The internet is a storm of URLs, wi-fi and strings of dangerous code, whirling and thundering. Out in the wilderness you can only survive so long unaided, but in here, behind the mellow yellow windows, a safe and comforting place awaits. This place is a respite from the internet; the fire crackles invitingly and alluring rainbow-coloured drinks are poured into glasses. Exciting chatter fills the rooms from tables bustling with friends, eating from trays of warm, rustic carum bread and hearty stews. Gentle music comes from the band in the background.
[image description: a busy tavern lit by orange light]
Come in, chat away, have a great time! The old location may have been overrun by the Codekind, but this new building has three-meter thick walls, three floors and turret bedrooms to rest in at the top! We’ve returned, free from the battles of the secret pages! A safe micro-community of equality and no judgement. Hang up your HTML-reflective suit at the door and settle in with a drink and a meal.
Notice Board: Free candy in the bowl on the counter! What types of candy are there? Yes.
Coni knocks on the Hazelpage’s front door, surprised to see it collapsing instead of opening. “Are crawons shtil popwular here? I’ve bin gwone fro a long time”, they ask, munching on a mouthful of newly baked crayons. They sniff the air and scent something familiar. “CATNIPPPPPP”, she shouts, and starts dancing like the cat in her profile pic 💃💃💃
Koi squints her eyes. “Welcome…” Koi puts on her glasses. “… Coni.” Catnip-crayon-waffle-pancake-sausage-sandwiches fall on the unsuspecting crayon-munching cat :p
Coni munches happily on the Catnip-crayon-waffle-pancake-sausage-sandwiches
thrownoffered by Koi.“NONONO CONI!” Flamilton gasps, running after Coni. “DON’T JOIN THEM I SWEAR THE H’S ARE BETTER!”
“I regret to say this, but I’ve no knowledge on either of the Hs 😔” Coni says solemnly. “It took me quite a long time to comprehend the meaning of Alasquirt’s nickname.” 😥
‘You will need to choose between catnip and crayons, Coniferpaw. You can’t live with a paw in each world’, Fallowpaw meowes wisely. ‘I sound just like Lionheart’, she mutters to herself.
Fallowpaw’s right also you should join crayon side bc it is better
Leafpaw appears out of nowhere and starts speaking like some old-timey mediveal guy. “Dear Coniferpaw, please join us catnip supporters! Thy shall win this war, and the others who do not support us shall be oblitirated!” she suddenly starts speaking normal again. “We also have FREE catnip, as well as cookies with catnip and a special ingredient inside that prevents stress and gives you better scores on tests!” *WARNING: this has not been tested on a mortal before, but we’re pretty sure it’s safe :D*
“IGNORE HER CHIRPING!” (/ref) Flamilton yells from the Triple-H Fortress. “We all know that Hazbin and Hamilton are the *proper* way to enjoy oneself, not your disgusting catnip!” (is that another ref in there? maaaaaybe… 😊)
hey flamepaw can triple-h force join with crayon force also I love hazbin hotel too
Well sure! Crayons I’m sure fit into Revolutionary War history and Heck’s society!! :))) Plus, crayons are the tastiest thing around, let’s be honest 👌
Gasp, I didn’t know you like Hazbin!! Who’s your favorite character? :0
alstor follow me to the crayon base Flamepaw
“I need those cookies, I have midterms this week!” Coni shouts, devouring the catnip cookies. “And don’t worry, I’m sure the effects will be fine for a well-educated(/j) mortal like me! 😉”
DO NOT LIISTON TO LEAFPAW CRAYONS ARE BETTER TAN CAT-NIP TRUST ME
Firey is so right, the crayons side is better ofc bc it has me!
so true fallowpaw is the best
Tysm!
Koi writes on a book. “This has been the most severe war to date,” she mutters as she writes the words. “Some cats have gone missing… probably due to one of the sides. Like my store where everyone went missing because they were under all the food they bought from me…”
She turns the light brighter in her small room, hearing the battle above. “Well, at least I have crayons to color with and catnip-waffle-pancake-sandwiches to eat. And since I basically don’t fight on a side I’m safe… I think.” A pile of papers lie on the side of the door saying ‘Join the catnip side or be obliterated!!’ and others saying ‘The crayons: the write side of the war.’
Suddenly the light is replaced by a disco ball and Koi start’s partying.
Flamilton realizes that the Triple-H’s haven’t made propaganda posters yet and gets to work on that. After 30 minutes of having literally no ideas whatsoever, she finally produces the finished products: A picture of the star of Hamilton, King George III, with text at the bottom reading “We will send a fully-armed battalion to remind you of our love!” and another poster with a picture of (naturally) Alastor, reading “Don’t you act all high and mighty… Until you join our side!” They cackle at their beautiful work and begin running amok through the Hazelpage, putting posters everywhere, including on many foreheads of people who got in their way.
Robo hangs Triple-H posters on the outside of the other team’s bases 😛
Alasquirt does the same as Robo, knowing the Triple-H’s must remain the strongest supremacy there is.
Flamilton beams proudly at their colleagues, knowing that the H’s will always prevail over catnip! They retreat to the H Fortress, where they proceed to blast the Hazbin and Hamilton soundtracks across the whole massive, 62-story premises, while dancing around with a handful of ducks and a powdered wig.
Pumpkinpaw rips all of the posters, putting indestructible posters promoting catnip.
“We have catnip cookies with special ingredients to prevent stress for tests! They also give you better scores!”
She sits by one of her posters, acting like an innocent bystander as she waits for her first customer.
“?” Fernpaw tilts her head in confusion while munching a cookie
Kli picks up the paper and starts to make origami. She finishes the stack of paper she has, and moves everything to her secret hideout that she apparantly built in 0.001 seconds without anyone noticing. Then she gathers 293727269467286570 sheets of paper and moves them to her hideout for making more origami but loses patience and eats catnip instead.
“good idea!” Fernpaw meowed, then began munching on some catnip herself
Koi looks at the Triple-H’s poster. “I mean… I’ve never heard Hamilton… er… I have, literally every kid in my class requests it… but I do love Hazbin…” Koi puts the paper on their board of random posters
Pumpkinpaw throws catnip at Koi, just because she can.
Koi falls dramatically onto her pile of Clancymeals, before dying and respawning. “You can never ded meh! Otherwise who will give you Clancymeals and catnip-crayon-pancake-waffle-sausage-sandwiches?!”
Pumpkinpaw quickly helps Koi up and starts begging for forgiveness. “PLZ FORGIVE MEEE!” she yowls. “I NEED THOSE CLANCYMEALS AND CATNIP-CRAYON-PANCAKE-WAFLLE-SAUSAGE-SANDWICHES!”
Pumpkinpaw gets on top of a pile of catnip with a microphone made out of catnip. “Everyone!’ she calls as the microphone’s squeaky feedback sounds like someone saying ‘catnip’. “Tonight is the full moon, so uh, I hope that this is a time of truce! Anyway, I have just realized that we have never officially declared war! It’s not fun until it’s official! So, CATNIP DECLARES WAR ON CRAYONS AND THE TRIPLE H’S!” She screams the last sentence so loudly that some peoples’ ears break.
She then drops her microphone and starts running around as she creates chaos once more.
Roxy gaps, ears pinned, as she realizes a full-on catnip/crayon war has started.
“I’m outta here!” She cries, galloping away on a horse.
“AAAAAHHH!!!” screams Robo as she frantically stocks up on gummy-bear guns.
“HAIL CATNIP!!!” Fernpaw yowled squirting the kittynip 3000 at the blogclanners that are on the crayon & triple H side.
‘You want battle? I’ll give you war!’, Fallowpaw responds. ‘I’m using a lot of quotes last time’, she adds to herself.
GOOD LUCK CRAYONS AND TRIPLE-H HAVE TEAMED UP yells Firepaw He starts throwing crayons and Pumpkinpaw
“Well, let me be the one to tell you, you’d better hide!” Flamilton smiles, happy that they came up with such a good Hamilton pun. “And gotta say, I can’t wait to come down and exterminate you catnip followers!” They skip away happily, humming Hazbin and Hamilton as they fade into the shadows.
“WELL, TOO BAD!” Pumpkinpaw yowls as she throws more catnip at Flam. “CATNIP SHALL WIN THIS WAR! AND…” she adds, her voice suddenly quiet. “i have never even watched Hamilton!” she runs away, cackling as she leaves Flam to soak in that knowledge.
Flamilton, smiling while sobbing on the inside, whispers to one of her fellow H’s, “Initiate protocol 37.”
Creamypaw, wakes up from her lonnnnnnnnngggggg nap because of pumpkine’s nosie microphone”uh? Is the war still on? well if it is TADC SIDE IS BACK >:DDDD YAAAAAAA”
Pumpkinpaw innocently walks up to Creamy, her special catnip cookies with her. “Would you like to have a truce with us catnip lovers?” she asks innocently, holding out the cookie. “We have free catnip cookies! They have special ingredients that prevent you from having stress, and they give you better scores on tests!”
“Sure i’m not really considered with you only the H’s” Creamos eats the cookies
“Oh, this will be fun!” Flamilton grins evilly, cackling from her shadowy corner of the H Tower.
Firepaw walks up to Flamepaw and says “The cat-nip army will never stand a chance to us now we have teamed up Flamepaw Triple-H and Crayons will rule the Hazelpage”
“Oh, don’t be so sure of that!” Pumpkinpaw yowls as she throws more catnip and Firepaw and Flam. “CATNIP SHALL WIN THIS WARR!”
i think you have gone crazy crayon’s and triple-h will when this war
“Hm, maybe you need to get checked?” Pumpkinpaw tells Firepaw thoughtfully. She grabs out her totally normal chair that is totally not a brainwashing machine for Firepaw to sit on. “Here, sit down and let me see if everything’s alright!” She gently pushes Firepaw towards the chair, trying to get him to sit down so she can look over him and not brainwash him into loving catnip.
No tests pumpkinpaw into the chair and makes her love crayons
Robo has found all her squirt guns, and starts shooting the TADC line with the crayon gun.
Lettuce or Spinach? TEAM LETTUCE 4EVAAAA
YASSSSSSSS, TEAM LETTUCE
“uhm, um, I’ve never had spinach before?” Pumpkinpaw quickly hides behind her magical catnip armor as she is attacked. “YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT ME!” she yowls behind her magically stron catnip armor.
“Lettuce is supreme,” Mallowpaw says. He makes a salad off of a bunch of lettuce and 7.5 catmint crayons, chewing up the wax. He adds a shrimp cracker into it. He takes a bite using a crab’s claw. “Delicious!”
Takes out microphone from nowhere, “ FREE CRAYONS AND CATNIP FOR EVERYONE!”
*Throws bunch of crayons in the air*
Pumpkinpaw quickly steals all the catnip and takes them to her secret base. She also takes the crayons, just for good measure. “MWAHAHAHA, THESE CRAYON PEOPLE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THEIR CRAYONS!” She starts crafting more catnip tools with her ✨crafting table✨.
Firepaw yeets Pumpkinpaw into the crayon pile and takes all of her crayons and runs off
Pumpkinpaw steals all the crayons back from Firepaw and yeets him into a conveniently placed hole. After that, she takes all the crayons from the pile she was yeeted into and runs away, cackling, as she had just depleted the crayon side of even more of their supplies.
“yeets him into a conveniently placed hole” 😭
noooooooo snowbreeze heeeeellpppp meeeeeeeee
mwahahahaha, my humour is too stronk >:)
climbs out of the grabs pumpkinpaw and yeets her into lave firepaw says bye bye pumpkinpaw heheheheheh grabs all crayons and hids
Pumpkinpaw is wearing her ✨magical✨ catnip armor that prevents her from being damaged. She gets out of the lava and starts running towards Firepaw, yowling in a demonic voice that she would get him.
No you shall love crayons 👿
Mallowpaw takes 14 crayons, all of them purple. “Thanks, Stormpaw!” He yells, as he takes them back to his laboratory.
*Looks inside*
H-Hi! Is this place open? UWU
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, NO PLACE FOR KAWAI-KITTYZ HERE, WARRRRRRRRRR-KITTYZ ONLEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
well there is just a war going on right now says Firepaw while dodging cat-nip bombs but yes it is opens
Pumpkinpaw quickly drags Bunnyfreckle away from the open area as she is being chased down by the Triple H’s and crayon lovers. “This place is only open if you’re here for war!” she yowls as she fires back at her attackers. “CATNIP SHALL WIN THIS WAR!” she yowls. She looks back at Bunnyfreckle. “Would you like to join my catnip army?” she asks, suddenly calm.
Koi stands on a tower of catnip and melted crayons, in the shape of the Hazbin Hotel with a megaphone.
“Everyone, go to my secret bunker for Clancymeals! They are free and on the go, meaning you can grab one in a minute and be out on the warfield again! We have a Tyler-hot-dog, Josh-bun, and your choice of red tape- fighting against Dema, aka ketchup- and yellow tape- running away from Dema, aka mustard!!”
Koi stops to take a huge breath. “We also can get you a milkshake from a choice of 9, each named after a Bishop! Our most popular at the moment is a Nico! And, if you’re lucky, you might just get a Ned collectible!” Koi shows everyone the Ned collectible you could get with your Clancymeal.
“I have an unlimited stock, come get one now! P.S., you can buy a red refillable slushie cup that turns yellow when cold!”
“Ooh, I’ll get…” Pumpkinpaw tries to find a way to steal all of them. “I’ll get an infinite amount of everything!”
“PANCAKESSS!!!” Fernpaw yowled, then was genuinely confused about why she said that
Fallowpaw makes another brainwashing machine out of blended crayons and puts Bunnyfreckle in it to make them another mindless crayon slave. ‘CRAYONS WILL RULE THE HAZELPAGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!’, she yells histerically.
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy
Pumpkinpaw makes 237483274357642387628746283743123239044843489057475843 more brainwashing machines and attemps stealing some of the crayon lovers. “CATNIP SHALL RULE THE HAZELPAGE!” she yowled as she dragged a bunch of crayon lovers to her brainwashing machines.
Creamos grabs some COLOR PENCIL (not crayons >:) ) and makes posters saying
JOIN THE TADC SIDE, AND HAVE FREE CATNIP & MILKSHAKES but if you don’t YOU WILL GET TAPED IN A COMPUTER AND BE FORCED TO JOIN MWAHAHAHA
She puts them up everywhere.
then she trows a bomb at the H’s side and destroys their base >:)
THEN she goes to every other H’s base and destroys it with tadc bombs
“Ooh, good idea Creamos!” Pumpkinpaw quickly grabs some catnip bombs and throws them at the crayon bases.
Harpy Wynn struts into the tavern with a plastic venti-sized starbucks cup in her talons. “Guess what I found; blending brown and black crayons give you a java chip crayon frappuccino!” She yells, triumphant with her new discovery.
Pumpkinpaw quickly steals Wynn’s plastic starbucks cup and fills it up with catnip. “NO, DO NOT LISTEN TO HER, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CRAYONS, CATNIP SHALL WIN THIS WAR, AND CRAYONS SHALL BE NO MORE!!!” she yowls as she throws catnip at everyone.
Mousebrain brainwashes everyone to become the de facto Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of the Hazelpage (DPRH). With control of the economy through Mousecoin and his newfound control of politics, Mousebrain has become the most powerful entity on the Hazelpage. Mousebrain has stated in a recent interview from MBN, that he plans to create kitty-cat nuclear weapons…
{MBN is a propaganda news network that is directly controlled by the DPRH.}
New War!
Join the DPRH!
…or rebel.
Eclipsefrost names herself leader of the rebellion. “Join the rebellion!” she yowls. “We cannot let Mousebrain take over the Hazelpage and create nuclear weapons!”
Why does the DPRH remind me so much of the Empire in Star Wars…? Mousebrain, ur now officially the Empermouse on this page! Call me… Darth Fallow! (Yes, I join the Empire (DPRH) and I’m your local sith!) Eclipsefrost, ur now Purrincess Lecli, cuz you’re the leader of the Rebellion that Darth Fallow will DESTROY!!!!