The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Koi starts singing a ritual in ancient Egyptian as she draws a cat face in the Hazelpage flooring.
“RANDOM HYROGLYPHICS RANDOM HYROGLYPHICS DUN DUN DUN”
She drops in the middle a pancake-waffle-sausage sandwich.
“MORE RANDOM ANCIENT WORDS DUN DUN DUN”
They place a catnip-colored crayon in the middle as well.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH PAGE FLIP!!”
Sparks fly everywhere as the catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich catastrophe lights on fire and all the lights turn off.
Edit: OMG IT WORKED MWAHAHAHAHA I AM THE CAT FROM GOOGLE DOODLES!!!!1!1111!1!
“woahhhh” leppo yells, accidentally chucking her giant catnip crayon across the room. “thats so cool!!! a catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich god!!”
Koi bows in a majestic way.
“Straight from Ancient Egyptian hyroglyphics!! And with catnip-flavored Rice Krispies!!”
“WOAH! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!” Roxy tries dodging the many objects. 😛
Koi begins levitating off the ground as everything flies around her :p
“I KNEW IT!” Alasquirt shouts triumphantly, still drowning cutely in the magical water Leafpaw shot them into. “I knew it! The page would never flip without crayons!”
Koi bows. “Well I had to include everything so I wasn’t attacked by catnip/crayon/gray/grey/pancake/waffle supporters,” they mew.
“The prophecy has come true…” Mousebrain utters, eyes wide in shock. “The chosen one, the cat who draws random hieroglyphics to kill ghosts from the Halloween 2016+2020 Google Doodles has arrived once more!” Mousebrain utters, quiet as a whisper, before experiencing quantum transfiguration at the hands of the immortal prophesied beast (the cat’s name is Momo btw).
(AHHH SOMEONE REMEMBERS!!! and I was too lazy to search her up haha :p and Sils (Silverpaw/spirit) will kill me if she sees that name but she shall never know…. :p)
“Imma just steal that catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich real quick!” Leafpaw says as she runs away with it. “You may or may not ever see it again!”
“Nooooo my delicious ancient catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage sandwich!!!”
Leafpaw hides in an alley and takes a bite. “Ew, there’s sand in my precious catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich! You can take it back!” Leafpaw throws the catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich at Koi and quickly runs away.
Koi catches it and starts creating a ritual to multiply the sandwich so she can start a business :p
Icemeadow has to grab his scarf as it almost gets blown away. “You are too powerful,” he says to Koipaw, stunned by their page-flipping strength.
oop I knew it it was spelled “hieroglyphics,” I thought something looked wrong :p
Leafpaw quickly posts flyers in every nook and cranny of the Hazelpage. The flyers say ‘Come join the wonderful catnip army for free catnip! Catnip is the best and will destroy all! JOIN US OR YOU MORTALS SHALL BE ANNIHILATED!‘
She patiently waits for new soldiers to come.
“Ooh, sounds fun!” Roxy smuggles in a crayon. 😛
“Welcome! Just sign this 1,000 page contract to show your undying loyalty!” Leafpaw hands Roxy the contract and pushes some catnip towards her. “Free catnip for the duration of the war if you join!”
“Oh uh… uhm… yes!” Roxy quickly tosses the crayon aside and signs the contract in catnip.
Icemeadow teleports behind Leafpaw with a flyer in his hand. “Mind if I join your army?” He asks.
“YES YES YES, WELCOME ICY!” Leafpaw quickly grabs the contract and a few Squirtlegunbreeze5000s. “Here you go! Just sign this and start aiming for the triple H’s and crayon lovers!”
Flamilton silently watches from the shadows, writing all of their battle plans on a sparkly pink Alastor notepad with a feathery quill pen as seen in Hamilton. Diabolical, they think, sinking back into the shadows to warn their comrades of this treachery.
Icemeadow signs the contract, after making sure to read all of the fine print. He begins laughing maniacally as he chases down everyone in his path, dual-wielding Squirtlegunbreeze5000s.
“I leave for 5 minutes and there’s already a thousand new wars,” Amberpaw says approvingly as she sips her hot chocolate. “Thumbs up to the team with the most catnip.”
{ Uh oh, page flip >:) }
“Hey Ammie, would you like to join my catnip army?” Leafpaw asks, bringing the 1,000 page contract. “All you have to do is sign this! Don’t worry, catnip is the strongest thing ever and we shall definitely win!”
“Hmmm, intriguing. Um,” Ammie squints at the paper. “I’m not 18 or older. I’ll join anyways! It doesn’t matter that I’m obviously not 18 yet. I can sign. I think.”
“Age doesn’t matter in this war! Only your undying love for catnip!” Leafpaw gives Ammie catnip. “NOW LET’S FIGHT IN A WAR!!!”
“waIT!” Flamilton screeches, appearing out of thin air despite the fact that they were just chilling in the Triple-H Fortress. “Why don’t you join the *far* superior side of this war?” they grin, brandishing an even fancier-looking contract than those cursed catnip supporters (/lhj) AND a super duper fancy Hamilton-style quill. And, as if to seal the deal, Flamilton whispers, “We have cookies…”
Meanwhile, back at the fortress, Alasquirt Squirtington is munching on some of the magical cookies Flamilton was talking about. “Well, took forever for me to stop drowning, but I’m alive!” They shout to nobody, unaware that Flamilton had teleported away.
Trying to be better than her competition, she brings out a giant cookie. “Look, it’s a cookie with catnip inside! And…” she whispers, holding out her contract. “it has a super special secret ingredient that prevents you from having stress during tests! It also gives you a better score on schoolwork!” *this has not been tested yet*
“ooooooh, cookies!” Amberpaw looks at the contract Flamilton gave her. “Hmmmmm.” she stares at the contract. “Sure, ok.” she signs it and stares at Flamilton. “What was that about cookies?”
“Huzzah!” Flamilton cheers, grinning like a madman. “Right this way, my good man!” he gestures toward the Triple-H Fortress, where there is a wall full of the world’s finest selections of cookies. But no oatmeal raisin. NEVER oatmeal raisin. As in Flamilton’s mind, oatmeal raisin cookies are an unforgivable crime /j
“NO!” Leafpaw cries, defeated. “WE HAVE UNLIMITED CATNIP COOKIESSS!” As she is ignored, she grabs her brainwashing machine. “I guess I have to do this the
more funhard way then!”“Hard pass,” Flamilton smiles, “But we do have a sale on rubber ducks today! Buy 3 get 72 free!”
“Ooh, I shall steal them all!” Leafpaw quickly steals them all and brings them back to her base. When she gets there, she fills them all with catnip. “MWAHAHAHAHHAAH!” she yowls randomly.
*sits up rapidly from coma, rubbing eyes frantically*
“W-what’s this about catnip? How long have I been gone?” Reedpaw stands up cautiously, brushing herself off. “What happened to the græy wars? And the wancake rebellion?”
Robo heads over. “…..How long have you been out?”
Koi sobs with her. “It’s been 7 years!! I thought they were gone for good!” *laughs in reference-idk-why-im-using-it-but-i-feel like-it*
…
…
“But I restarted them.”
Koi laughs maliciously as fireworks appear behind her in a spectacular display of drama.
“Also what happened to the old Hazelpage queen…??? Time to slide over to her sps and invite her back!!”
You were not in a coma-
You were in a comma
:p
Roxy grins. “We’re free!” She cries, shaking Reedpaw like crazy!
“also, are you okay? A coma sounds pretty serious.. 😛”
“No idea who you are, but would you like to join my catnip army?” Leafpaw asks, shaking Reedpaw’s paw very harshly. “Just sign this contract and gain ✨free catnip✨ for the rest of the war!”
Ghostpaw rolled her eye. “Oh come on. Crayons? Everyone knows that Catnip is better!” *throws catnip onto the crayon-supporters*
“Ooh, we got a catnip supporter?” Leafpaw asks, her eyes wide as she somehows is at Ghostpaw’s side in 0.001 seconds. “Would you like to join my wonderful army? You get free catnip if you join!”
“IM IN!!!” Ghostpaw screeches.
“WELCOME!!!” Leafpaw yowls, delighted that her army is growing. “JUST TAKE THIS SQUIRTLEGUNBREEZE5000 AND SOME CATNIP!!”
“Whee! I want free catnip!!!” Roxy catches all the catnip and hides it away.
“HAIL CATNIP!!!”
I hiss wanna play this game Ghostpaw I grab my flamethrower and set all cat-nip on fire and run off and hid in my secret base
Fallowpaw makes some more of her amazing crayon bombs and starts firing at team catnip. ‘CRAYONS SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE!!!!’, she yells.
“NO, CATNIP SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE!” Leafpaw yowls as she throws catnip bombs. “ALL HAIL CATNIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP”
CRAYONS Firepaw sets all cat-nip on fire and all the cat-nip tires
A huge monster truck runs down the door to the Hazelpage as loud music blasts from it. Koi appears, wearing sunglasses.
“HI EVERYONE!!” they shout, the music too loud for them to be able to just talk.
“I’M STARTING A CATNIP-CRAYON-PANCAKE-WAFFLE-SAUSAGE-SANDWICH FOOD TRUCK!!!”
The monster truck morphs into a food truck as tables appear, floating on the flooded Hazelpage that everyone forgot about ( :p ). The menu says, ‘catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwich —> ₡20 (20 catnip) ₢20 (20 crayon) ₱20 (20 pancake), ₩20 (20 waffle)’
“PAY WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING!!” Koi shouts, looking majestically at the catnip-crayon war
“OOH, I’LL TAKE SOME!” Leafpaw yowls as she quickly runs over with heaps of stuff. “HERE IS SOME STUFF THAT I TOTALLY DID NOT STEAL FROM THE OTHER TEAMS!” She hands Koi ₢500, ₱200, and ₩560.
“GIVE. ME. THE. UHHH. EVERYTHING.” Eclipsepaw yells, taking the stuff and throwing it everywhere.
Silverdusk materialises out of thin air and gobbles down a sausage wrapped up in a waffle in two seconds flat.
Koi loads the cannon of everything she has and lights it with a catnip match, since catnip is flammable as of now :p the food flies to Kli and lands on a huge platter
Kli doesn’t know what to do with the food so she throws it and the platter back.
Mallowpaw calmly emerges with the cheese version of New Moon in his hand. He takes out ₡537, his current change, and gives ₡200 for 200 pieces of catnip. He also takes a sausage but doesn’t pay for it. “Thanks!” Mallowpaw says, nodding, as he dips the sausage in tea and eats it.
Koi swims in her money of catnip and pancakes and waffles
“I’ll take everything!” Fernpaw yowled, snatched everything and took off running, dropping some catnip as she pounced away.
Leafpaw quickly picks up the catnip that Ferny Potato (i am also calling you that now >:D) dropped and starts bringing it to her secret base. “MWAHAHAHAH!” she yowls as a new plan formed in her head. “I SHALL PICK UP EVERYTHING THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE LEFT BEHIND, AND THEN ROB THEM OF THEIR SUPPLIES!!”
Mallowpaw thinks up a devious scheme. Taking a shrimp cracker from the maze cabinet, and putting a piece of catnip inside it, Mallowpaw takes his remaining 199 catnip and heads to the inside of his cheese fortress. Turning on I Can Do It With A Broken Heart on his cheese radio, Mallowpaw enters a secret cheese room by pushing away a shelf in his cheese library. He takes out a mini-cauldron and puts the catmint inside, then throws several candles in as well. He brews his concoction and fully blends the candle wax and the catnip together. He then freezes the wax-catnip mix and takes pieces of it, and welds them in the shape of a crayon. Smiling deviously, Mallowpaw puts a pale yellow wrapper that says Crayon; catnip flavored. He reclaims Dawnwind’s old shop and takes ten of these catnip crayons and puts them on the shelf, hiding the rest. “Calling all crayon or catnip supporters! Come get the new catnip flavored crayon!” Mallowpaw screams.
Alasquirt hears the screaming announcement and runs faster than ever to Mallowpaw. “NO WAY! PLEASE! I NEED THIS!” They beg, getting down to their knees. “Look! I’ll… I’ll give you my latest supply of my upgraded Squirtlegunbreeze’s; Leafpaw doesn’t even know! I give you- the Squirtlegunbreeze6000+Caffeine!” They gasp for breath as they pause their excitement in talking and then continue. “Powered ultimately by solar caffeine, you never have to refill this baby up! Just fill it up once, and the solar caffeine keeps it there forever, where it’s shot or not! Because, obviously, that’s how solar caffeine works!” They gasp for breath again as they finish talking and change their voice to businesscat. “So, whaddaya say, Malls? My whole seventy-two supply for 3/4 of your crayon supply?
Mallowpaw calculates in his head. “Well, Leafpaw took the original ten. I’ll get the rest of my supply.” He pulls out 189 catnip crayons and multiplies that by .75. “Here is 141.75 catnip crayons!” Mallowpaw says, giving Squirtpaw 141.75 catnip crayons. He takes seventy two Squirtlegunbreeze6000+Caffeines.
Leafpaw quickly runs by the catnip-flavored crayon shop and eats all of them in one gulp. “You’ll have to be better than that!” she yowls as she runs away.
Alasquirt magically teleports in the middle of a battlefield, empty… at the moment. They glance around to ensure nobody is watching, then secretly and mischievously coats the entire area with their toxic orange juice. “This place reeks of juice, there’s a chillllll in the air…” they mutter, a wide grin on their face. They begin to cackle. “Any catnip crew soldiers will have their fur melted!” They yowl evilly, slipping into the shadows to return to the Triple-H Fortress to warn the supremacy of their secret plan.
Leafpaw swiftly eats all of the orange juice, feeling dehydrated after eating all of Mallowpaw’s catnip-flavored crayons. “I AM INVINCIBLEEEE! NOTHING CAN STOP ME AND MY CATNIP ARMY! CATNIP FOREVERRRRRRR!”
When Alasquirt gets back, Robo tosses them cookies. “What’s going on out there?”
Alasquirt gratefully receives the cookies and munches on them hungrily. “I coated that one battlefield in toxic orange juice, but I’m making armor to repel it, so don’t worry! We’ll be safe.” They smirk and continue munching on their cookies. “Mmm, what type are these? Crayon?”
“I JUST LISTENED TO THAT SONG,” Flamilton gasps, singing along because we all know that Alastor’s part of the finale is the best part.
EDIT: I still can’t get over how awesome the nickname Alasquirt is aaaaa 😭 Maybe one day I’ll be able to think of a smart Hazbin pun nickname lol 😛
Alasquirt laughs. “We’ll have to avoid that battlefield. I’ve constructed more armor from the real Squirtle’s shell. Here.” They toss a pair to Flamilton.
(I’ll ask my bestie Witheredpaw for suggestions, she came up with the nickname Alasquirt 😛 edit: SHE SUGGESTED FLUTE FOR A MIX OF FLAME AND LUTE 😭🤣)
FLUTE I LOVE THAT 😭 I HAVE BECOME AN INSTRUMENT :00
Wait wait I’ve got it!! ✨Flamegel✨ (it’s bad ik but my brain is at like 2% rn 😛 😛 )
Alassquirt good job now we can get ride of cat-nip sypporters
They bow. “Why thank you, Firey!”
lets team up and get all crayon lovers a destroy all cat-nip lovers
“PAGE FLIPPP!!!!”
Whoo!
“I need more catnip!!!” Fernpaw yowled, trying to stash all the food she stole. “I NEED MOREEE!!!”
Roxy gulps, back to the wall, and quickly shuffles away from her catnip-crazed yowling clan-mate.
Leafpaw spawns out of nowhere with a huge pile of catnip and hands it to Ferny Potato.
“here u go child” she says before magically disappearing again.
Mousebrain materializes and creates a money printer, causing hyperinflation and bringing the economy of The Hazelpage to its knees. “Mwahahaha!” Mousebrain cackles. “Catnip, Crayons, Waffles, Pancakes are all worthless now! Now people need to use my new cryptocurrency Mousecoin for all their financial transactions!”
“Whaaaaaat” >:0
“No wayyy! A new currency?? Paw-some!” Roxy cries.
“Well if this mouse-brain can create his own currency, i certainly can!” Renda yowls. “introducing Rosecoin! All the pancakes will be mine unless pancakes are paid for with Rosecoin!”
Rosecoin! YESS!!!
“HOW DARE YOU???” Leafpaw screeches with her 509324902348 piles of catnip. “CATNIP IS SUPERIOR TO ALL CURRENCY!” >:C
Kli starts flinging catnip and crayons everywhere and somehow ends up stuck to the wall with maple syrup. “Uhhhh….someone help?” She says, upside down while stuck on the whale.
Edit: WALL NOT WHALE AAAAHHH
“Sure!” Fernpaw meowed and jumped up trying to help, then got stuck in the maple syrup too. “oops” she blinked then began chewing her catnip. “might as well get comfy” she said, handing Kli some catnip
Fallowpaw licks all the maple syrup off so Ferny Potato and Eclipse are free again! Then she starts building a brainwashing machine out of crayons.
Mousebrain buys the brainwashing machine for 204.79₼c (Mousecoin). “This will be perfect for my plan…” Mousebrain says as he rubs his paws together suspiciously.
‘Ooooooh, what’s your plan???????’, Fallowpaw asks curiously.
“Word Domination”
“Well, sounds like you’re in a STiCky SItuATiON!” Cries Roxy.
she hears crickets. 😛
Leafpaw quickly eats all the crickets. Complete silence fills the area. “Oops,” she mumbled while chewing the DELICIOUS crickets.
Icemeadow, who is legally considered a cricket in 87 countries, laughs.
Kli somehow orders a package of crickets from Amazon and she starts flinging the crickets everywhere (wow she/I likes flinging things)