The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Pantherpaw opens the door and enters, trying to comprehend what she is witnessing.
Mallowpaw blinks at Pantherpaw. “Join the club,” he grumbles, the only thing he is able to comprehend being the constant Taylor Swift songs that erupts from his cheese cave. He takes a bite of his shrimp-and-lemon cracker. “Now there’s a spaceship or something??? And I have to go through a maze just to get a shrimp cracker…”
Sandi was in the background curling her tail around herself in the midst of chaos. She licked her chest-fur, the gazed at Pantherpaw. “There’s nothing happening here, really.” She dodged a flaming waffle and then continued. “Just a casual waffle and pancake war.”
Then her calm demeanor vanished and her eyes turned crazy. “WAFFLES FOR THE WINNN!!” She screamed, then grabbed her waffle cannon and shot it at all the pancake supporters.
Wiffi blinks, unsettled. She twitches her ear and stiffens. “Is that…?” She springs to her paws and rears up on her hind legs. “TWENTY TWOO, OOh OOH O-OOH HOOO. FEELING LIKE… TWANTY TWOOOOUUUUUUU!”
Hazypaw materializes and smiles. “It’s been awhile.” she murmurs at the familiar chaos. “by the way, its grAy.” She said and disappeared again
“How about gray waffles?” Mallowpaw asks, trying to combine two debates into one.
“No, gray waffles are sad,” CloudPaw meows, then disappears (again)
“No, grEy pancakes are sad! Gray waffles are amazing!” Sols laughs into thin air since Clouds has disappeared.
“YES, IT IS GRAY!” Foampaw cheers, catching a thrown pancake and eating it.
Icemeadow opened the front door, and walked in hesitantly, pausing his music, removing his earbuds, and lowering his hood. It had certainly been… a long time, since he had visited the hazelpage. “Too long,” he muttered to himself. He felt many emotions. Joy, nostalgia, and… was that regret? Perhaps. Perhaps not. One thing was for sure: At some point, he just… stopped coming. Even if he had stopped being able to enter long before that. He wasn’t shocked, as he watched the chaos unfold in front of him. Though he was pleasantly surprised to see waffles and pancakes flying back and forth. It reminded him of the first time he ever came here. He smiled. Perhaps he would join in later. For now, he needed a recap. He approached the nearest person, pulling down his scarf as he prepared to speak. “Hi there! Do you think you could give me a quick summary of everything that’s happened here in the past, say…” he paused, and looked down at his watch, which, in addition to telling the time, also shows the weather and date. “Four months?”
Mallowpaw looked up from his cheese cave. “Sure, although I’m not very refreshed on Hazelpage lore either,” Mallowpaw says, hardly able to speak through the sound of You Belong With Me from his cheese cave. “So this place burnt down for a while, but we got it back up somehow. Then there was a whole thing about shrimp crackers,” Mallowpaw stops to take a bite of his shrimp-and-lemon cracker. “And there was a snow war around Christmas, and people started spraying coke everywhere for some reason. And Dawnwind I think had a shop, but that got buried in snow.” He licks his dark silver paw. “And the pancake-waffle war and the gray-grey war have been going on for a while now. My cheese cave is practically buried in pancakes.” Mallowpaw looks anxiously at his cave of mixed Swiss-cheddar cheese. “And of course Taylor Swift has been constantly playing through everything. And if you want a shrimp cracker, then you have to go through a maze in the cabinet over there. Oh, and Deftfoot brought a spaceship here.” Mallowpaw flicks his bushy tail over to a cabinet at a corner of the Hazelpage.
“Thanks, that’s really helpful!” Icemeadow replied. “That’s a cool cheese cave, by the way.” He decided to find a place to sit, and get a hot chocolate. He grinned. It was good to be back.
This is going to be completely off topic, random, and unnecessary, but i love your profile name thing. Swiftiepaw salutes you, Lord of Taylor Swift.
“Pancake/Waffle war, Grey/Gray war, and shrimp crackers—also a few illegal chip brands flying back and forth,” shrugged Reedpaw from the sidelines. “Plus a healthy dose of chaos. And a deprivation of arson jokes.”
“Thanks!” Icemeadow replied. “That’s good to know.”
“WE ALL KNOW WAFFLES AND GRAAAAY ARE THE ONLY CORRECT ANSWERS!!!!!” Flamilton yells from where she’s smacking pancake supporters with a waffle while playing Go Fish for money. “But RIP arson jokes. They are always missed.” they sigh, looking at the only remaining arson mural the renovating dodos didn’t find, a beautiful image of Barney the Purple Dinosaur with fire everywhere, and is that… King George III in the corner? Yep, probably.
it has been found now.🥺 >:((
“I know you’ve been informed by others,” Sols adds as she comes up to Icemeadow, “but I’ll give a recap anyway — basically there’s a bunch of wars going on right now (gray and waffles are superior by the way, haha) and yeah, like Malls said, this place shut down for awhile. It’s good to have you back, though, Ice — I’m sure you’ll have an awesome (though rather chaotic) time here!”
“I appreciate you telling me anyway!” Icemeadow says, as he takes a sip from his hot chocolate. “Thanks for welcoming me back, Sols.”
“Sure thing, bud! Just a warning, though: the wars can get pretty… yeah, I’d just stay out of the way.” Sols gives a light chuckle and then melts into the shadows, playing My Chemical Romance on her boombox that she’s just summoned.
Flamilton stares at the boombox that looks suspiciously like her own that vanished out of thin air.
Emberpaw comes in. “HEY PEOPLE WASSAP? HAVEN’T BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE BUT YEAH COOL.”
“You are NOT ready for my swag!” Sols quotes a trailer she loves as she walks up to Embs. “What’s up, other cool person?”
Icemeadow teleports behind Emberpaw, only to walk in front of them. “Hello! How’s it going?” He asks.
“I think all the books got destroyed by snow… I need to build a library in my cheese fortress!” Mallowpaw says. He spend the next few minutes building a library out of cheese inside the walls of his cheese fortress. The books are made of cheese, as are the shelves. “Cheese books for the win!” Mallowpaw says as he adds the last book to the library.
Icemeadow walks up to mallowpaw. “Can I borrow a copy of, uh…” he looks down at his watch, which also tells him which warriors book he’s currently on. “Thunder And Shadow?” He asks, trying his hardest not to devour the nearby books.
Mallowpaw nods, smiling. My cheese library is attracting guests! “Sure!” He says. Mallowpaw turns around and searches on the shelf for Thunder & Shadow. Sun Trail, Thunder Rising, First Battle… Path of Stars… Crowfeather’s Trial… Ah, here it is! Now, I wonder if I can steal their watch? Mallowpaw hands Icemeadow the cheese version of Thunder & Shadow. “This one’s good, trust me.” Don’t spoil it for them, please, me. Mallowpaw thinks. “Please return it by December 46th, -537.”
“Thanks, Mate!” Icemeadow says. He then walks over to the nearest seat, and sits down, preparing to read.
Spiritflight, still on the couch after a month or so, grumbles into a magic microphone she grabbed out of nowhere…
“I eat not just ANY toast…buttered toast. It must be churned. Get to work.”
Flamilton hides in a corner with her stockpile of sticks of butter that she’s been eating one by one. It’s okay, she tells herself, still eating some butter, they’ll never find you or your butter… They proceed to build a wall of cheese and waffles around his corner and goes to listen to Hamilton in peace while eating butter.
Koi gets a board that looks like Cedarsplash and shouts, “I HAVE YOUR CHILD HOSTAGE. LET EVERYONE FREEEEEEEEEE”
then she eats some buttered toast and gives some to CardboardCedarSplash. “See buttered toast is supreme.” Then she erases herself from everyone’s mind as she is the middle child ;^;
Mallowpaw sits in his cheese cave, licking his fluffy paws, when a waffle being used as a chakram flies through the Swiss/cheddar/mozerella cave, cutting a sharp slit in part of it. “Hey!!!” Mallowpaw snaps, angry. “I’m on your side!!!” But suddenly Mallowpaw realizes something. if waffles are this dangerous accidentally, who knows what pancakes could do if used to intentionally sabotage my cheese cave? Mallowpaw shakes his head. He cannot let his cheese cave get destroyed. A cheese cave is not enough. I need more cheese if I am to withstand the waffle-pancake war. His holly-green eyes glinting with determination, Mallowpaw spends the next few days building a cheese fortress. It has walls of solid cheddar and tall towers of mozerella, with nothing inside except spare cheese and a heavily guarded (by cheese) Taylor Swift music player. “Now try to pancake me!” Mallowpaw sneers. He hides in his cheese fortress.
“Wow,” Hollypaw stares in amazement. “That is awesome. I’M INVADING.”
“Yes!” Leopardpaw mews, materializing in front of Hollypaw. “I’m invading too! You wanna Cheeto? I stole it from the cave.”
“Yes, THANK YOU!” she gobbles it down. “Let’s steal more!
CloudPaw reappears, and summons a baked potato.
But not just any baked potato. IT IS; A BAKED POTATO, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, and on and on.
She smiles, and asked, “Does anybody want to play Hot BAKED POTATO, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, that came from a potato, which came from a potato, and that came from a potato, which by the way, came from a potato, and on and on?”
“Sure, I’ll play!” Icemeadow, who loves potatos, shouts from across the room.
Swiftiepaw sniffs, unimpressed. “Hmph. I’ll only play if it’s signed by Taylor Swift. Otherwise, it’s contaminated.”
“well, the potato it came from, which was in Spain, which came from a potato from Japan, which came from a potato in Russia, which came from a potato in Israel, which came from a potato from Turkey, which came from a potato in Mongolia, which came from a potato in China, which came from a potato deep in the southern Atlantic Ocean, which came from a potato in Disneyland, which came from a potato signed by Taylor Swift in Hollywood- so sorta?” CloudPaw says.
Wiffi frowns doubtfully. “Well, I suppose it’s grade J in the Taylor Swift scheme of things, so I suppose it’s the best we’ll get. Let’s do it!” She jumps to her paws… and immediately gets whacked by a Swiss cheese copy of Path of Stars. Wiffi sits down grumpily and rubs her face. “That didn’t go the way I wanted it to.”
“I’m going to bite someone if people keep throwing my books,” Mallowpaw grumbles angrily.
Koileaf cries because she is feeling overwhelmed by work her nonexistant mentor, Hardschool gave her.
“Selling smart brains for ₩3,000!! Except Polarecho gets one free because yeaaa”
She eats a bunch of strawberry ice cream while bawling her eyes out about mentors and work and hunting crouches
Swiftiepaw took in a shuddering breath, put up her hood, and slipped inside the door. She had to immediately duck to avoid a cheese copy of Thunder and Shadow. She pressed against the wall, quaking. She gasped as suddenly she was grabbed by the arm by…
… Koipaw. “Be careful! There are cheese copies of books flying everywhere, from cheddar to swiss!” She shuddered. “You can’t even READ the swiss cheese ones…”
She swiftly takes Swiftiepaw into her græy aebleskiver den. “This land is neutral,” she whispered. Koipaw opens a waffle window and stares out onto the battlefield. “This place is stocked with pancakes, aebleskivers, waffles, and salt and vinegar chips. Mostly salt and vinegar chips.”
Mallowpaw gasps in shock and, putting his reading glasses on and mutating another toe and claw solely for shushing people, glares at Icemeadow. “Did you throw my book?” He asks suspiciously. “Or is this page just a constant hurricane-waiting-to-happen? Either way, I’m going to go celebrate Taylor Swift’s new album.”
“No, I’ve got it right here.” Icemeadow said, holding up his cheese copy of Thunder and Shadow. “Speaking of, I just finished it, so could you take it off my hands? The temptation to take a bite is becoming too strong.” It was taking all of his willpower to refrain from devouring the entire thing right then and there. He set it gently on a nearby table, and quickly darted away. Finally, he was free from the cheese lover’s curse. “Enjoy your album!” He shouts from across the room.
Mallowpaw takes the book and puts it back on his library shelf. But the cheese is too enticing. StarClan help me, Mallowpaw thinks as he eats the cheese book. “I sure hope no one is on Thunder & Shadow anytime,” Mallowpaw says out loud.
Wiffi shivers and nods. “Thanks, Koipaw. The graey battle is scary.” She stiffens as she digests Mallowpaw’s words. “YUS! THE NEW ALBUM!” Wiffi breaks into dance, which encompasses the floss, the macarena, and some vigorous tail wagging.
Side note: How are you going to fit ‘The tortured Poet’s Department’ into your profile name thing??
“I’m not,” he sighs in defeat. “Why did she have to choose the longest possible album name?”
Swiftiepaw thinks hard for a moment. “All right, I may have a solution.” She puffs out her chest. A computerized voice says, “Dramatic voice enabled.”
Wiffi inhales and begins speaking theatrically. “FeArLeSs MaLlOwPaW, who will EVERMORE be PonderinG FolkLore he RED in the TORtuRED PoEt’s Department, and who will NOT speak NOW about his LOVER’s RepuTation in 1989.”
Wiffi stops and blinks expectantly at Mallowpaw, who is still looking very sad. “Will that work?”
She whips around to face Autumnpaw. “I know you, I think,” Wiffi meows. “From what I can tell, it’s gray/grey, pancake/waffles, and Mallowpaw’s cheese-books. Oh, and Icemeadow has a cool watch I wanna steal with Mallowpaw. Wanna help?”
Icemeadow narrows his eyes, and backs away slowly from mallowpaw and swiftiepaw, sheltering his watch from view like a beloved pet.
Wiffi snarls and charges, brandishing a waffle. “FACE THE WIFFI WAFFLE OF FURY!” she screams. She stops and stiffens. “Actually, I’ll attack later, because my waffle supply is low. See you later, Icey!”
“Eep!” Icemeadow shouts as swiftiepaw charges him. “See you later,” He says as they leave. Icemeadow checks his watch. “10 days without starting a war…” he mumbles to himself. “I think that’s a new record.” Still, a war he had started. Or perhaps joined. One can never really tell on the hazelpage. Still, a war was a war, and he had to prepare. He was outnumbered, two to one. He needed allies. He suddenly jumps onto the nearest table, dodging a rogue pancake, and shouts, holding up his watch: “does anyone want to help me protect this awesome watch? There are certain… people, after it.” He looks at mallowpaw and swiftiepaw as he says this.
“Unfortunately that’s too long of a name, according to WordPress.” Mallowpaw answers, looking even more depressed then AVoS Rowanclaw. “But yes I would like to help steal the watch from Icemeadow. As long as we stay away from Foampaw,” Mallowpaw says as he looks in resignment at Foampaw, who is talking about pancakes.
It’s too long? Hold up lemme try
Wiffi is too confused to use quotation marks
Wiffi pops back up, emerging from Mallowpaw’s cheese-cave. “So, it works, for me at least. So… um… can I steal your profile name idea? just cuz i kinda like it :D”
Suddenly, Foampaw materializes behind the dark grAy cat. “Hey there- I want that watch.” they mew, poking Mallowpaw. “Do what you wish- but just remember i was a member of PickpocketClan way back when.”
Autumnpaw slips into the den, widening her eyes when she saw Swiftiepaw breaking into dance in front of her. “What in the name of-” She got cut off when a piece of cheese flew past her.
Wiffi snorts. “From what I can tell, you’ll need to do that approximately every five minutes to avoid becoming decapitated.” Without warning, she sticks out her arm and grabs a hunk of flying white stuff. Wiffi sniffs and promptly horfs it, belching. “MMM. Gouda!”
Autumnpaw ducked as another piece of cheese almost smacked her in the face.
“I don’t even LIKE cheesee, or Taylor Swift,” she muttered as she watched a small piece of cheese slam into someone, making them collapse and get covered with the cold, lactose-intolerant-people’s-nightmare.
Wiffi narrowed her eyes to menacing slits. SHe jerked her muzzle toward Autumnpaw and snarled. “YOU DON’T LIKE TAY TAY!?” she shrieked disbelievingly. “Disgraceful.” She looked once more at Autumnpaw’s bewildered face. “I am going to walk away before I cry. Good day.”
“I didn’t know that Taylor Swift was so popularrrr” Autumnpaw wailed. “wait a minute-“
Koi looks at Autumnpaw sadly. “I’m in the graey zone. I don’t dislike Taylor Swift but I don’t even listen to her music that much.” Then she flies away into a dark corner, never to be found again by Wiffi
Wiffi frowns. “Goodbye strange cat. It was nice to know you.”
Queen Froggo hesitates to enter her kimgdom, she had been away for a while in The United States of Blogbreakian. She looks out at the war of waffles or pancakes. And the battle of grEy or grAy. She turnes her frown upside down, jumps into the spotlight and starts singing in Hamilton.
🎵🎶WHAT DID I MISS? WHAT DID I MISS? BACK TO MY SWEET HOMETOWN VIRGINIA, WANNA GIVE YOU ALL A KISS! I’VE BEEN IN BLOGBREAKIAN MEETING DIFFERENT LADIES, GUESS I’VE TECHNICALLY MISS THE LATE 80S. IVE TRAVELED THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD AND CAME BACK TO THIS!🎶🎵
Foampaw slams the door open, equipped with a grAy sweater and grAystripe figures/grenades. (don’t worry, they only spill out grAy fluff when exploded, temporarily blinding enemies with its fluffy grAytness.)
“GUESS WHAT? PANCAKES ARE BETTER!” He yowls, racing into battle while putting on his grAy helmet.
Koi follows Foampaw, with grAy body armor made for cats, and calmly explodes into waffle sandwiches with pancakes smooshed between. Before reincarnating in a grAy spot of the Hazelpage. Then she melts into the wall and reappears 3 levels above before stating, “It’s grAy.”
Goldenbrook ascends through the floorboards. “What is this place?”
Mallowpaw eyes Goldenbrook through cheese binoculars. “Don’t throw my books!” He hisses, but then realizes that Goldenbrook comes in peace and springs off his cheese tower. “A place of constant wars over nothing,” Mallowpaw answers as another waffle being used as a chakram slices through his delicately built cheese fortress. “And pure chaos.”
Goldenbrook takes the cheese and munches on a piece. *cronch.*
Delectable.
I am an agent of chaos.
“A place of war.” Foampaw teleports beside the feline next to them. “Well, at least at the moment. Hope you don’t like waffles.” they whisper, giving Golden a grAy shield. “Oh, you’ll need that.”
Goldenbrook hefts up a large shield from the oblivion.
“Thanks, I brought my own.” She takes a bite. “Ow.”
“The Hazelpageeee!” Leopardpaw yelled, hiding somewhere in the …ceiling boards? “Which side are you on? The pancakes or the waffles? What are your personal opinions of the color graey? Do you want a cheeto?”
“I am on the side of chaos. Though I must say- ’tis gray, if ye disagree, melt into the floorboards.”
She eyes him. “I will absolutely take a cheeto”
“Oh, absolutely!” She mews, climbing out of her secret hiding spot in the rafters, handing Goldenbrook a cheeto. “But I gotta say, gray and grey really aren’t that different.”
“It’s this awesome place where you can drink the best hot chocolate, eat awesome food, and probably start a few wars while you’re at it!” Icemeadow says.
… “This place? oh, it’s where cats throw cheese books, waffles, pancakes, which version of gray they think’s right, have to go through a maze to get shrimp crackers, and be extremely dramatic even thought they don’t have to be. So, basically your worst nightmare,” Cloudo says casually as she nibbles on a piece of purple pancake.
EVIL Queen Froggo looks at the pours and gasps, “MWAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH”
Recent Purrs
🐸🏈 Frogpaw/sparkle is on her super bowl COUNTDOWN! 🏈🐸||#your average bengals fan rooting for the 49ers🙃|| she/her|| 🏈SUPERBOWL COUNTDOWN🏈: 2 DAYS! on Fan Fiction
🐸🏈 Frogpaw/sparkle is on her super bowl COUNTDOWN! 🏈🐸||#your average bengals fan rooting for the 49ers🙃|| she/her|| 🏈SUPERBOWL COUNTDOWN🏈: 2 DAYS! on Fan Fiction
🐸🏈 Frogpaw/sparkle is on her super bowl COUNTDOWN! 🏈🐸||#your average bengals fan rooting for the 49ers🙃|| she/her|| 🏈SUPERBOWL COUNTDOWN🏈: 2 DAYS! on BlogClan Tavern
🐸🏈 Frogpaw/sparkle is on her super bowl COUNTDOWN! 🏈🐸||#your average bengals fan rooting for the 49ers🙃|| she/her|| 🏈SUPERBOWL COUNTDOWN🏈: 2 DAYS! on BlogClan Tavern
🐸🏈 Frogpaw/sparkle is on her super bowl COUNTDOWN! 🏈🐸||#your average bengals fan rooting for the 49ers🙃|| she/her|| 🏈SUPERBOWL COUNTDOWN🏈: 2 DAYS! on BlogClan Tavern
Holz throws a waffle into Froggo’s face. “CHIEFS FOR THE WIN!”
Flamilton excitedly watches the waffle fight unfold, laughing at the audacity of having a favorite football team.
Koi laughs along with Flam while eating salt and vinegar chips and reading Shadow
Wiffi brandishes an intricate waffle-sword and slices thin air. “There’s no point arguing. Some people just don’t understand the luck of the Swifties. The forty-niners don’t stand a chance. I just have to survive my dad’s fury when they lose,” she mutters. “He’s from there, so HE doesn’t understand the luck of Taylor Swift. And besides, he hates the Chief’s quarterback. Anyway, he’s weird.” Wiffi does an elaborate trick with her sword, nearly impaling the nearby Mallowpaw. “CHIEFS FOR THE WIN!” she cries, and runs into a mob of cats.
Koi blinks at her blankly. “Wha-
uh-
why-”
She closes her mouth, unable to comprehend why people are so obsessed with sports teams and music and boyfriends
Leopardpaw sits next to her, silently agreeing that Koi is most definitely right, that all of those things really aren’t that special.
Flamilton also agrees enthusiastically, eating a stick of butter while watching everyone fight over who will win the Super Bowl.
Koi blinks at Flam
“How’d you find so much butter after the Great Butter Eating of -1890? I thought it went extinct, at least in the wild..”
“I have my ways,” she grins evilly. “Namely genetically modifying toast.” they cackle.
Foampaw stands up. “CHEIFS ARE THE BEST! GO KANSAS!” they screech.