The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Two questions! One, are we basically anthropomorphic arson cats here? (because of your BlogClan art post) and Two, can I plz have some Arson Cheese Hazypaw?
(*Scorchmists BlogClan Art post)
“OFC YOU CAN HAVE SOME ARSON CHEESE, HERE YOU GO,” Hazypaw yowled from across the room, ignoring the arson that blocked her from being able to see Saffron. suddenly, a wagon full of arson cheese randomly appears.
“Thank you Hazypaw!” Saffron says, and jumps to join the food fight.
Fawnsplash pokes his head around the door, startled but intrigued by the sheer amount of arson around him.
“What is this place?” he asks, eyes shining in excitement
“The arson page.” Sunheart innocently replies while casually light a bystander’s head on fire.
“The Hazelpage of course!” Sunflight said with a smile. “Feel free to sit, chat, snack – or commit arson.”
“We’re in the middle of an epic food fight, Fawnsplash! Wanna joinnnnnnn?” Cherrypaw shouts across the room, while flinging arson cheese at every cat she sees.
Fawnsplash eagerly grabs handfuls of arson cheese with Cherrypaw, flinging them in every direction.
“This is so fun!!” he yowls!
“Let’s team up!” mews Cherrypaw enthusiastically. “Quick, you throw some extra cheese while I go order more at Hazypaw’s Arson Cheese shop!”
“Sure!” Fawnsplash mewls, grabbing pawfuls of arson cheese from Cherrypaw and throwing them everywhere.
Saffron pushes her wagon of arson cheese towards Fawnsplash and Cherrypaw, trying to be as sneaky as possible, which isn’t very easy with a squeaky wagon. In the middle of her very-sneaky attempt to throw food at Fawn and Cherry, one of the wagon’s wheels break off from the weight of the cheese and Saffron gives up and throws the wagon, arson cheese and all, right on top of Fawnsplash.
Hazypaw gasps. “It’s the great slap!” she says enthusiastically as the cheese and wagon slap into Fawnsplash, covering her with cheese.
“you guys are just using MY arson cheese. i will refuse to give you arson cheese.” Hazypaw told them.
“NO, DO NOT FEEL FREE TO SIT CHAT AND SNACK. COMMIT ARSON!!!! Saffron chucks some of her newly-gained Arson Cheese at Sunflight.
Sunflight skillfully karate chops the cheese to the floor and casually walks away. Then she sits, begins to chat, and orders a small snack of pretzels. “Just watch me.”
Cherrypaw races back to Fawnsplash’s side with empty paws. “I couldn’t find the in-store arson cheese shop!” she cries, eyes wide with panic.
“Here it is!” Dawnpaw meows, panicking for Cherrypaw’s future without arson cheese. “https://blogclan.katecary.co.uk/images-10/ ! Wow, I just realized I’m barely on this page. Haha!” she mewes.
Scorchmist, taking a break from the chaos of the food fight, takes out a mysterious blue vinyl that look suspiciously like a stollen copy of the currently unreleased 1989 Taylor’s Version. She places it on the Hazelpage’s vintage record player, but before more than a few notes can be played, the record player is hit by an exploding arson-artichoke. The record player bursts into flames, destroying the vinyl. “Who threw that!?” She howls, “You won’t believe what it took to get my hands on that record, and now it’s gone!” She starts grabbing things out of her bag and throwing them at the cats around her.
Hazypaw looked at Scorchmist, eyes wide. She shrunk down into a corner and pretended to have nothing to do with the record.
Just then, at the exactly wrong moment, Cherrypaw bursts in through the door, spattering everyone with rain from outside, tramples the record, and sets her one hundred-pack of arson cheese with EXTRA pepper on fire.
“COWER BEFORE THE CHEESE, LOWLY PYROMANIAC CATS!” She commands. “WE GATHER HERE TODAY—“
Scorchmist tackles her to the ground. “YOU BROKE THE RECORD!” she shouts accusingly.
Hazypaw stared wide-eyed at Cherrypaw and Scorchmist.
she dserved it, that’s MY cheese, I should be making cats bow down to it
she smirked, knowing exactly what she would do next…
“Stop thinking about that,”Shiverpaw hissed, miraculously managing to read Hazypaw’s mind.
Hazypaw grabbed a mouthful of arson cheese, quickly eating it.
She then grabbed a wagon full of it and jumped on to a table.
She dropped the wagon and yowled, “Cats! Everyone, my arson cheese has become famous in only a few days. AND BECAUSE OF THAT, AS I AM THE CREATOR, YOU SHALL ALL BOW DOWN! FOR ARSON CHEESE IS AMAZING!!”
“Nope! NOT HAPPENING,”Shiverpaw announced, splattering cheese all over a furious Hazypaw.
She licked her furry paws and knocked Hazypaw down the table, setting all the tables on fire.
hazypaw hisses, and strikes her claw across Shiv’s side, her eyes flaring wildly.
Shiverpaw sidesteps and pours icy water all over Hazypaw, putting out the fire on the tables, and quickly races away.
Hazypaw stared, mouth open at the wet, unarsonafied, table.
“how dare you!” She called after Shiv.
With a snort, Shiv pours icy water all over the room just as the ceiling caves in.
Hazypaw screeches and dramatically dies.
Flamepaw kicks open the door, carrying multiple flamethrowers with her. “I’M BACK, MY FRIENDS!!!! AND I SET THE ATLANTIC OCEAN ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!”
“FINALLY, FLAMPEAW! YOUR DREAMS HAVE BEEN FULLFILLED!” Dawnpaw yowls, breaking everycat’s eardrums. She continues babbling on and on, but nocat can hear her because their eardrums have popped.
“Indeed they have, my friend!” Flamepaw grins. “Now, ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“LET US START SETTING EVERY SINGLE CAT ON FIRE!”Shiverpaw yowled. “SINCE SCORCHMIST’S RADIO BROKE, HAZYPAW WILL GIVE ALL HER ARSON CHEESE TO HER!”she shouts enthusiastically, shooting Hazypaw a sly grin. “Wait a sec,”she adds, looking confused, “Scorchmist, did Scarletscorch imprison you here so she could mess over ScorchClan?”
“Uh…” Scorchmist contemplates the best way to avoid giving spoilers.
XD
“Hmph,”Shiverpaw muttered. “AHA! SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT SETTING A SCORCHCLAN CAT ON FIRE IS THE BEST WAY TO TORTURE THEM!” Glancing around sneakily, she secretly takes some arson cheese and eats it. Fortunately, Hazypaw was too busy trying to make others bow to notice her. “Well, too bad. Scarletscorch can stuff a fish up her nose. This is the best place ever!” She tries not to think about delicious arson cheese. Suddenly, some arson water appear before her. “BEHOLD!”she yowls, shattering every cats’ eardrums again. “I HAVE CREATED SOMETHING BETTER THAN ARSON CHEESE—ARSON WATER! AND ALL ARSON CHEESE SHALL BE GIVEN TO SCORCHMIST DUE TO THE FACT THAT HAZYPAW BROKE HER RADIO.” She sneers, and Hazypaw starts to seethe with rage.
Reedpaw voices her disagreement: “Water + arson = steam/boiling water.”
“Doesn’t matter,”Shiverpaw points out. “If it burns in your throat, why can’t it be boiling? Oh, and there’s melted cheese inside, try it out!”
“That sounds wonderful, Shiv!” Flamepaw beams as she douses a couple of tables in gasoline and lights a candle (cinnamon-scented 😉 )
Reedpaw tries a tiny bit and her eyes widen. “I withdraw my earlier statement! Arson water is amazing!”
“ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dawnpaw yowled while making a :3 face. “I wike awshon.”
She takes out her signature spray, ARSON BUT AIR! and sprays the whole room with it.
“AWSHON BUT AIWWWW!!!!!”
“Wewl, dis swells weird.”Shiverpaw announced. “Dis must be da gweatest spway in da world!” She tries to speak in the way Dawnpaw is speaking, but fails. Huffing, she drinks some of her own arson cheese-water, and grins, lapping the cheesy hot water. “Dis is da best! Awshon forever!”
“ARSON FOREVER INDEED!” Flamepaw nods solemnly.
“I mwade wit a foo pagesh agwo!” Dawnpaw kitlike mewes. “itch’s awesome, wight? I wove wit!”
She takes the spray and sprays Flamo (who is now her suffix buddy) and yowls, “awl haiwl va mwighty Fwamespiwit!”
“Aw, thanks, my friend,” Flamepaw smiles as she hands Dawnpaw a flamethrower in thanks.
Dawnpaw accidently (ACCIDENTLY, don’t judge me for being clumsy 😛) lights Flamepaw on fire. “Oopsh!” she giggles. “Va fiwe ish danshing! Wook at it gwow!”
Robi cautiously opened the door, holding a flamethrower in one hand (paw?)
“HI ROBIN!!!!” Flamepaw yells as she starts yet another fire.
A glint comes into Robinpaw’s eye. In 0.5 seconds, most of the room is on fire- including the drinks.
“From now on, unless you ask on my Hazypaw’sarsoncheese.com on the wiki, or you are either one of my closest friends or you have bowed down to me, you shall no longer be able to have arson cheese!”
Hazypaw looked at the furious cats, a smirk on her face.
“Go make your own arson cheese, if you can find the secret ingredient…” She smiled, flicking a tuft of hair on her head and walking out as id she owned the place, taking all the arson cheese with her.
“I’ll be in my secret lair.”
*bows down for the sake of arson cheese*
Hazypaw smiled, and gave Saffronkit an entire garage-full of arson cheese.
Shiverpaw just smirks at Hazypaw. “Too bad, they all want arson water now.” Then she produced two jugs full of arson water from nowhere, and handed them to Flamepaw and Reedpaw. “Since they praised arson water, they get a whole jug!”
Then, she grins. “Well, I happen to also make arson cheese for my arson water, even though it’s slightly different…”
Hazypaw just sighed, slowly shaking her head.
“for those who bow down, they get an entire garage-full of cheese!” She announced, smirking.
“I don’t care,”Shiverpaw snapped, narrowing her ice-blue eyes. “Flam, Reedy, come claim your drinks!” She called, sprinkling pepper in the arson water. Then, she sneered at Hazypaw, who was giving out arson cheese. “Anyway, arson water is better than arson cheese because it’s ARSON PLUS WATER PLUS CHEESE PLUS PEPPER AND SOME SECRET INGREDIENTS!”
“I AM HERE,” booms Reedpaw, swooping in to claim her drink. She downs it in one gulp and cackles as fire spurts out of her ears, singeing everyone’s whiskers. “ARSON CHEESE AND ARSON WATER WAR!!! I STAND WITH ARSON WATER!”
(No one has to take a side, of course—this is purely a joke. Now, pretend I didn’t say the part about the joke.)
Fawnsplash looks from Hazy to Reedy and Shiv.
“But I want to order arson cheese and arson water!!” he meows loudly 😛
(Of course this is a joke but ignore this part) “Great, Reedy!”Shiverpaw shouts, beaming at her. “ Now, Flam, which side do you stand by?”
A spotlight appears out of nowhere and catches Flamepaw in the act of committing arson. She freezes as she realizes all eyes are on her. “Uhhhhh… I’m on the side of arson anything??” she says, half-asking. “All arson is beautiful in its own way, whether it’s water or cheese, so yeah!” she shrugs, inching out of the spotlight as fast as she can without attracting too much attention.
“Hmmm…” Shiverpaw looks irritated. “Oh, I know! Fawnsplash, Flam, go stand on that table,”she offered, pointing to a wet, unarsonfied table. “Reedpaw, do you want more arson water?”
“Uh… Okay?” Flamepaw says, poking the table with a match. “Hopefully this is flammable so that we can burn it…”
“Too bad,”Shiverpaw observes wryly, reading Flam’s mind. “The spotlight is made to follow anyone with Flame or Fire in his or her name- including Firestar.”
Flamepaw chuckles nervously. “Well that’s lovely. But what you don’t know is that I also go by Alexander Flamilton, which has no ‘Flame’ or ‘Fire’ in it!” she says brightly, winking at Shiv as she puts on her hat that says “A Dot Flam” on it.
“But FLAMiton,”Shiverpaw points out.
Cherrypaw sneaks a bit of arson water and fire comes out of her ears.
“Technically though, you said FLAME or FIRE,” Flamepaw points out as she tries to sneakily set a table on fire.
“Flam, have you forgotten your nickname?”Shiv hisses, glowering at her. “Flam equals Flame because of Flamespirit!”
Hazypaw sighs, blinking.
“excuse me?” she pauses. “ARSON CHEESE IS WAY BETTER, IT’S A MIX OF A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF CHEESE, BATHED IN ARSON UNTIL THE OUTSIDE IS CRISP AND ARSON-Y! I ALSO HAVE MY OWN THAT SHOOTS FLAMES OUT OF IT AND IS INDESTRUCTIBLE!! IT ALSO HAS LIKE 10 SECRETS INGREDIENTS THAT I WON’T SAY BECAUSE THEY’RE… WELL… SECRET!”
“Seriously,”Shiverpaw scoffed. “Mine is way better. You don’t even know what I added inside. Look at Cherrypaw! See the fire coming out of her ears?”she demands, pointing at Cherrypaw.
This page makes me laugh so hard sometimes!!! <3
“I’m gwad woo wike it!” Dawnpaw yowls, still with the :3 face on. “Jwoin ush awytime!”
Hey, Dawny, why are you temporarily Dawnpaw/spirit?
Uhhhhh… I’ll tell you later? maybe?
Heeheehee…my act is good, isn’t it? 😛
Sunheart sat at the bar casually, enjoying the lapping of flames surrounding her. She grasped a slice of arson cheese with one hand, and sipped a mixture of flammable chemicals in the other hand. She narrowed her eyes at the crowd, then looked back at the cheese. “It’s been too long…” Sunheart murmured, studying the cheese. She flicked her gaze back at the crowd and singled a cat out. She pulled back her arm and launched the cheese at the cat. The bystander went reeling across the tavern and a malicious smile returned to Sunhearts face. “LONG LIVE ARSON!” she yowled, and raised her glass to the croud.
“A TOAST TO ARSON!!!!!” Flamepaw agrees, raising a glass of Arson Juice (copyright Barneytaxfraud Inc.).
“AND TAX EVASION AND ANARCHY!” Reedpaw adds, raising a delicate-stemmed wine glass of arson water.
“AND BETTA FISH!” exclaims Dawnpaw, yet again breaking everybody’s eardrums. “ALWAYS THE BETTA FISH AND CHRISTMAS TREES! OH YEAH, AND FLYING CATS!”
“AND SPICY JUICE!”
:DD
*Yes, spicy juice, of course*
“Arsssssssson…”Shiverpaw hissed, raising her glass of arson water plus wine into the air so that it sparkled. “After the water wins…”she murmured. “Arson forever!”
Nightpaw comes in eyes wide “What is going on”, she meows she is more of a rule follower…but really fun
“Please don’t ask.” Sunflight said. She turned towards the on going food fights as cats began approaching them. “Too late.”
Sunflight giggled. “These pyromaniacs really need to get organized. Like, they need a supreme arsonist. I mean, come on.” She turned and asked the bartender for some chips and guac.
“Really. Those crazy arson cats need more politics if they are trying to like, take over the world and turn it towards arson and tax fraud.” she muttered.
nope.
I’ve been trying 😐
“No! I stand with the Arsonists! No government!” Scorchmist yells, “Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!”
“ANARCHY! ANARCHY!”
The door bursts open and Skypaw walks in after months of not checking the Hazelpage. (;-;) “HI EVERYONE!” she shouts. “GUESS WHAT- ARSON EARBUDS AND T-SHIRTS ARE AVAILABLE NOW AT SKYSHIMMERTHEGREAT.COM! ONLY 4.99$ PLUS TAX! FIRST THREE BUYERS GET A FREE ARSON PLUSHIE!”
Skypaw leaves, but as she’s about to pass the door, she whispers “Oh, and, there’s a quiz that you need to take to get the stuff.”
Everyone looks at their cell phones, ready to take the test, only to see that the first three questions are
1. Do you like arson?
2. What is your opinion on Skyshimmer? and
3. Is -shimmer the best suffix?
Skypaw grins mischievously and exits, leaving everyone in suspense. Suddenly, a Skyshimmer-shaped puppet pops onto the screen and waves its arms, screaming “SUSPENSE! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!” with a distinguished British accent.
1. Yeah
2. You’re cool
3. It’s defiantly up there
1. YES OF COURSE I LIKE ARSON IT’S THE MOST AMAZING THING SINCE SLICED BREAD OR WHATEVER THE HECK THAT SAYING IS LEVNLENFCDLKVCNDLCNDV
2. You’re amazing and a wonderful arsonist <3
3. Nah, -spirit obviously is /j (I do love the suffix -shimmer!! <3)
YES!!!!!!!!!
Well she’s nice and a great writer
No, whisper and wind rule! But shimmer is okay…