The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
“I HAVE BECOME MORE POWERFUL AFTER EP 2 OF TADC CAME OUT RAWWWWWW!” Roars Creamos as she makes the war more caotic
“There’s only two episodes?” Pumpkinpaw asks, shocked and confoozed. “Wow, must be really popular. Not as good as catnip, though.” She starts munching on some of her catnip.
“wELL Hamilton has a Disney+ movie AND sing-along, AND Hazbin has a confirmed season 2!” Flamilton laughs from the H Tower.
You mean the H’s Tower? Hazbin, Hamilton, and uh…[the other one] DOWN WITH THE VEES
Tbh the three H’s are Hamilton and Hazbin Hotel, ’cause we’re not creative enough to find a third H fandom lol 😭 😛
Harry Potter ofc!!! I bet it’s much better than Hamilstuff! STAR DESTROYERS, ATTAAAAAACK!!!
>:0000 nothing is better than HamilTON >:(((((((
>:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nothing is better than catnip >:CCCCCCCC
I think your autocorrect did something silly, I know you meant to say HAMILTON! 😊 /lhj
but my chromebook doesn’t have autocorrect :p
Won’t be on for a couple days, love you guys <333
What side is Robo on? Now it has less members and Darth Fallow can destroy it😈
“Wait, does that mean the cats who follow Darth Fallow are your ‘Fallowers’?” Ammie blinks, visibly confused.
um, i’m the one who created the Star Wars gang 😶
No, it was me!!!
“okay, now I’m really confused.”
You wish, peasant >:((( /lhj
yo but what if Robo was on the Star Wars side-
Then we just pretend Robo was on the catnip side! It’s warrrrrrr!!!!!!
DID FALLOW JUST ASSERY DOMINANCE OVER HER ALLY LORD SUNSHROOM?!
“GUYS MY HYPERFIXATION HAS MUTATED!! I’M NOW OBSESSED WITH THE CLOVER ALBUM LORE!” Foampaw announced.
“WHOEVER KNOWS WHAT THAT IS WITHOUT GOOGLING IT GETS A 50% DISCOUNT AT MY ICE CREAM STAND!!”
Pumpkinpaw puts on one of those fancy-shmancy old guy glasses on top of her current ones and guesses something random. “I KNOW WHAT IT IS!” she screeches as she sprints to Fomay’s stand. “GIVE ME THE ICE CREAMMMMM”
“Explain what it is and you get some.” foampaw flicked their tail, still excited but much quieter now as she hid her ice cream.
Pumpkinpaw totally does not search it up, and then realizes she’s also a fan. “It’s an album by OR3O! Now can I get some ice cream with catnip?”
“YES!! HIP HIP HOORAY!” Foampaw celebrates, and even though Pumpkinpaw searched it up still gives her the discount. “That’s $2.00 or 2 quartz points, please!”
Pumpkinpaw gives the money to Foamy and gobbles down the ice cream. “YAYAYAYA THANK YOU SO MUCHH!” She then runs away to throw catnip at other people.
(Check your sp, Foamy 😉)
“Wait, I signed both the catnip contract and the crayon contract.” Ammie says, looking around. “So what am I on?”
(and what is the Hamilsquad and how do I join?)
Pumpkinpaw spawns out of nowhere and hands Ammie some catnip. “You are on the catnip side, because the contract forbids you from signing any other contract and even if you do you are still on the catnip side.”
Flamilton materializes out of the shadows, holding a sparkly contract and dressed in a King George-Alastor outfit combination, which they think is absolutely awesome, however the non-H’s are just confused. “You mentioned Hamilton?” they grin evilly.
“OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU I’M KING FOAMPAW |||!”
Foampaw yelled to Flam while handing pumpkinpaw, who was already reaching for the chocolate syrup.
“Magictastical!” Flamilton yells back, grinning.
“I did, yes” Ammie nods, staring suspiciously at Flamilton. “Um. That’s ominous, sir.”
“Pfft, why would I be suspicious! All I’m here for is if you’re interested in joining the H’s or the Hamilsquad! And the only thing that miiiight happen is I end up *accidentally* owning your soul in the process! Now, would you like some jambalaya? :D” Flamilton grins even more scarily than before.
“Um.” Ammie takes a s l i g h t step back. “I would like to own my own soul, thank you very much. Though I DO want to join the Hamilsqaud. That’s all I’m asking.” she grips the squirt gun behind her back.
“Wait- you’re telling me you own souls?!… WHAT A COINCIDENCE! SO DO I!” Alasquirt shrieks, jumping up and down. “We have so much in common! Want to trade souls sometime?”
“IS EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD INSANE??” Ammie exclaims, taking out his squirt gun. “OWNING SOULS? WHAT IN THE WORLD—“
Pumpkinpaw appears out of nowhere and pats Ammie on the shoulder. “The Hazelpage is indeed a place where insane people go,” she says wisely and mysteriously. She then grabs out a bunch of catnip and her new contract. “But don’t worry, the catnip army does not own or trade any souls! We only do that if you’re against us! Would you like to join today?”
Flamilton begins angrily playing the violin, despite the fact that they can’t play any instruments whatsoever.
Pumpkinpaw starts playing the cello AND the piano even angrier, because she actually knows how to play instruments.
“Uhhhh, I dunno. Catnip is…good. But I kind of don’t want to be part of an army. Please don’t take my soul anways, though, please.” Ammie exclaims, making sure his squirt gun has water. She hides it behind her back, their hands holding on for dear life.
“Oh don’t worry, you don’t have to be apart of the army! As long as if you are a supporter and fight with us, then we’re fine and will not own your soul!” Pumpkinpaw then grabs her box of souls. “Anyone wanna trade souls? Don’t worry Ammie, we only steal souls that aren’t catnip supporters!”
Lionpaw sobs. How could this child not know the amazing process of owning souls! “It’s like Pokemon cards…but better!” Lionpaw explained, attempting to be like Vox and brainwash Amberpaw into becoming an Alastor stan.
“THAT’S SUCH A SILLY COINKYDINK! :00” Flamilton gasps from where they’re cooking dodos in the jambalaya pot next to a very disturbed-looking Ammie. “Ooh, I’d love to! Which ones do you have?”
“Of course I secretly have Lionpaw (this is a joke unless you’re good with it Leo 😛) and ever existing meme of
meAlastor finding toothpaste! Yes, memes have souls! What about you?” Alasquirt replies, dancing happily and partially ignoring the still disturbed-looking Ammie.“Well let’s see… there’s my little brother, possibly my younger sister too, oh and I think Shoes too!” they think for a second, trying to remember where Shoes came from. “I think? I’m pretty sure I actually just kidnapped it
shhh Shoes doesn’t need to know😌”(I am DEFINITLEY ok with that anything for the Radio Demon)
“Y’all are freaking insane,” Ammie steps back. They glance at Lionpaw concerningly. “What are you doing??”
“Ooh!” Flamilton gasps. “You know Insane? The song? Splendid! Everything’s better with a song, don’t you agree?” /ref
“HEY! SORRY BUT YOU JUST GOT IN MY WAY! I PROMISE HONEY I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN! AND MAYBE I ENJOY IT JUST A LITTLE BIT DOES THAT MAKE ME INSANE?” Lionpaw screams enthusiastically.
“Well, it;s a very complex process, owning souls, you see.” Lionpaw mews with a weird accent. “You sign a contract and give your soul to an Overlord.” as she says this see casually summons her contract and chain (ik i cant do that lol) “See? Nothing to it!”
Ammie stares, shocked and very scared, at Lionpaw. “Uhhhhhhhh,” he says, taking a few steps back. “I’m just going to, uh, totally not run away. I’m going to, uh, get ice cream!” he turns and bolts. “See ya!”
“JAMBALAYAAAAAAAAA!!!” screams Lionpaw, stealing the whole pot. She shoves it down, muttering “Alastor, Alastor, Alastor” in the hopes of summoning the most amazing Radio Demon
✨✨*gets summoned*✨✨ /j
Vix yells, “STOP THIS WAR! THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH! AT LEAST JOIN FORCES LIKE Hamilton joins forces with James Madison and John J. John J. got sick after writing 8. Madison wrote 27. Hamilton wrote, the other 51! I am making a safe haven for those wishing to be safe. Come find me to join my haven. We are part of no wars and we accept all sides.” She ends her speech with a flourish.
“um okay” Fernpaw blinks, then throw a tomato at Vix
“NOO!” Pumpkinpaw screeches. “THIS WAR SHALL NOT END UNTIL CATNIP RULES THE HAZELPAGE!!!” She throws her destructive catnip at Vixenpaw and starts throwing catnip at random people.
“But the revolution is coming!” (/ref) Flamilton objects in their Triple-H glory. “I just gotta make catnip wish that it’d stayed gone!”
“TUNE ONN INNNN!! WHEN WE’RE DONE, THEIR STATUS QUO WILL KNOW IT’S RACE IS RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-“
“Oh, this will be fun!” Flamilton finishes, cackling.
*sobs* i missed my boi ALASTOR WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (btw guys i made a super secret Alastor
worshipdiscussion page ovr here: https://blogclan.katecary.co.uk/The-Alastor-Worship-Page/Kli stares at the chaos from a bit away, wondering if she should add her own insanity. She wants peace, but at the same time, she wants war. In the end she just ends up…
…
…
…
…
Playing the piano.
Vixenpaw dodges all the bombs and yells, “BUT JUS SO YOU KNOW, I’M ON THE TRIPLE-H SIDE CAUSE HAMILTONNNNNN BUT DON’T DESTROY MY HAVEN UNLESS YOU WANNA DESTROY ALL THE CATNIP AND CRAYONS ON THE HAZELPAGE!”
Oliver then out of nowhere appears, and says “I have literally no idea what the freak is going on, but should I agree with my mom(vix), who says that this all should stop? Or with my blogsis, Dawn(can I call you that, Pumpkindawn?)?” Right before walking to a wall so she can watch all this chaos unfold, she thinks “I’ve probably just gotten myself into a lot of chaos and trouble.”
“JOIN THE CATNIP ARMYY!” Pumpkinpaw (probably don’t use the nickname Dawn, it can get confused with others) yowls. “I, YOUR WONDERFUL BLOGSIS, HAVE BEEN WITH YOU FOR UH…” Pumpkinpaw scratches her head as she thinks about how long they have been siblings for. “SOME TIME! Besides, you get a lot of cool stuff!”
Olive makes her decision, and
JOINS THE CATNIP ARMY!
(Maybe Pumpkin Seed?)
I am your mother, you listen to me! /j Do what you want!” Vix says. “Dont support me for the sole reason of me being your mom! I support you! <33 We have bluey merch tho" She says enthusiastically. "And if you dont join me I'm keeping all the muffin plushies!" She yells
Darth Fallow wacks some innocent peeps with her light sabor for… idk what reason.
“That’s illegal!” Ammie squeaks.
“I ALSO WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THE CATNIPJUICE SIDE RULES THE HAZELPAGE”
Darth Fallow lounches an attack on the catnipjuice side. She shoves a light sabor in Melodypaw’s mouth and puts one in each of Melodypaw’s ears.
MelodyPaw sucks on the light saber as if it was an ice pop. “Is this raspberry flavor?” She asked, slurping on it some more. She dodges the other light sabers that were about to hit her ears. She got her pet goober-rock, flinging it into fallowpaw, infecting her with goober-disease™️.
All right, I know this is crazy…but I’m going to start a new side of the war! It is the three Cabelleros side (and yes, I am obsessed with them). Anyone who joins will get a special shout-out from Jose, Panchito, or Donald! (or Lord Felldrake if you really wanna be wild)
Darth Fallow is immune to goober-disease by her fantastic raspberry light sabor powers and sends some Star Destroyers to attack Melodypaw.
Reedpaw creeps back after a long time, quoting Alice in Wonderland loudly. “ ‘But I don’t want to be among mad people,’ said Alice. ‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Chesire Cat. ‘We’re all mad here.’ “
In a flash of lightning, lightningpaw materializes, dressed smartly in lafayettes clothing with Alastor colors. “Did the Hamilton side need help?” He smirked, “I have the power of my voice, my sword, the lightning and several other Alastor thingies! Try me!!”
Darth Fallow flings a light sabor at Lightayette.
Lightningpaw summons a tentacle from the ground and swats the lightsaber away. “Oops! Looks like your little saber doesn’t have the loyalty enchantment.” He gave a fake sad face. Your imagination zoomed onto his narrow eyes; “try me.”
Darth Fallow clones herself a 1000000000 times and puts all of those clones in Star Destroyers to attack Lighayette.
“Uh uh…that’s funny.” LIGHTAYETTE released a loud yawn, which made all the ranks of the star destroyers become unorganized, he then summoned 10 10000000001 tentacles, 1 for each star destroyer, they all wrapped around the destroyers, attempting to crumble them. These tentacles were indestructible.
And of course, one to scratch his back.
“Thats the spot..” LIGHTAYETTE mutters.
Your imagination close onto LIGHTAYETTEs eyes again.
“You powerplay, I powerplay” he says menacingly
MelodyPaw also catches the Star Destroyers in her mouth, and sucks them like a hard candy, exclaiming “OOH! This is Blue Raspberry flavor! I knew it!”and at the same time she said that, counjures a small griffin/hippogriff named Bugsy and and demands him to bite Lightningpaw’s arm off. “Hey you. Lightningboi, I think? Next time, dont steal Layafette’s clothing, alright bud?”
“Wow…that’s unexpected..to be fair, I am borrowed the design from Lafayette and got it tailored by myself so…thanks for hating my taste! And I don’t hurt animals.”
LIGHTAYETTE gets on his tentacles and they carry him away to the Triple H tower. “Been fun!”
Darth Fallow uses 🌌Dark Jedi Megic Powers🌌 to make Melodypaw vomit the Star Destroyers and then launches a new attack at Melody and Lightayette.
Flamilton steps into the party, armed with about 75 water balloons filled with maple syrup. “What’d I miss?” they ask, appearing in Hamilton’s beige jacket while wearing Lucifer’s magictastical hat.
“Well hello Lightayette, my good man!” Flamilton grins, appearing in the shadows from the H-Tower. “We always appreciate another corrupted soul to help the even more corrupted cause! You haven’t seen the tower/fortress yet, have you? Well, let me allow you to give a magictastical tour!” They grin even wider, leading Lightayette toward the somewhat menacing-looking tower.
Robo busts open the door of the Hazelpage. “I’m BACK!!” She throws confetti around. “And just so you guys know, I was on the Triple-H side.”
*sends some Gozanti Cruisers to destroy triple h before Robo can come and help them*
Robo throws magictastical backflipping rubber ducks at the cruisers. The ducks breathe fire at the cruisers, which crash and burn. She continues throwing ducks at the other teams.
*shreds lettuce enthusiastically
*dances excitedly* “I love murdering lettuce!” Wiffi shrieks shrilly. “What’s your side? Do you have a side? What sides are the worst? Which are the best? AHHH WAR!” She blinks and seems to settle down. “Sorry, I just love this place. I also just chugged an entire six-pack of Dr. Pepper, so sorry if I’m a bit… eager.”
Im sided with Darth Fallow and the Crayons, but my Iceberg and Cos lettuce might need to overthrow her >:)
The catnip side is WAY too overpowered, is crayons are the underdogs!
Pumpkinpaw throws catnip at them. “US CATNIP LOVERS SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE, THERE IS NO STOPPING US >:))))”
Rosekit pops in and says to Amethystpaw, “The three Cabelleros side is da best! NO ONE HAS JOINED! 😭😭😭😭” Then she sends Jose, Donald and Panchito to attack the catnip juice side.
Hey Rosekit! Darth Fallow would like to officialy join the three cabelleros side, if you don’t mind that I’m also on 1000 other sides!
Of COURSE you can join, Fallowpaw! Jose, Donald, and Panchito welcome you!
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Yaaaaay!!!
“No no! The CATNIPJUICE side is the best. For honor and loyalty and pet goober-rocks join USCJ (United States of catnip juice)” MelodyPaw shouts
“Yo..flamilton, does the triple H tower have a lightning rod? Cause then I can put some serious defenses on this thing, and then the opposing sides will wish that they stayed gone!
Flamilton gasps. “Ya know, I didn’t think of that! SOMEONE GET A LIGHTNING ROD THINGAMAWHATSIT!” Flamilton yells at the non-Triple-H peasants. /lhj
LET’S \STEAL THEIR CANNONS! SHABOOM!” Vix yells.
leppo rolls out of the ground holding a lightning rod, twelve angry geese, and a laptop blasting hamilton. after handing everything flamilton, she vanishes very snekily.
Hi, Lighayette!😇
“Sup0
I love torturing u Hamilstuffpeople by calling u Lighayette and Flamilstuff😈
“the anarchy!! I mean, what type of clout chasing mediocre darth Vader wannabe, switching between this thing and that thing, launching such messy attacks on his opponents and failing every time not even use correct grammar! Seriously dude, get it fixed!” /lhj
‘First thing is, I do NOT switch, I’m just part of a 100000000 sides and the Hamilstuff one is not one of them! Also, you want an attack, huh? Well, I can give you one!’, Darth Fallow screams, and she sends a bunch of ewoks in Star Destroyers to destroy Lighayette and Flamilstuff.
“Nah ah ah!” Flamilton says disapprovingly. They proceed to throw jambalaya and hungry Cursed Cat Alastors at the star wars spaceships.
*gasps* HOW DARE YOU INSULT A FELLOW MEMBER OF THE THREE CABELLEROS SIDE?! Cabelleros, ATTACK!!! (Jose, Donald, and Panchito start attacking all the sides of the war EXCEPT for the Star Wars Side.)
>:000000
Y’all are losers, baby >:( /lhj /ref
“The future of Hazelpage belongs to the H’s!” Lionpaw screams
‘I think I misunderstand your words, you meant to say: ‘We’re all losers, baby’, right?😜 Also Lighayette, DARTH IS WRITTEN WITH A CAPITAL LETTER!!!
MelodyPaw is currently ignored at the moment, so she currently sings a few TTPD songs (it’s a Taylor swift thing ✨) and then shouts “JOIN THE FAIR AND FREE NATION OF THE UNITED NATION OF CATNIP JUICE, OTHERWISE CALLED U.N.C.J! JOIN AND GET A FREE CUSTOMIZED GRIFFIN/HIPPOGRIFF, LIKE MINE, MY LOYAL (AND CUTE) STEED BUGSBY! AND ALSO GET MANY OTHER AMENITIES, SUCH AS A COMMUNITY POOL, A PLAYGROUND FOR KITS, AND A FEW FINE SCHOOLS FOR APPRENTICES LIKE ME! ONE OF THEM, Shadowcloud Elementary, WAS FOUNDED BY THE MATHEMATICIAN AND SCIENTIST, SHADOWCLOUD!” She finished her speech with a huff, now everyone looking at her.
Creamos grabs a craoyn and a hamiltion poster and breaks them “MWHAHAHAHAH”/j