The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
*Hollyfrost bursts in through the doors of the hazelpage with an evil smirk, she was holding a BUNCH of christmas stuff* “HAHAAHAHAHAH” she laughed loudly as many blogclanners stared at her in confusion. “YOU ALL MAY NOT BE READY..BUT I AM!!! IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” she yowled as she threw presents everywhere and set up her own little tree, though it wasn’t quick. she kept stumbling and tripping on things, she even got stuck on the chandelier at some point! “We celebrate now… Or else…hehehehaha” she giggled. “Or else perish” she said, with an evil smirk as she pulled out a kn!f3 collection.
“I agree because I don’t believe in Thanksgiving,” Pandaflame meowed.
Creations chooses coffee over both options, grabbing a huge sign reading; COFFEE FOR THE WIN!
Then immediately contradicts the claim by eating a whole stick of butter by itself.
“No! It’s still Halloween!” Sparkpaw walks into the room with her chin held high, puffing her fur out to look like a pumpkin.
Although her profile picture contradicts her.
And so does the weather…
Cheetahheart runs over “YES YES YES CHRISTMAS IS HERE” She sets up her own tree corner, and starts rocking “Carol of the bells” On the nearest piano
dinosaurpaw agrees because he lives in australia and has never celebrated thanksgiving. “can I help with whatever you’re going to d o with the kn!v3s?”
“Yes of ccourse you can >:)” Hollyfrost said with an evil grin
dino joins in with the evil grinning.
“MWAHAHAHAHA” Silverdusk joins in with her trademark evil laugh. “CHRISTMAS WILL COME WHETHER YOU ACCEPT IT OR NOT!!” Silverdusk announces.
“MWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA CHRISTMAS SHALL RULE!!!11!!” Primrosepaw yowls in agreement
“NOOOO!” Sparkpaw hurls herself at the Christmas tree, knocking it down. Then she devours all the cookies because she can.
“HEY! ugh…Well thats okay- I HAVE SPARES!” she said as she pulled out spare cookies from her bag, and she set the tree back up.
:0 “Traitor!” Primrosepaw yowls she then grabs a Shrek and points it at Sparkpaw “S U R R E N D E R T O T H E C R I S P M A S”
“Haha! You spelled Christmas incorrectly! It’s proof! HALLOWEEN RULES!” Sparkpaw yowls, reaching for the new plate of cookies. “Ooo, thank you! Seriously, these are yummy! Where’d you get them?”
Hollykit, who had wanted to eat those cookies which she knows are currently inside Sparkpaw, inhales her.
“A-” Sparkpaw blinks several times. “Wait, did physics go on vacation too??”
“Apparently!” Hollykit remarked.
“I got the cookies from the Toilet store”
“Oh, uh-” Sparkpaw smiles the biggest smile in the entire history of the world. “Which aisle?”
aisle 01801282 called YOU CANT LEAVE
“Sounds suspicious. You know what? I’m glad physics went on a vacation. Because now I can teleport that aisle to the other side of the world!” Sparkpaw evilly grins along with all the other cats who are evilly grinning.
Primrosepaw begins to summon a clan of Shrek and forces them to sing Christmas carols “I T I S N E V E R TO E A R L Y T O C E L E B E A R T E C R I S P M A S”
Spiro also grabs a Shrek and willingly participates in the caroling.
Moon plays “rocking around the christmas tree” on the piano and is suddenly engulfed with beautiful ornaments and tinsel and sugar cookies
FEAR ME
STORE BOUGHT SUGAR COOKIES ARE THE BEST
CHRISTMAS FOR THE WIIIIN
Sandbreeze burns the store-bought sugar cookies.
“Store-bought WILL NEVER BEAT HOMEMADE!”
Sandbreeze starts walking around the place with her lightsaber and murdering all the sandwiches. When she realizes that the sandwich trend is over, she starts burning all the christmas stuff.
YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!” She yells.
Then adds: “FOR THOSE THAT DON’T CELBRATE IT CELEBRATE ME!”
Then she continues to take down all the Chirstmas stuff.
“YESSSS!” Sparkpaw joins in and shreds the Christmas tree to pieces with her own yellow lightsaber, then realises she’s set fire to the building.
“NOIO AND NOIOO! THE ONLY PERSON I CELEBRATE ASIDE FROM HOLIDAYS IS T E N N I S B A L L WHO ISN’T EVEN A CAT!11!!1!” Primrosepaw yowls back while full blasting “Jingle Bell Rock”
“Uhm. You said ‘person’. And THE MUSIC-” Sparkpaw darts over to the radio and slams the This is Halloween button but does it so hard that the radio breaks. “THERE. NOW NONE OF YOU CAN CHANGE IT.”
A glitched version of This is Halloween is now blasting infinitely around in the tavern. Until someone totally breaks it.
“SAME THING!” Primrosepaw proceeds to grab an unsuspecting penguin and puts it in the oven
“NOOOO! I WILL NOT WATCH YOU HURT INNOCENT ANIMALS!” Sparkpaw screeches, teleporting the penguin back to wherever it came from because physics do not exist anymore. Or they just went on vacation.
Cheetahheart sneaks up onto the balcony with her melodica. Lauching herself off, she lands in a pile of Christmas trees, and starts playing “jingle bell rock”
After finishing, she bellows, “CHRISTMAS AND THANKSGIVING ARE CELEBRATED TOGETHER. WHO IS GONNA JOIN ME FOR THANKSMAS ON NOV 24?????”
She proceeds to rush up to the balcony and restart the process
“MAYBE IF THERE IS F R E E F O O D AND F R E E S A N T A INCLUDED!!111!” Primrosepaw yowls in agreement as she sips her Sprite
“WHAT? WHY NOT THANKSMALLOWEEN?” Sparkpaw yowls over the chaos, hurling herself at the balcony with the broken Christmas tree and breaking it somehow. Then she tries to turn off the radio using another broken Christmas tree piece and accidentally sets fire to the tavern for the second time.
Spiro raises her hand enthusiastically and grabs the turkey and mistletoe.
“I have made a revolutionary discovery,” Hollykit announces, swiping off plates from the table she was about to stand on. “When a minutes passes, sixty seconds have passed as well, all around the world!”
“Oh wow!” Aquila gasps, covering her mouth with her hand, “That is truly incredible!”
Primrosepaw malfunctions at this piece of news
Sparkpaw, who is supposed to be not moving, decides to help Primrosepaw malfunction and trips them because she can.
Sparkpaw has flashbacks (or flashforwards because this is when Sparkpaw receives her warrior name) from the time Hiddenmoon malfunctioned so she didn’t have to answer a question:
“From this day on, Sparkpaw and Maplepaw will be known as Sparkfall and Mapleear.” Ivystar glowed with pride for her kits as the clan burst out calling their new names.
But she could hear Hiddenmoon yowling beside her, “Sparkpaw! Maplepaw!”
Ivystar tapped the black and white she-cat’s shoulder. “Hiddenmoon, stop being an awkward aunt.”
Hiddenmoon slowly turned to her. And said nothing.
“Uhh…” Ivystar started, but Hiddenmoon’s mew interrupted her.
“Computing…”
Ivystar’s sister paused again. Then said it again.
“Computing…”
“…Hiddenmoon?” Ivystar nervously smiled.
“Task failed successfully.”
Then Hiddenmoon slowly, painstakingly, fell sideways.
“Oh no,” Ivystar announced to her daughter, Sparkfall, who she expects literally everything of. “Hiddenmoon broke.”
Sparkpaw decides she will do it too. She silently thanks Hiddenmoon. (Hiddenmoon if you see this thanks again…)
Sparkpaw falls sideways and doesn’t move.
What is this? Is this a secret page?
“No,” says dino. “it’s the tavern.”
he glances around
“but in parallel opposite universe where all that exists is complete chaos. it’s actually kinda fun.”
(it is a real page it’s just not linked at the top)
Nope, it’s just a page where we goof around 😛
Moss wanders in, munching on some lettuce and holds out her lettuce. “LETTUCE!” she shouts, shoving her lettuce in the nearest cat’s face.
“NO! CAULIFLOWER AND RED CABBAGE!” Hollykit takes a lightsaber and cuts the lettuce into a million pieces.
“Oh, not this again!” Sparkpaw groans and grabs her own yellow lightsaber, unsuccessfully throwing it at the nearest flying cat. She misses by three tail lengths and instead hits the Christmas tree, setting fire to the tavern for the third time. But because physics went on vacation, the fire no longer exists.
“Sparkpaw, that setting fire to the tavern thing is really becoming a bad habit. I mean, thank goodness physics are on vacation!” Hollykit instinctively reached for a water bucket, but stopped from getting one, as physics were apparently on vacation.
Sparkpaw malfunctions. Then tries to set fire to the Christmas tree for the fourth time. Unsuccessfully.
“Noooo! Can’t physics just come back already so I can just set fire to that tree?” Sparkpaw groans, apparently not malfunctioning anymore.
Hollykit grabs all of the nearest phones, so that Sparkpaw can’t call physics to come back from vacation.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Moss does her best to save the lettuce from Hollykit’s wrath, but she is only left with three small pieces. She turns to Hollykit. “What did you do to my lettuce?”
“I shattered it into a million pieces!” Hollykit raises her lightsaber proudly.
Sparkpaw grabs the lettuce off the cat’s face and throws it back at Mosspaw’s. “Ha!” She yowls. “Sandwiches are MUCH better!” She summons some more sandwiches and throws them at the other cats’ faces.
“Or they are until you disprove me!”
dino grimaces as a sandwich and some soggy tiny pieces of lettuce land in his face.
THIS MEANS WAR
“No it doesn’t.” Sparkpaw pauses before yelling in everyone’s faces: “CATS ARE BETTER THAN DOGS!”
“HEY—wait. I actually agree with that.”
Moss catches the lettuce with her paws that are so totally able to catch things and stumbles as a sandwich hits her in the face. “Hey, does this sandwich have lettuce?” she asks, opening it up to look inside.
dino grabs a handful of sour patch kids and throws them in cat’s faces while they’re distracted watching mossi examine a sandwich
“Yes! Of course! All sandwiches must have the mighty lettuce! Hey, Dino-” Sparkpaw spits out clump of sour patch kids that landed in her mouth. “Ewwwwww!”
Then she throws a tomato sandwich at Dino’s face because she can.
“okay. that’s it.”
out of seemingly nowhere, he pulls a five litre tub of cooked two minute noodles. dino throws it on the floor and two minute noodles cover everything in a fifteen metre radius.
“FOOD FIGHT!” Silverdusk yells, throwing an endless supply of sushi everywhere, coating everyone in bits of rice and seaweed. Silverdusk laughs evilly and pulls an umbrella out of her non existent pocket and floats away like Mary Poppins, dropping a can of Coke that explodes and sends brown fizzy spurting everywhere and making everybody dripping wet.
“I knew this was gonna escalate into a food fight,” Hollykit grumbles. She leaps into the air, dragging Silverdusk down to the floor. “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!” she yowls, taking a cannon out of nowhere because physics are on vacation, and stuffs down all the french fries she can. She then launches the cannon, making french fries spread all across the room.
Spiro, an innocent bystander, does not care about the five-second rule and leisurely eats the food piled all around her.
dino is annoyed that spiro is not joining inwith the fight and pelts tiny teddies at her face
Spiro, offended, turns into a loafcat and proceeds to shoot croissants
out of her paws at Dino.
dino is displeased
Sandbreeze looks at all the vegatables being thrown around.
“You guys are weird! Vegetables do not exist in this dimension! Junk food is so much better!”
She throws a pack of Oreos at Mosspaw, yowling with delight.
Cinderspark walks in and is almost blown over by all the chaos. To add to it, she plays this video through the gigantic speakers on the ceiling that just materialized. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nranUeNkXpM (I swear on books that this is not a rickroll, watch it, it’s funny)
“i think i’ve found my new favourite Christmas song” says dino
“NO, WAIT EVERYONE-” Sparkpaw attempts to stop the chaos. She grabs a mop and begins trying to scoop up Christmas trees, pianos, non existent fire, sour patch kids, cabbage shards and noodles, but miserably fails.
“EVERYONE.” She somehow yells louder than the chaos. “CATS ARE BETTER THAN DOGS!”
Sandbreeze throws a tomato at her. “DOGS ARE BETTER THAN CATS!”
“I AGREE WITH SPARKPAW!” Hollykit yeets a box of sunflower seeds towards Sandbreeze.
“NOOOOOOO!” Yells Scorchmist. She grabs her lightsaber.
dino laughs evilly. “you can never attempt to stop the chaos, or the chaos will stop YOU!”
he turns into a dinosaur and breaks some stuff.
“Betrayal! I love dinosaurs!” Hollykit wails.
dino stops breaking stuff and turms toward hollykit.
“do you want to be a dinosaur and break stuff as well?” he asks.
Hollykit grins the widest grin of grins. “Y. E. S.” She morphs into a T. Rex and begins to wreck everything.
sparky walks into the hazelpage, relatively calm in contrast to the chaos around them. “hey hey what’s up?” they ask, and then sit down. she observes all the chaos, and calmly sips some tea that they got somehow. “this is good tea” she comments quietly.
“Sugar makes it better,” Hollykit recommends. Without really thinking—as she’s in a food fight—she takes many cubes of sugar and basketball-style dunks them in Clownpaw’s tea.
“why thank you!” they chirp happily, and sip some more of the tea. a slow grin spreads across her face, the tea did taste better!
“Anytime!” Hollykit says. She turns her head, as someone has hit her with a piece of lettuce. “WHY YOU LITTLE—” she yowls, running back to battle with her lightsaber (is a food fight actually happening?).
(a food fight is actually happening)
“may i please have some tea?” asks dino politely. he is dressed like one of those old fashioned gentlemen with a monocle, sitting up with his paws crossed in his lap.
Spiro walks into the Hazelpage, looks at the picture, and says, “Yup, it’s my D’n’D tavern. Time to get killed by a bunch of tables all over again.”
Scorchmist gets up on the table and starts talking like a crazy anarchist, whilst waving her lightsaber. Then she suddenly collapses, because she forgot to order food she hasn’t eaten in 14 hours.
dino is confused because there is a clear abundance of food here and is impressed that scorchmist managed not to eat any of it.
Hollykit picks up a french fry of her own from the ground and hands it over to the unconscious Scorchmist. “French fry?” she tries.