“No!” Cried Roxy, devestated. Once again, Leafy had beat her to the goods, first the cheese books and now the Squirt guns, 😛
She vowed to be more speedy, like Piney the speedy dodo.
take lessons from me they’re free.99
Yess! 🤩 I’ll go zoooooom
edit: Wait.. 🤔 $free.99=
0.99… 🤔🤔🤔
I’ll pay you in crayons!
Hehe yes! Crayons! 🖍️
I need like 200 bc I am not trying to start a war between crayons and catnip here are 100000000000000000 crayons from the hazelpage that is did not steal from mushroompaw
“You’re in luck, I have a special deal! 200 for 18 cyan-crayon flavored cupcake wrappers! Shall we do it?”
yes lets do it here are the 18 crayons that are cyan squirtpaw :3
“MEMEMEMEMEME!!!” Flamilton yells, waving their hand rapidly. “PLEEEEEASEEE? I pay in Hamilton merch, ramblings about fandoms, crayons, and the Columbian peso! :DD”
Ok, we get it, you like memes!” Vixenpaw screeches
“I’ll accept any Hamilton merch at all!” Alasquirt shouts back, pumping a Squirtlegun in their sacred arms. “If you include any TJ merch as well, I’ll offer a special deal…”
“A special deal?” Flamilton’s eyes sparkle at Squirtington’s offer. She pulls out a TJ coat in the iconic
eyebleeding /jmagenta. “And there’s more where that came from.”“More you say?” Alasquirt’s eyes widen as they stare at the coat. “Do you also have his iconic little cane? That and the coat and I’ll give you my latest creation yet…” They drop their voice to a whisper. “A new-and-improved t-shirt gun merged with the latest Squirtlegunbreeze6000. That’s right, an upgrade from the 5000. Put your liquid in, then apply whatever t-shirt you want on top. The t-shirt will instantly land on your target and deploy the liquid! They’ll never see it coming!”
Hello puny mortals*le gasp* Wha–?
wha- you say me not a mortal
Hello cheese-based mortalHow dare you assume I’m mortal >:(((EDIT: not me misspelling mortal
Fixed now lol 😛 )
“I’m not mortal. I’m Asexual. GET IT RIGHT.” Foam scoffed. /j
“I love that so much,” Flamilton sobs. “US ACES ARE MIGHTIER THAN GODS!”
“Wait, I’m aroace, what does that mean?” Leafpaw asks, confused. She brings more catnip and throws it at Foam and Flamilton. “Oh well, catnip is stronger than everything!”
More mushroom crayons! Only 5 left!
“OMG! MEMEMMEME!” Screeched Roxy at the top of her lungs.
Fallowpaw snatches one without paying. Again.
Firepaw grabs the 4 crayons without paying and runs off into the chaos of the hazelpage
‘Hey, Firepaw!’, Fallowpaw yells. ‘Do you want to be a stealing duo with me? I like stealing too!’
“Ooh, can I join?” Leafpaw asks, appearing out of the mysterious shadows of catnip. “I am an expert at stealing!”
‘Cool! Then we’re the stealing club!’
Sure I say as I also grab Leafpaw and take her to my base and say we are going to take all of the cat-nip and crayons on the hazelpage
“Hey!” Leafpaw growled. “Only I’m allowed to drag people!”
Nuh huh i can drag people too
“NO YOU CAN’T!” Leafpaw screeches as she drags Firepaw to a pile of catnip and leaves him there
Firepaw grabs Leafpaw and yeets her into the cat-nip pile
Leafpaw throws catnip at Firepaw
‘I would love to join!’ Nettlepaw cackled.
ok i grab nettlepaw and take nettlepaw to my base where Fallowpaw, Leafpaw, Nettlepaw, and I start plotting are next crayon stealing
That she is…
Firepaw turns around and grabs Fallowpaw and takes Fallowpaw to his flame base “Fallowpaw lets steal all the crayons on the hazelpage heh heh hee”
Yezzzzzzz, let’s steal all crayonzzzz, also, Nettlepaw, if you want to join the stealing club you need to prove yourself first, I want 100 crayons from you and then you are super welcome to join!!!!
ooh, imma join, theft is my middle name >:3
Cool, Ferny Potato! (Can I call you Ferny Potato?)
ofc! potato is ALSO my middle name >:3
‘Ok!’ *gives Fallowpaw crayons – she doesn’t mind cause they will steal way more*
y’all halp
I say gray, I say color, I say honor… yet I say humour….
Koi throws pancakes and waffles all over the place :3 bc we need another pancake/waffle war *and* we need a catnip/crayon war
“I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE PANCAKES OR WAFFLES BETTER!!!” Koipaw screeches while listening to rock with huge speakers.
“Hmm, that first sentence reminds me of something,” Snowbreeze thinks to herself. She starts singing: “You say gray, and I say gray! You say color, and I say color! Gray, gray, color, color, there’s nothing to be called offfff! I say honor and you say honor! I say humor and you say – wait a minute – humour?!” Now off-beat, she sings, “Honor, honor, humor, humour, let’s call the whole thing off?”
After that performance, she makes a sandwich out of two waffles and a pancake in the middle.
Leafpaw gasps, watching Snowy intensly as she makes her sandwich. “THERE IS NO CATNIPPPP!” Leafpaw yowls. She immediately starts grabbing piles of catnip and dumping it on Snowy’s sandwich
“Ooh, thanks for the catnip! Glad you caught that in time!” Snowy then proceeds to take a huge bite.
“You’re welcome, dear Snowy” Leafpaw starts dragging Snowbreeze to her brainwashing machine. “Now, would you like to join my wonderful catnip army?”
*eats the waffle sandwich and becomes a little dizzy*
ah, i feel sooo good.e wgaeslkjgilasglkhshkdad
But just before Snowy’s teeth reach the sandwich, Fallowpaw snatches it! ‘Nomnomnom’, she says loudly while sharing the delicious sandwich with the rest of the stealing club, including Firepaw, Leafpaw, Nettlepaw and Ferny Potato!
i love this comment :p
Koi nods. “At least Fizzy Spirite, Silver Spirit, and Heterochromia won’t kill me for that.”
“I totally understood all those words,” Snowbreeze said, unfortunately totally not understanding all of those words. /lh
Koi nods again.
“Yes, my secret names for my spy organization as of now. Our group consists of a ton of cats and maybe or maybe not one dodo who barely appears. But no one can know our base unless they join…” Koi looks very innocent (SHE IS NOT :0)
“Hmm . . . ” Snowbreeze furrows her brow. “I like secrets. Perhaps . . . I could join?” She does not break eye contact with Koi, thinking she looks cool but actually looking like a goldfish.
Koi nods for like the twentieth time. “You are now agent Shoes, and you can ask Osp or Map to add you to our Clan of googol chaos. It’s a chat,” Koi says mysteriously with code words but in reality very easy to solve.
ME TOO, I LOVE BOTH!!!!!!
Oh my… what did I walk into? 😛 Not another war!! 🥞🧇
“Two wars at a time?” Leafpaw gasps, grabbing her catnip and Squirtlegunbreeze5000s. “This is gonna be fun!” she cackles, spraying catnip everywhere.
Roxy dodges the catnip and hides behind a tattered couch.
“Gimme a Squirtlegun! I’ll give you.. uh… leaves!”
Leafpaw quickly hides with Rosepaw behind the couch and starts reloading. “Of course! Only if you join my army, that is.” She hands Rosepaw a 1,000 page contract to sign.
(Are opposite-of-mortals actually interested in my products?! :00 )
“PANCAKES ARE BETTER THEN WAFFLES!!!” Fernpaw screeches, hurling herself into a pile of pancakes.
“BUT WAFFLE ARE GOOD TOO!”
OMG you’re using my drawing for your pfp Koi, thank youuuuu!!!!
“How DARE you?” Leafpaw screeches, dragging yet another 2312937891273928 piles of catnip. “CATNIP IS SUPERIOR TO BOTH WAFFLES AND PANCAKES! But waffles are better”
YES THE PICTURE IS SO CUTE >:3 I HAD TO
Koi jumps into the pile of pancakes
“PANCAKES ARE BETTER!” Foampaw yelled out a reply.
‘Crayons shall rule the Hazelpage!’ Nettlepaw cackles evilly. ‘Join my army or I will use propaganda to my advantage!’
She starts building a massive crayon fort with 14736289 rooms in total, including massive ones with swimming pools for her followers.
“CATNIP SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE!” Leafpaw yowls, destroying the crayons fort and grabbing brainwashing machines for her army.
Firepaw grabs leafpaw and destorys the cat-nip tires
Koi goes inside the crayon fort. “I run from catnip, I run from stuff that rhymes with catnip, but I saw something on Google about catnip, so I won’t be able to resist if I’m attacked by catnip, but TIS OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY” she sings.
No not propaganda! :O
Okay fine, here, have my crayons! 🖍️🖍️🖍️ 😛
Hey, Nettles, I am team crayons! I will help you build the crayon fort!
“Sorry, but monopoly over this page goes to the H’s!” Flamilton yells from the Triple-H Fortress. “Like I always say, the opposing sides are just losers! Fossils! But I don’t mean to sound hostile,” she grins, skipping merrily back inside the fortress.
“CATNIP SHALL NEVER BE DEFEATED!” Leafpaw yowls from the catnip fortress she made in 0.000000001 seconds. She starts throwing her infinite amounts of catnip everywhere.
Koi gasps, falling over as the force of the reference hits her. “AAHAHAHAHHAAAAAGGHH MY SOUL!! I… SEE… THE LIGHT….”
They sit up. “Oh, it was just the Hazelpage light. Nevermind.”
“TEAM CATNIP!!!” Fernpaw yowls as she throws piles of catnip in the air and destroys crayson by stamping on them “whoopsie” she mewed as she looked down at the crushed crayons. “they were actually pretty delicious, although they don’t measure up to catnip”
“WAIT FOR ME!” shrieks Alasquirt. “I’m part of the Triple-H Supremacy, remember?!” They wildly flip out a fake badge with a
horriblyexpertly drawn Squirtle on it. “Let me in the fortress, please!”“Why of course, friend!” Flamilton grins, opening the drawbridge to the fortress, filled with Hamilton and Hazbin memorabilia and merch.
Alasquirt gawks as they walk into the magnificent, magictastical, backflipping fortress. “Amazing!” They shout to Flam. Their eyes suddenly land on something. “Is that… is that more TJ merchandise I see?”
Koi cackles evilly as they view the chaos around them. “MWAHAHA, I HAVE CAUSED TWO WARS AT ONCE!! NOW TO GRAB MY WATER CANNONS AND FLOOD THE HAZELPAGE!”
She drags up cannons and grabs a match. She lights them up. “FIREWORKS!!!” Water explodes from the cannons and the Hazelpage consequentially floods. They grab their pool noodles and leap in, swimming fiercely to the fort that Vixenpaw made a few wars ago.
Koi looks up to the sparkling water above, wondering who’s going to end up flipping the page
Alasquirt smirks. “You want some real water weapons? Come buy a Squirtlegunbreeze5000!” They pull out one of the magnificent water blasters/guns from that place cartoon characters have behind their backs. “Name your currency and I’ll name my price!”
“I thought I bought them all?” Leafpaw hands Alasquirt 123221398 piles of catnip. “This better be all of them, or else I’m using them on you!”
“Oh, um, yeah, you did buy all of them… but I never stop making them.” Alasquirt shrugs then grins mischievously. “And I may or may not have armed myself with ✨magical✨ armor made from the real Squirtle’s shell!” They grab their own Squirtlegunbreeze5000. “Come and get me,” they dared with a laugh.
Leafpaw starts assembling catnip armor, and it ✨magically✨ turned into super duper strong armor. “YEAAA LET’S FIGHTT” she yowls as she starts spraying catnip everywehre
“You’re asking for it, missy!” They cackle with laughter as they shoot toxic orange juice that temporarily melts fur.
“CATNIP SHALL DESTROY!” Leafpaw yowls as her catnip armor melts the orange juice. She fires ✨magical✨ catnip that will turn Alasquirt into a loyal member of her army.
“PANCAKES,CATNIP, PAGE FLIPPPPPP!!!!!!!!”
Fernpaw yowled from on top of a pancake-with-catnip-in-it tower, then sat stupefied and utterly disappointed that she was unable to flip the page
Alasquirt shakes their head knowingly. “Catnip will never flip the page without crayons.” They grab their exclusive Squirtlegunbreeze5000 and aim right at Misty, just for fun.
“Misty is immune to water! after all, she is MISTY!!!!!” Fernpaw cackles, then shoots her Kittynip 3000 gun at Squirt.
They cackle louder as the 🍪kittynip🍪 hits their chest but deflects in the opposite direction. “Ha! You become a water weapon dealer without arming yourself first! And these babies shoot more than just water!” Alasquirt empties the Squirtlegunbreeze5000 and refills it with… apple juice and gasoline. “Prepare to be annihilated!” They yowl with cackling laughter as they shoot.
“Oh no you don’t!” Leafpaw yowls as she quickly aims for Alasquirt. “TEAM CATNIP ALL THE WAY!!”
“NOOOO!” Alasquirt screams as they get hit right below their armor and falls backwards into some magical water that magically appeared. “Help! I can’t swim when I’m washed with the feeling of defeat!” They wail, flailing around in the water.
Leafpaw glances at Alasquirt before happily bouncing away. “Well, I never learned how to swim so BYE BYE!”
“APPLE JUICEEE!!!!!!!!!!”
FREE CRAYONS AND CATNIP FOR EVERYONE!
“FREE CRAYONS?!” Snowbreeze yelps, immediately taking thirty. After that, she chews on a purple one, her favorite, and then grabs as much catnip as she can carry.
Alasquirt gawks. “C-C-CRRRRRAAAAAYYYOOOONNSSS?! FREE?!?!” They instantly grab every cyan crayon there is and runs off. “Thanksssss!” They shout as they sprint away.
“OH COOL, I CAN THROW MORE CATNIP AT PEOPLE!” Leafpaw grabs all of the available catnip and starts throwing it at random mortals
Rendi Gurl joins in throwing catnip at people :DD
Leafpaw sees Renda throwing catnip and quickly bounces towards her. “Would you like to join my catnip army?” she asks, holding out her 1,000 page contract. “All you have to do is sign this to show your undying loyalty!”
Foampaw crawls out of her ice-cream-igloo, realizing that there has been an extreme lack of Hazbin Hotel references in the Hazelpage. she quickly sets up a stand. “GET YOUR JAMBALAYA HERE! ONLY 10 CRYSTALS OF ANY SORT!”
Alasquirt runs up to the stand, praying to be the first one. “Do you accept waffle-based crystals? I also have catnip-based, pancake-based, and crayon-based! Edible and valuable!”
“JAMBALAYA!” Flamilton gasps. “Now, while I’ve never had it myself, it’s basically my favoritest word ever. Well, that, and magictastical, of course,” Flamilton grins. “It’s just… Well, magictastical!”
“Magictastical, and backflipping!” Alasquirt Squirtington winks at the reference.
Flamilton nods solemnly. “And rubber ducks!”
Robo pulls out 10 crystals. “One, please!”
“ooh! I have some BEAUTIFUL crystals! (painted rocks)”
When everyone is distracted, Fallowpaw makes a bomb out of crayons she put in a blender and throws it at team catnip!
As Leafpaw notices the crayon bomb, she quickly makes her own and starts firing. “TEAM CATNIP SHALL NEVER BE DEFEATED!” she yowled as the catnip covered the entire crayon fortress