The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
hello! *tries to figure out what’s happening but fails*
oh well, tomatoes here we go! *flings tomatoes around*🍅🍅🍅😄
“Ew, I hate tomatoes.” Foampaw remarks as a fleshy red fruit flies past his face. “Yellow green crayons have much better taste.”
Pumpkinpaw flings catnip at Firepaw 😛
“Well, hello!” Lionpaw mews cheerfully. “I’m Lionpaw! Can I give you a tour of the best side in the war’s Triple H tower?” she offers. “Only, you have to promise you’ll fight for us when we need it.” her voice takes an ominous turn.
Flamilton casually disappears into the shadows. They aren’t a fan of tomatoes.
Caine grabs a tomato out of the air “I must give this to Shadekit! he LOVES tomatos!”
Ammie sips her new cup of hot chocolate while everything burns from the evil sun outside. “I wonder when there’ll be a page flip,” they say, oblivious to the fact that Koi already tried to scream at the page to flip, with no success.
( Imagine there’s a page flip after I write this 😛 )
“SHE HAS MAGICAL POWERS!” Foampaw exclaims. “They need to be put in a secret lab at once for their abilities!”
Koi gasps. “How dare you question my page-flipping powers?!” they shout, pointing to Amber. “I’ve done it twice before, in fact. Just did the wrong cult thingy that time.” She examines her claws. (:p)
Creamos trows the bomb, but it doesn’t come off. “GOOD THING I HAVE AN UNGLUINATIOR” she applies some and throws the bomb to the H’s side.
“DESTRUCTION!!” She notes down the date this happened “May 16 2024, bomb was thrown and probably destroyed the whole blog”
“OHH IT’S ON.” Foampaw screams, throwing water balloons with water and glitter towards Caine. “GOOD LUCK GETTING THAT OUT! YOU’RE GONNA BE COVERED IN SPARKLES FOR WEEKS!!” He cackles evilly.
“I’m shineyy!!” Says Caine
(Shiny
Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
Scrub the deck and make it look
Shiny
I will sparkle like a wealthy woman’s neck
Just a sec)
(And no I tooootalllyyyy didn’t copy-paste from Google…)
Noooooooooooo😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Rubble rains down on Blazey’s face and coats it in a fine layer of dust.
“Well. That’s inconvenient.”
“YASSS GO CREAMOSS!” Pumpkinpaw cheers as the bomb blows up. “DESTROY THE WHOLE BLOG, CATNIP SHALL NOT ONLY RULE THE HAZELPAGE, BUT EVERY PAGE ON THE BLOG! INCLUDING SECRET PAGESS!!!” She starts cackling manically and throws destructive catnip everywhere.
Koi squeals in mock fear. “Nooo, my precious guinea pig page! My koi page! My SPS page!!”
“Sorry to disappoint, but the H’s aren’t dead, only ending this program!” (/ref) Flamilton grins, aiming the Hs’ large array of canons at the TADC peasants. /lh
Tries to sneak out but gets bombarded by catnip, ” Someone help me! “
Pumpkinpaw magically appears beside Silky in an instant and starts advertising. “Come join the catnip army and you won’t get bombarded by catnip! Instead, you get to throw catnip at other people, and watch as everything burns and catnip rules the Hazelpage.” She smiles, knowing that Silky has to join when they her next offer. Her voice lowers to a whisper, and says,” We even have free cookies! They prevent stress, and are guarenteed to give you 100% on all of your assignments and scores! No studying or stress involved!” She holds out the cookies and the contract, waiting for Silky to sign.
*casually attempts to brainwash her fellow silverpaw into joining the catnip army* “we have cookiessssss!!! They’re so good!” Silvs mews while munching on catnip cookies.
“join the catnip army… or… I will bombard you with catnip >:)))))”
Koi drags Silky into her hideout. “You’re safe here!! It’s catnip proof and catnipjuice proof! This is my no-side-I-honestly-just-observe-and-basically-explode-whenever-I-feel-like-it side! You should join! Orrr just join the chaos out there. But…” Koi blinks ominously (somehow), “… now that you’ve entered the Hazelpage, there’s no leaving.” The chaos of the cats outside intensifies…. and then it’s back to normal.
Koi grabs a bag of Bandoritos and a Clancymeal. “Just chill here I guess!”
Pumpkinpaw throws mini destructive catnip everywhere, causing tiny explosions and people to focus their attention towards her as a building causually collapses on a Triple-H member. “EVERYONE!” Pumpkinpaw yowls. “LOOK AT THE PAGE NUMBER! IT IS PAGE 200!!!”
An awkward silence happens while everyone waits on her to continue.
“Yeah… that’s all I have to say.” She throws giant destructive catnip everywhere as her plans to take over the whole blog resume.
“Can anyone help me? ” Silky yells through a pile of catnip she is buried under, ” If you help me I’ll join your side! “
LIGHTAYETTE yells out “STAYED GONE!” and all the catnip above silky gusts away.
“Welcome to the triple H’s, Silkip! (Philip)
Pumpkinpaw gasps and starts looking through her unmodded comments. “WELL, I ACTUALLY HELPED SILKY FIRST!” She yowls as she shows them her unmodded comment. “Mine was made at 5:03 AM on May 18th, while Lightayette’s was made at 5:51 AM! I helped you first, now would you like to join us?”
(mods please mod that unmodded comment, i must get silky on the catnip side >:))
Umm.. why don’t you just do rock paper scissors…or something less violent?
“Well Light’s got modded first. So there!” Lionpaw sticks her tongue out at pumpkinpaw.
Well those cookies do sound good…and I have exams this week… alright I’ll flip a coin! The coin says… I’m going to join the catnip side!
“yasssss! Welcome to the catnip army, silky!!!” Silvs gave silky a big pile of catnip that she had in her backpack.
Lionpaw rushes to rip the catnip up, and help Silverpaw. She offers a paw. “Join the Triple H,” she mews mysteriously.
* sneaks away while the two are fighting* “ Well I’ll just sneak away now…”
Koi casually appears beside Silky. “Quite the best option, if I do say so myself. Just… stay away from them all. They’re insane, I say! (/lh /lhj /j)”
Alasquirt stares through a small rip in the potato sack they are still trapped in, before scoffing quietly and crawling away. “Hehe… victory for the H’s, here we come!” They mutter maliciously, slipping into the shadows to return to the Triple-H Tower.
Pumpkinpaw drags an unbreakable sack over Alasquirt. “OH NO YOU DON’T!” She yowls as she drags them back to the catnip base. “CATNIP SHALL WIN THIS WAR AND TAKE OVER THE HAZELPAGE!” She then sets up a barrier of destructive catnip, so that if Alasquirt even tried to move, the catnip would blow up.
Lionpaw noms all the catnip, and seemingly fireworks start exploding in her stomach as she flies all over the Hazelpage. “Jack, I’m FLYING!” Lionpaw screeches. She crash-lands on the ground and drags the sack off of Alasquirt. “I’ll hold her off!” she mews.
Alasquirt stays quiet and still, spacing out and hoping their fellow H soldiers will come to rescue them…
Lightayette’s tentacles fumble with the catnip bomb, he didn’t want want to get exploded in sharp catnip, he just got his suit tailored after an inconvenient snake incident! (/ref), eventually he gets the grasp on the bomb and throws it
“Take that, catnip freaks!!” /lhj
“WH-WHATTA ‘BOUT THE CATNIPJUICE SIDE OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ‘The United Nation of CatnipJuice’? We have free cheese!! And snacks and drinks! And a fair and happy nation! And amenities! And we have our patented CATNIPJUICE 1-TON CANNONS™️, who, can launch 1-ton bottles of catnip juice onto enemies!” MelodyPaw shouts, a grin on her face.
“Triple H for life!!” LIGHTAYETTE yells, proceeding to shape all the tentacles into stickmen and perform the distraction dance for no apparent reason.
Rosekit suddenly gets a bottle of catnip juice dumped on her and nearly drowns, but Fallowpaw helps her get out. Then Rosekit launches an attack on the catnipjuice side.
“HOW COULD YOU?” Pumpkinpaw gasps. She starts throwing destructive catnip at Lightayette. “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?”
(Wait a second… 😛)
“Whoops. I didn’t mean to nearly kill you, RoseKit…how bout’a alliance?? Join my side and we give you an extra pass to our ‘Amazing Arcade’!! It even has the rare ‘Dark Forest Battle Sim’ game!!” MelodyPaw says, shaking Rosekit’s paw.
Don’t do it, Rosekit! We can’t trust those catnipjuice ppl!
“Hmm…” Rosekit says, looking from Melodypaw to Fallowpaw and back again…finally she says, “Your offer is nice, but I’ll pass.” Then she puts on cool glasses that are three cabelleros themed and strolls away, while holding up a large sign that says, “Watch Legend Of The Three Cabelleros now!”
*is dancing to Digital Hallisination as this happens”
Fernmist casually walks in after being inactive on this page for a while
*Ahem* purdy and berrynose imitation
“why hello young’uns, i’m so much better than you guys because I’m a warrior /j
anyways, what’s up? I’m still on the Star Wars side, although i’m a warrior… I hope 😛
free ice cream! 🍨🍦🍨” *flings ice cream all over the place*
Nom, nom, nom…
*neatly catches a scoop of catnip ice cream in her mouth* yummy!
*Eats ice cream*
“now that the blog is ashes, should we rebuild it to a war area?”meows Creamos as she dabs on a pile of ashes
“why not?” Fernmist says, throwing piles of ashes then coughing.
yessss
“Sure!” Pumpkinpaw proceeds to bundle up the ashes and catnip and throws them at people.
Foampaw runs out of her ice-cream igloo, holding battle plans in her jaws. “I know the TADC army’s weakness!!” She whispers to the closest triple H soldiers nearby. “YouTube Kids!!”
*Faints*
Icemeadow returns to the Hazelpage after taking an awesome IRL vacation for a week (and forgetting to tell the Blog about it.) He’s become quite accustomed to the regular chaos, although he is still surprised that the great war is still waging. He summons a cookie (magically) and begins eating it. He catches some of Fernmist’s ice cream, but doesn’t eat it because it’s not vanilla and throws it directly at the moon, however the immense awesomeness of the ice cream completely shifts the Moon’s gravity, causing it to rapidly fall directly onto the hazelpage. “Oh, dear..” he mutters, and then begins to shout “everyone! I know we have our differences, but I just accidentally pulled the moon towards us, and now we all need to work together to save Blogclan, like when the Warrior clans worked together to fight against the Dark Forest! We need a temporary alliance!”
Flamilton stares blankly at Icy. “I’m sure we can do that!” Flamilton says skeptically. Confirming her suspicions, half the Hazelpage stops mid-warfare and stares dumbfoundedly at Flamilton. So naturally, they smile widely and, quoting Alastor, say quietly, “Maybe.” Then, after being hit in the face by a tomato from the TADC side, they whip around, grinning maniacally, and yell, “NEVERMIND!”
“Nah, we don’t need an alliance!” Pumpkinpaw simply grabs a bunch of gravity-changing catnip and throws it at the moon. It goes back to its normal spot, before going further and further away then it should. “Oh well, at least it’s not coming towards us! It’s some other planet’s problem now”
*yeets icy into the moon which has crashed into the hazelpage with a catnip rocket and blasts icy and the moon back into space where the moon belongs* problem solved! /j
Icemeadow, who is now stuck on the moon, sees an investment opportunity, and begins harvesting the moon’s cheese. After spending 15 consecutive hours, he has collected 72 tons of moon cheese. Pocketing it, he wonders how he will return to the ground to sell all of this cheese. He jumps off the side of the moon, weighed by the cheese, and, defying all laws of psychics, falls to the ground. “WHO WANTS TO BUY SOME PREMIUM MOON CHEESE?” He shouts, building a stand to sell his cheese. “Only two copper pieces per atom!”
“72 tons of moon cheese per 15 hours… 15/15 is 1…. 72/15 is 4.8… so you make 4.8 pounds of cheese per hour?”
Koi grins at their awesome mathness.
“AHHH WE’RE GONNA DIE” Screams Caine but then looks at all the side “we shall work together to save the blog” but sees it gets fix “Never mind… BACK TO WARRRR!!”
Sorrelpaw sneaks back onto the Hazelpage, hoping desperately that no one has started an ice cream side of the war.
(Nothing suspicious here 😬😅)
*Acornpaw stares blankly around the Hazelpage* “Ohh, Moon cheese! And it’s Premium! I’ll take some of that pleas!” *She pulls out six copper pieces and hands them to Icy, oblivious of the fact he just fell from the moon.*
“Hello chat! want to join the tadc side?” Caine randomly says “Free cookies?” she also offers
Koi sobs. “Creamos!! How could you do this to me!! You speak 2024 now?!” Koi goes to sob in a corner (/j /lh :p)
“ oh. Great. The moon. Well, better start preparing some CHEESE WITH DELICIOUS MOON DUST SEASONING!” MelodyPaw runs , putting up a stand that says ‘get MelodyPaw’s Marvelous Moon Dusted Cheese! Only 1 copper piece per hunk!’ In 000000000000000.1 sec.