45 comments

  • Hey Rainy!
    Can I claim this page?
    (if you don’t reply in a week I’m just going to claim it)
    🙂

  • Prologue

    Flower looked down at her three kits. They were so tiny, so perfect. She looked at her mate, Moss. “I will raise them to be the best cats they can be,” she promised. “That won’t be hard. Snow, Blossom, and Fern are already perfect.” Moss responded. Flower’s mother, Pine, padded over. “You’ll have your hands full there! Three kits are a handful!”she meowed. Just then, Oak scampered over curiously. “Did I look like that when I was born?” he asked. “Yes you did” Flower responded. “Oak! Get over here! You should be asleep!” Yowled his mother. Flower laughed. “Come on Ivy let him meet them!” turning her attention to Oak, she said “Be very careful, I don’t want you to hurt them” Oak nodded. “Ok” he said. Suddenly, Shadow came crashing in the den. “WindClan!” He cried. “They’re coming!” Flower rushed to hide the kits in her nest. Just as she finished, WindClan came. Flower fought hard, and kept one eye on her kits while doing it. But WindClan was too strong. Flower and the others all knew they would have to leave soon. But suddenly, Crowstar called a retreat. “Enough! He said. They get the point! They will leave.” But some of the warriors ignored their leader and kept fighting. Flower and the others were about to drive them away, when disaster struck. Fern came crawling out of the nest, confused and wailing. No one else noticed her. They all thought she was in her nest. She padded over to the spot where Flower was fighting another cat. Just as the cat scratched at Flower, Fern got in the way, and took the blow instead. Because of the way it was aimed, it got her right in her throat. “Fern!” Flower cried out. The warrior backed away in horror, looking at what he had done. As she looked down, another cat, not releasing what had happened, attacked Flower. She never stood a chance.

    *************************
    “I told Crowstar we shouldn’t have done this! He was being greedy, and now two kits are orphaned and one was killed!” Hawkflower snarled. “No one needed to fight this battle!” her tone softened. “The poor kits they have no mother now.” “Yes, about that,” Lightdapple said, interrupting her rant. “The kits need a mother. Crowstar asked if you could take care of them” “ever since Lilykit and Stormkit…” he broke off. The clan was still mourning for Lillykit and Stormkit, Hawkflowers kits, both of whom had been born dead. “Of course I will,” Hawkflower responded. “I still have milk, and the poor kits do need a mother. Bring them in.”

    Please tell me if there is anything you want excluded, and I will rewrite it.

    • That is so awesome!!!!!!
      I have some ideas for a prologue too that I think would blend well.
      I really like how Crowstar was being greedy, it makes him look worse than I thought he would be and I like it!

  • *Warning: intense battle scenes
    Prologue

    A pale brown tabby she-cat crept along the shadow of an old barn. A strong scent of smoke hit her nose, wrinkling her nose in disgust, she slipped into the crumbling building.
    Why does Crowstar care about this place so much?! , she thought back to the order she received from her leader.
    “Applebreeze, go spy on those terrible rogues’ barn so we know what to do when we attack them!”, she mimicked her leader’s demanding tone.
    Then she remembered the rogues that killed his mate and Stormfang’s sister.
    I shouldn’t be so selfish, she thought.
    With a new purpose she continued on. Suddenly she heard the rogues. Backing up, she perked up her ears to listen to their conversation.
    What’s this?, she thought, I thought we were fighting rogues, not kits!
    There were five cats around a nest. Three she-kits that looked to be around, a queen, and a fully grown tom cat. The adult she-cat curled her long furred auburn pelt around the three kits. Then she lifted her head and began talking to the tom.
    Probably her mate, thought Applebreeze.
    Applebreeze began creeping forward to listen.
    “That won’t be hard. They are already perfect Flower,” purred the tom with light gray fur.
    So Flower is the name of that auburn furred queen,
    Then an older she-cat with the same auburn long fur padded over.
    Flower is probably her daughter, thought Applebreeze.
    “Hi grandma!”, squealed one of the kits.
    “Hi Fern. You can just call me Pine. It sounds tougher!”, the kit’s grandma, Pine, mock growled, acting tough.
    “Eek!”, screamed the kits, diving back into their mother’s fur.
    “You have your paws full there! Three kits are a real pawful!” Pine purred.
    Just then, a dark brown tom kit scampered over curiously.
    “Did I look like that when I was born?” he asked.
    “Yes you did” Flower responded.
    “Oak! Get over here! You should be asleep!” yowled a she-cat with a similar pelt to the clumsy tom kit.
    She’s probably Oak’s mother, thought Applebreeze.
    “Come on Ivy let him meet them!”, laughed Flower.
    Turning her attention to Oak, Flower said “Be very careful, they may be three moons, but they are still much younger than you”
    “Ok,” Oak said, nodding.
    Suddenly, a large black tom crashed into the barn with blood dripping down his side.
    “Shadow!”, cried Ivy, “What happened?!”
    Shadow stood there for a moment trying to catch his breath.
    Wait! What’s that?, thought Applebreeze as the scent of her clan hit her nose.
    They’re not supposed to be here yet!, thought Applebreeze.
    Shadow finally managed to get out some words.
    “WindClan, they’re coming”, he sputtered.
    Flower shrieked and rushed to hide the kits in her nest. Applebreeze paused, unsure of what to do.
    Then WindClan came.
    Crowstar let out a loud caterwaul and streaked into the barn with a group of WindClan’s strongest fast on his heels. The swift battle trained Clan cats easily gained the upper hand. Applebreeze snapped back into and jumped into the fray. She raised her paw and swiped, it collided with the light gray furred tom Moss. They rolled around, clawing each other. Blood was pounding in Applebreeze’s ears and the adrenaline of the battle had made her confused. Finally Applebreeze saw her chance. She faked to the left, catching Moss off guard, and swiped to the right, raking Moss down his side. Moss ran further back into the barn.
    Probably to find his mate, thought Applebreeze.
    Focusing back on the battle she found her clanmates driving back the rogues. The battle was hectic and it was hard to discern a rogue from clanmate. There were more than Applebreeze thought, but they still didn’t stand a chance. Then she saw Stormfang, a broad-shouldered tom cornering Flower.
    Uh oh, thought Applebreeze, the kits!
    He was approaching Flower with his teeth bared. Applebreeze saw Flower rear up and strike Stormfang.
    Oh no, thought Applebreeze, Stormfang is set on avenging his sister!
    Stormfang let out a snarl and viciously swiped at Flower. Flower rolled out of the way and clawed him in the muzzle. Flower fought hard, but it was obvious to Applebreeze that WindClan was stronger. Just as the rogues fled the barn, Crowstar called to retreat.
    “We have beaten them! They will leave forever! WindClan retreat!”
    Crowstar, Applebreeze, and the deputy, Longstep had all begun to exit the barn but no other warriors followed. Clearly the heat of the battle had dulled their senses. All of the rogues had appeared to abandon the barn. Zeroing in on the two remaining WindClan warriors, Applebreeze gasped. Flamerunner and Stormfang were batting at Flower in her nest. Just as Stormfang swiped his paw at Flower time seemed to stop. Fern crawled out from behind the nest, confused and wailing. No one noticed her. Flower was engaged in the fight with Stormfang and Stormfang just wanted to avenge his sister. Applebreeze gasped as she saw Stormfang go for the killing blow.
    He has no idea that she has kits just like him, thought Applebreeze.
    Then something happened that Applebreeze did not expect. Just as Stormfang went to rake his claws down Flower’s stomach Fern stumbled and fell right in the way of Stormfang’s claws. The blow went right through both of them and ended them instantly. Stormfang paused, unsure of himself, then crumpled.
    Crowstar looked at Stormfang with a pitiful gaze, then looked to Longstep and nodded. Crowstar grasped Flower’s scruff with his teeth and exited the barn with Flamerunner.
    To bury her, thought Applebreeze sadly.
    Then Longstep went to get Fern.
    “Wait,” called Applebreeze, “there are two other kits.”
    “What!?”, cried Longstep.
    “Here, I’ll show you”, said Applebreeze, picking apart the nest to reveal the two she-kits.
    “They’ve gone into shock”, sighed Longstep.
    “Yes, but what will we do?”, burst Applebreeze, realizing what had just happened.
    “I can assure you that those rogues are not coming back after this fight. I’m afraid that Crowstar has gone too far this time”, moaned Longstep.
    “That doesn’t solve anything!”, cried Applebreeze, “Are we just going to take them to WindClan like nothing happened?!”
    “Yes,” replied Longstep, “that is exactly what we will do.”

    • I took your idea and ran with it.
      I really like your idea about showing the rogues. My old prologue had nothing about them and it started at the battle from an apprentice’s point of view.
      I also love your idea about Hawkflower gossiping and I think it would work well with the first chapter.
      🙂

    • yay!
      i think we are doing this chain-like thing where one person posts a prologue then the next person edits it and adds more detail, then another person adds more detail to it and so on. then it will be done once it is the best it can be and everyone has their input and ideas represented.
      🙂

  • My turn at the prologue thing!

    *Warning: intense battle scenes
    Prologue

    A dark cloudy-blue tom, with auburn stripes, sat nearby a she-cat and her kits.
    There were five cats around the nest. Three she-kits that looked to be around three moons old. Courage sat behind them watching the kits like a hawk. “That won’t be hard. They are already perfect Flower,” purred the tom with light gray fur.
    Then an older she-cat with auburn long fur padded over.
    “Hi grandma!”, squealed one of the kits.
    “Fern, you just call me Pine.” Pine hissed playfully.
    “Eek!”, screamed the kits, diving back into their mother’s fur.
    “You have your paws full there!” Pine purred.
    Just then, a dark brown tom kit scampered over curiously.
    “Did I look like that when I was born?” he asked.
    “Yes you did” Flower responded.
    “Oak! Get over here! You should be asleep!” yowled a she-cat with a similar pelt to the clumsy tom kit.
    Ivy’s such a nag. Courage thought.
    “Come on Ivy let him meet them!”, laughed Flower.
    Turning her attention to Oak, Flower said “Be very careful, they may be three moons, but they are still much younger than you”
    “Ok,” Oak said, nodding. He heard a slight noise, he smelt a WindClan cat
    Suddenly, a large black tom crashed into the barn with blood dripping down his side.
    “Shadow!”, cried Ivy, “What happened?!”
    Shadow stood there for a moment trying to catch his breath.
    Courage’s eyes widened, he got up and stalked towards Shadow, he looked out the doors and saw many Clan cats running toward them.
    Mouse-brains! Courage cursed in his mind.
    Shadow finally managed to get out some words.
    “WindClan, they’re coming”, he sputtered.
    Flower shrieked and rushed to hide the kits in her nest. Courage’s mind was running, he paused, unsure of what to do.
    Then WindClan came.
    Crowstar let out a loud caterwaul and streaked into the barn with a group of WindClan’s strongest fast on his heels. The swift battle trained Clan cats easily gained the upper hand. A light brown she-cat jumped into the fray. She raised her paw and swiped, it collided with Courage’s head. They rolled around, clawing each other. Blood was all over the place, and the adrenaline of the battle had made him excited. Finally the she-cat saw her chance. She faked to the left, catching Courage off guard, and swiped to the right, raking him down his side. Courage lost his balance and ran back to around where Flower was.
    Her kits, Courage thought.
    Focusing back on the battle he found the clan-cats driving back the rogues. The battle was hectic and it was hard to discern a rogue from clan-cat. There were less than Courage thought, but they still didn’t stand a chance. At that he saw a large silver tom cornering Flower and her kits.
    The kits! Courage thought frantically.
    He was approaching Flower with his teeth bared. Courage looked at his sister.
    The silver tom let out a snarl and viciously swiped at Flower. Flower rolled out of the way and clawed him in the muzzle. Flower fought hard, but it was obvious to Courage that WindClan was stronger. Just as the rogues fled the barn, Crowstar called to retreat.
    “We have beaten them! They will leave forever! WindClan retreat!”
    All of the rogues had appeared to abandon the barn. Zeroing in on the two remaining WindClan warriors, Courage quickly slipped behind Flower. Two toms were batting at Flower in her nest. Just as one swiped his paw at Flower time seemed to stop. Fern crawled out from behind the nest, confused and wailing. No one noticed her. Flower was engaged in the fight with the toms, as the silver one went for the killing blow, Courage swiped Fern from under Flower.
    He has no idea that she has kits… Courage thought.
    The silver tom’s claws raked the underside of her throat, Courage hid in the shadows, and watched.
    Crowstar looked at the tom with a pitiful gaze, then looked to another one beside him, and nodded. Crowstar grasped Flower’s scruff with his teeth and exited the barn.
    To bury her, thought Courage sadly.
    “Wait,” called the she-cat he’d fought earlier, Applebreeze, “there are two other kits.”
    “What!?”, cried the deputy, Longstep.
    “Here, I’ll show you”, said Applebreeze, picking apart the nest to reveal the two she-kits.
    “They’ve gone into shock”, sighed Longstep.
    “Yes, but what will we do?”, burst Applebreeze, realizing what had just happened.
    “I can assure you that those rogues are not coming back after this fight. I’m afraid that Crowstar has gone too far this time”, moaned Longstep.
    “That doesn’t solve anything!”, cried Applebreeze, “Are we just going to take them to WindClan like nothing happened?!”
    “Yes,” replied Longstep, “that is exactly what we will do.”
    Courage slipped out of the barn, Fern tight in his teeth. “Stay safe Snow and Blossom…” he muttered.

    You like? Not much different, I just feel bad about the kit’s death (I’m sappy).

  • Ok, no one is responding, I am just going to post it. I used Applebreeze’s point of view for this scene. This is just the bare minimum, add detail, please.

    Applebreeze padded over with Snow in her mouth. Longstep followed with Blossom. After the battle, the cats had trudged back to camp, and although they should have felt victorious, they felt anything but. Stormfang looked really down. He regrets what he did, Applebreeze thought. I think we all did things we will regret tonight. Suddenly, Snow let out a wail.
    “I want Flower!” she wailed.
    “Shhh, it’s all right,” Applebreeze said, “we’re taking you to a place where you will get warm, and eat.” This seemed to calm Snow down.
    “Will Flower and Fern be there?” she asked.
    Longstep and Applebreeze exchanged glances
    “Flower and Fern are dead, Snow. You won’t see them for a long, long time. I’m sorry.” The look on Snow’s face broke her heart.
    “Come on, we know someone who can take care of you,” Longstep said. Snow dangling limply from her jaws, Applebreeze headed for the nursery.
    ******************************

    “I told Crowstar we shouldn’t have done this! He was being greedy, and now two kits are orphaned and one was killed!” Hawkflower snarled. “No one needed to fight this battle!” her tone softened. “The poor kits they have no mother now.” “Yes, about that,” Lightdapple said, interrupting her rant. “The kits need a mother. Crowstar asked if you could take care of them” “ever since Lilykit and Stormkit…” he broke off. The clan was still mourning for Lillykit and Stormkit, Hawkflower’s kits, both of whom had been born dead. “Of course I will,” Hawkflower responded. “I still have milk, and the poor kits do need a mother. Bring them in.”

    • They don’t know about Fern, in my final version of the prologue, the rogue who’s POV it’s in saves the kit (cuz I’ sappy), and runs away, which the only way for anyone to know Fern’s alive is to show it from his POV, anyway no one knows of Fern

    • I’m gonna rewrite the bottom part to fit in with Lightdapple’s and Hawkflower’s characters/personalities 🙂

      “I told Crowstar we shouldn’t have done this! He was being greedy, and now two kits are orphaned!” Hawkflower snarled.
      “No one needed to fight this battle!” her tone softened. “The poor kits they have no mother now.”
      “Yes, about that,” Lightdapple said, interrupting her rant. “The kits need a mother. Crowstar asked if you could take care of them. I know you always wished you could have kits”
      “True”, sighed Hawkflower, “though I can’t raise them alone.”
      “You know I can’t stand kits!”, protested Lightdapple, sitting up suddenly.
      “I know! You’re much too moody”, joked Hawkflower, remembering her mate’s short-temper.
      “Hey!”, whined Lightdapple, “I am very responsible!”
      “I’m sure you can be”, laughed Hawkflower, rolling her eyes.
      “You will be there for them, won’t you?” asked Hawkflower in a more serious tone.
      “For you, yes”, sighed Lightdapple, licking her mate’s cheek.

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