Winter Gathering: Teams + Official Art!

*owl house lil girl voice* pwease wead my stowy

presenting wrecked wives, the six blogfic you never knew you always needed

Divorced. Bedheaded. Lied.

But tonight, they are… recorded in front of a live studio audience!

The six wives of Rose-E-Belt the Eighth, two of each afflicted with divorce, bedheads, or lies. This is their stories, their triumphs and defeats, as told by them after the untimely passing of their husband. This is….

Wrecked Wives

She’s a paragon of moddery, and her loyalty is to the Vat of Ice Cream. She’s been (er, was) married to Rose for 24 minutes (a new record!!), it’s the one, the only… 

Viperine of Arasong! 

She’s “that Bowlin girl”, see, and notably she helped break BlogClan from the lurching despair of increativity! (Yes, she’s that cool). Why is she bedheaded? Er… dangit, I can’t think of anything funny about green sleeves. It’s 

 Darkie Bowlin!

Moons Saymore, the only one he truly loved (everyone: RUDE >:c), she was lied to in a betrayal never seen in the history of romance before. Stick around and you’ll probably have more to Saymore!

When he saw her PFP, he totally went “rawr xD!”, but Sunni Clives apparently didn’t actually look like a tiger. Weird how no one brings up how Rose isn’t actually a rose though. Funny right – 

PRRRRRRICK up your ears, it’s the Moon who got BEDheaded, and for none other reason then her ingenuity outside of wed. Lock up the Lances, lock up the Alains, ’cause Moon K. Howard is here and the angst has beGUN! 

Five down, she’s the final wife – and she him through the end of his life in a most interesting sense. She’s the investor, Wollowine Parr – and I bet you wanna know how she got this far!  

<°>————–<————<°>

“Welcome to the show, folks of gentle and folks of steel, and to the historemix!” The announcer shouted to the rooftops of the Gathering. “Tonight, we truly are switching up the flow as we add the prefix, because tonight’s performances will be by each and every one of the late Rose-E-Belt’s spouses!”

“But didn’t that guy marry like… everyone???”

“He married me!”

“Yeah, and me!”

“Xe married me too.”

The announcer scratched his head. “Ah, fudgesticks. Well, what I meant to say is… his six most famous wives!! Give them a hand everyone!!”

The six wives walked onto the stage, each posing more dramatically then the last. Except Wollowine. Wollowine just stood there, covered in suspicious-red splotches.

The crowd stood silent. Someone coughed.

“Er… We begin with the tale of Viperine of Arasong. Viperine, take it away so I don’t lose my job, please!”

Viperine, the Oldest and Wisest of them all, grabbed a sparkly dark blue microphone. “Thank you, Janice or whatever your name is.” She turned to the crowd with a welcoming smile. “Hello, all! My name is Viperine of Arasong, as you might know of moderation fame!”

Everyone nodded in simultaneous agreement. 

“My husband, who I knew for 24 years, even though he didn’t exist at back then, was a great…” She checked herself. “Wait, are we cats in this fic or humans? Cat people?”

“Since Rose doesn’t remember purrsonas and is too lazy to dream up good humansonas this late in the game, you all are entirely up to the reader’s imagination.”

“Ah. Of course. Should’ve expected that of my husband of 24 minutes.” Clearing her throat, she set the scene of the Gathering of her divorce.

<°>————–<————<°>

Rose-E-Belt pinched his nose irritably. “You’ve got to understand, Viperine,” he said, voice weird because he was pinching his nose.

“No! Absolutely, positively, no FREAKING way!”

“But – “

Viperine wagged a finger (?????????????)  in his face. “You must agree that, in all the time I been by your side, I’ve never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied!”

“Wait, we’ve only been married twenty four seconds. How have I lied – “

“And even though you’ve had your fun! Playing Monopoly with some Bowlin girl! And don’t forget the son you had -“

“Do you mean Bobald? The emoji you literally throw into a flaming trashcan?”

“No matter what I heard, I didn’t say a word – “

“What have you been hearing????”

“But now it’s time to shhh, and listen when I sa-a-a-ay – “

“Oh god.”

“You must think that I’m crazy
You wanna replace me, baby there’s
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way
If you thought for a moment (what?)
I’d grant you annulment, just hold up, there’s
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way
No way
No way
There’s no way!”

The music in the background began to soften as Viperine got down on her knees in the middle of the song, huge anime tears leaking from her eyes.

“You got me down on my knees, please tell me what you think I’ve done wrong,”

“Well, there’s actually a list I have if you want it – “

“Been humble, been loyal, I’ve tried to swallow my pride all along,”

“Those aren’t the exact words I’d use to describe you – “

“If you can just explain a single thing
I’ve done to cause you pain, I’ll go…”

Rose thought hard. “Okay, so all the times you’ve made fun of my typoes, all the times you’ve ignored my DMs, and all the times you chose Wollow over me.”

Viperine did not look amused by this set of accusations. “No? I did not do that?” 

“I’m not going away, you won’t not make me stay – “

“Wait that doesn’t sound right – “

“There’s no way!
You must think that I’m crazy
You wanna replace me? Please, there’s
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way
You made me a wife, so I’ll be queen ’til the end of your life
N-n-n-n-n-n-no way
No way (no way)
No way
There’s
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way
There’s no way!”

Viperine took in a deep breath from all the high notes she had just hit. She dismissed the musical band she had hired and then proceeded to sign the divorce papers, twenty four minutes into their relatively-long marriage.

<°>————–<————<°>

“Wow, I can’t believe you put up with him that long,” said Moon K. “Our relationship was better as a best-friends-who-kill-each-with-angst-ship.”

“Our relationship was absolutely killer,” said Wollowine, suspiciously. They sipped from a soda that a stage crew member had brought from the StarHecks 27 miles away. 

Everyone squinted at Wollowine before continuing to talk.

Darkie flipped her hair. “Rose was a real nutjob, to be honest.”

“Don’t speak ill of the dead!” spoke Moons, who was already beginning to cry, despite the fact that she had not shed a single tear during the funeral. “What me and Rose had was special. I miss xem so much.”

Sunni shrugged. “Don’t know the guy too well. I mean, he did dump me because he thought I was a tiger. Based on my Discord profile picture.”

“Do you even have a tiger profile picture?”

Sunni checked Discord. “Rose the writer is too lazy to actually check, but he’s gonna say, no.”

“Diddly darn,” said Viperine. 

 The announcer’s voice rang through the forest. “Next up, we have… Darkie Bowlin!”

Darkie high-fived everyone before walking out and striking a funky pose. “Hey, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. You might know me for my awesome artistic talent – but now, you’ll get to know me as a person. I’m Darkie Bowlin, and this is how my story goes.”

<°>————–<————<°>

Rose-E-Belt approached a fine lady on the eve of the Gathering. “And you might be?”

“Darkie Bowlin, sir.”

“What a fantastically musical name? Could you be… a singer?”

“I am, sir,” she replied, smiling shyly.

“Would you mind… singing for me?”

“Well, if you insist.” She snapped her fingers, and all the spotlights shone on her. Pop music began to play. “ALEXA! PLAY MY JAM!”

“Alexa, now playing My Jam.”

“Grew up in the Blog Court, oui oui bonjour, and life was a chore so – “

“You set sail?”

She nodded, and they began to dance around the other in a sped-up waltz.

 “2022, came straight to the UK, all the BlogClan dudes, lame – “

“Epic fail.” He twirled and smirked.

“Ooh, I wanna dance and sing, politics, not my thing 
Ooh, but then I met a king – “

“I bet then you thought, “Wow, I should try to get ahead.”

They danced closer together.

“He wanted me, huh, obviously
Messaging me like everyday, 
Couldn’t be better, then he sent me some letters – “

Rose wrote on a paper, ‘words’.

” – and who am I kidding
I was waiting for this day!”

Darkie quickly drew up a pen and wrote back.

“Ooh, sent a reply
Ooh, just saying hi
Ooh, you’re a nice guy
I’ll think about it maybe, yeah, xoxo, Rosie – “

A group of random snobs came up to Darkie, snobbily. 

“Uh oh – “

Darkie rolled her eyes. “Here we go!”

“You sent him an xoxo!”

“I didn’t know I would move in with his misses!”

“What?!?!”

“Get a life!”

“You’re living with his wives?!” The randos gasped, then started typing Twitter callouts.

“Like, what was I meant to do?
Sorry, not sorry ’bout what I said
I’m just tryna have some fun
Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t lose your head,
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone
LOL, say oh well
Or go to – well – “

“You can’t rhyme well with well – “

“I’MMMMMMMMMMMMMM sorry, not sorry ’bout what I said
Don’t lose your head!”

Darkie sat around, twiddling her thumbs. She wanted to play Monopoly, but Viperine, the wife she was currently living with, was really cold to her for some reason. And Rose was nowhere to be found.

‘Rose’s out every night on the Blog,
Just flirting around, like what the heck?”

With every verse, Darkie grew angrier and more taken to action. She strode out the door and sang even louder, hopefully so Rose would hear it.

“If that’s how it’s gonna be
Maybe I’ll flirt with a guy or three
Just to make him jell!”

“Hey you!” She grabbed a random passerby. “Wanna help make my soon to be ex jealous?”

“Uhhhhhhh, no.”

“Ah, toots. Hey, you -“

“What are you doing???” 

Rose was standing ten feet away, watching Darkie with a sad and angry look in his eye. In other words, smad.

“Rose finds out and xe goes wacko,
Xe scream and shout,”

“How could you do this without telling me?”

“You do it all the time?”

“I’m poly!”

“Like so judgemental – 

“You fudging hecker – “

Darkie laughed it off. “Mate, just shut up! I wouldn’t be such a hecker if you could sing in key.”

The random snobs returned, gasping. Rose knew what Darkie said was true, but he still cried sparkly anime tears. 

“Here we go…”

“Is that what you said?”

“And now he’s going ’round like off with her bed!”

Rose had ordered Darkie’s bed to the guillotine. “Let her sleep on a rock, for all I care!”

“No!” 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he means it.”

“Seems it.”

What was I meant to do?

The random snobs copied Darkie’s verses mockingly. “What was she meant to do?”

“Like what was I meant to do?”

“What was she meant to do?”

“No, but what was I meant to do?
Sorry, not sorry ’bout what I said
I’m just tryna have some fun
Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t lose your head
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone
LOL, say oh well
Or go to – wellllll 
Sorry, not sorry ’bout what I said!”

“Sorry, not sorry ’bout what she said!”

“Sorry, not sorry ’bout what I said
Don’t lose your head!”

Darkie awoke, sleeping on what could’ve passed as a rock but was actually a mattress. She frantically searched for a mirror, knowing what she would find in it’s reflection but still screaming in agony regardless.

“No! NOOOOO! I’VE GOT…. BED HEAD HAIR!!!”

<°>————–<————<°>

Backstage again, the wives chatted about the performance.

“Can’t believe Rose would do such a thing!” Moons whispered to Moon. The two were often mistaken for each on paper, but in real life they could not be more different. 

“Yeah. Rose is more…” Moon waved a hand while she thought of the correct words. “Kill you with angst.”

“I’m pretty sure he only did that, like, twice.”

Moon pounded the table with her fist. “And I’ll never let xem live it down.”

“Now it’s time for Moons Saymore!” The announcer shouted. 

“Good luck out there, Moons,” cheered Moon.

“Thank you, Moon,” said Moons gratefully.

Moon moon mooon mooo n moo moo crew.

As Moons walked out on the stage, she timidly gripped her pale lavender microphone with vigor. “Hello, there. I’m… Moons Saymore.”

“Why don’t you Saymore? Ha! Get it?”

That random person was thrown out under the Horrible Name Joke policy.

“And now, um… my song.”

<°>————–<————<°>

The meadow was quiet. Moons carefully pulled a flower to her nose, careful not to break the stem. She didn’t notice the dark that approached her from behind.

“Hello, miss.”

“Eek!” She shielded herself with her arms. When she peeked through the many gaps of her armor, she found instead a prince. “Who – who are you?”

“Rose-E-Belt, at your service, madam.” He bowed, a crooked grin on his face.

Moons bowed as well, happy to be with company. “Moons Saymore, sir.”

“Mind if I join you? It’s quieter here. More room to think.”

“Feel free to.”

Moons and Rose held hands together under the moonlight, talking mostly about Sonic the Hedgehog and Hollow Knight’s gay bugs. A song bubbled to Moons’ lips.

“You’ve got a good heart,
But I know it changes
A restless tide, untamable…”

“I like to think that makes me ruggishly handsome.”

“You came my way, and I knew a storm could come too,
You’d lift me high, or let me fall…”

“What? No, of course not. I’d never let you fall.” He extended her a hand.

She took it.

“But I took your hand, promised I’d withstand,
Any blaze you blew my way,
‘Cause something inside, it solidified
And I knew I’d always stay…”

“Stay with me,” Rose pleaded, holding out the ring. “Let’s start a family.”

“You can build me up, you can tear me down
You can try but I’m unbreakable
You can do your best, but I’ll stand the test
You’ll find that I’m unshakeable
When the fire’s burnt
When the wind has blown
When the water’s dried, you’ll still find stone….
My heart of stone…”

Together, Rose and Moons crafted the perfect child. Bobald, a creature of emojis, rose from the crypts, and together they were happy.

Unfortunately, Rose had accidentally given Moons a cursed ring, causing her to fall gravely ill. His stonks were falling, but he lied and said that he was financially stable.

It would be the lie he would most regret.

“Soon I’ll have to go,
I’ll never see him grow,
But I hope my son will know…
He’ll never be alone.”

Bobald held onto Moons’ hand as she lay in bed, frail and tired. “Mommy?”

“‘Cause like a river runs dry
And leaves it’s scars behind
I’ll be by your side…
‘Cause my love
Is set in stone….”

Even as they cried, Rose and Bobald sang along to Moons. “You can build me up, you can tear me down,” 

“You can try but I’m
Unbreakable,

“You can do your best, but I’ll stand the test – “

“You’ll find that I’m unshakeable
The fire’s burnt
The wind has blown
The water’s dried, you’ll still find stone
My heart of stone – “

“Can’t break you,”
“Can’t break you,”

” – Stone -“

“Can’t break her!”
“Can’t break her!”

” – Stone – 

Can’t break me!

You’ll still find stone…
My heart of stone.”

Emotionally, Moons died.

<°>————–<————<°>

“Wait, there are so many plot holes in that story,” Viperine said criticizingly. “Most importantly, Moons isn’t dead!”

“I’m dead inside,” Moons said cheerily.

“That doesn’t count, we’re all dead inside!”

Sunni was watching the Haus of Holbien perform instead of paying attention to this conversation.

“After that… lovely interlude… we’re having the greatest and latest Sunni Clives!”

“Oops! Gotta go, save some donut holes for me guys!”

When she stepped on stage, Sunni flashed a big smile for the crowd, toothy but friendly. “Hey ya’ll. I’m Sunni of Clives, and here’s how my story went down!“

<°>————–<————<°>

Rose-E-Belt swiped through his phone, looking through his discord. “Which one’s heart will I tragically break this time… Aha! A tiger!”

He jabbed his finger at the tiger and shouted at some random cat. “You!! Do you know where I can find this cat…person???”

“Oh yeah, over on the bridge.”

“Thanks, kid.”

“I’m older than you.”

As he headed over, Rose could smell the beautiful roses that he passed by. Every rose has its owo whats this, he remembered Viperine saying to him before their divorce. He saddened, because he had liked Viperine.

He bumped into someone on the bridge, taken from his trance.

“H?”

“Are you Sunni?” He asked bluntly.

“Errrrr… yes?”

He frowned. Sunni was… untigerlike. “Hmmm. Do you want to get married?”

“Sure.”

After going for a walk, freshly married, Rose asked, “Are you a tiger?”

“… No?????”

“Oh. Dangit, why didn’t I ask that before I married you?!”

“You want to marry a tiger???” Sunni realized they had just married a man they had just met. Exactly like Anna, except, well, Anna didn’t go through wuth it.

“Tiger-person, at least. It’s on my bucket list.”

“Ah.”

“So we’re divorced now.”

“Wait, what – “

“Sittin’ here all alone
On a throne
In a palace that I happen to own – “

Rose had compensated Sunni rather finely, all things considered. His stonks had shot up after the tragedy that was Moons, and so he owned 27 castles. He bought another one just for Sunni, so he’d keep having 27.

“Bring me some pheasant
Keep it on the bone
Fill my goblet up to the brim,
Sippin’ on soda and I spill it on my dress
With the gold lace trim – ” 

Sunni ate feasts and feasts of food, even in the designer dress she had bought with the billions of dollars Rose had given her for tax evasion.

“Not very prim and proper
Can’t make me stop
I wanna go hunting, any takers?
I’m not fake ’cause I’ve got acres and acres
Paid for with my own riches – “

Apparently, Sunni really liked to hunt.

“Everyday
Head back for a round of croquet, yeah
‘Cause I’m a playa
And tomorrow, I’ll hit replay – ” 

Sunni slammed into a couch of molten gold and fell asleep to whatever he liked to watch on the tee vee.

“You, you said that I tricked ya
‘Cause I, I didn’t look like my profile picture
Too, too bad I don’t agree
So I’m gonna hang it up for everyone to see
And you can’t stop me ’cause – 
I’m the queen of the castle,
Get down, you dirty rascal – “

With Sunni asleep, clones of Sunni emerged from their cocoons to sing in their place.

“Get down!”
“Get down!”

“Get down you dirty rascal!”

“Get down!”
“Get down!”

Sunni awoke, just to sing this one line.

“‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle!”

Okay, never mind, more singing for te OG. The clones retreat, vague hissing in the back.

“When I get bored
I go to court
Pull up outside in my carriage
Don’t got no marriage – “

“F in the chest,” says someone who looks like Shadow (not the hedgehog).

“So I have a little flirt with the footman – “

A foot with eyes hops forward, blushing furiously as he takes Sunni’s fur.

“As he takes my fur
As you were – “

The foot man is sad. He goes back to doing whatever the heck foot men do, sadly. 

“Making my way to the dance floor
Some boys making advance
I ignore them
‘Cause my jam comes on the lute – “

Sunni busts a move on a glowing dance floor that is actually a tile system in a tomb, and somehow she manages to get across and get the treasure, a red tiger’s eye gem.

“Looking cute 
Das ist gut
All eyes on me
No criticism
I look more rad than Lutheranism – “

Someone who actually is Lutheran: “IT’S true!” 

“Dance so hard that I’m causin’ a sensation – “

The clones reappear, breaking into the tomb for a celebratory dance party.

“Okay ladies, let’s get in reformation – You, you said that I tricked ya
‘Cause I, I didn’t look like my profile picture
Too, too bad I don’t agree
So I’m gonna hang it up for everyone to see
And you can’t stop me ’cause
I’m the queen of the castle
Get down, you dirty rascal!”

“Get down!”
“Get down!”

“It’s Sunni of Clives!”

“Get down!”
“Get down!”

“‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle!”

<°>————–<————<°>

“Wait… that doesn’t sound so bad, actually,” said Moon.

“If this was a contest on whose life was the worst – imagine that – Sunni’s would be, by far, the losing life,” commented Darkie, who was still traumatized by the Bedhead.

“I still had it ruff!” Sunni exclaimed, bombarded by her dogs. “Oh no! They’re taking me back to my mansion! Goodbyeeeeeeeeeee – ” 

The door shut behind them, cutting Sunni off abruptly.

“Ookay then.” Moon stood up, know she was about to be called on.

“Up next is Moon K. Howard, a fan favorite!”

She grinned. “Having the braincell is one of my favorite things in this world.”

Stepping on stage, she waved a glittery cyan microphone in the air. “Welcome, all. I hope you’ve been enjoying the show so far, because now –” the lights switched off everywhere, and a spotlight cast itself on Moon, who shouted – ” – it gets real.“

<°>————–<————<°>

It’s clear to see that the two had always been close. Romance really wasn’t viable, but marriage for business purposes was. Of course, what brought them together was Pokemon.

Rose had an idea, once. To write a series combining his two favorite things – Pokemon’s girl side characters and magical girl television. The endless support from Moon pushed him to write it, and so far there have been six released chapters.

Moon had already been writing what would start off the Lunar Hearts series, a beloved work by all who visited the Pokemon stands in the Gathering. She was a prominent inspiration to Rose, and he a mild inspiration to her. 

Unfortunately, their marriage went sour because Moon wrote some angst, or something something stonks. Every single time, stonks kills marriages. It’s like a guarantee.

While they were “fighting”, Moon began to sing, because plot. 

“All you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby,
I think we can all agree I’m the ten amongst these threes – “

“Uh, who would those be??” 

‘All you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby,
And ever since I was a child, I’d write some couples going wild
All you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby
Take my first fanfic, the Lunar Heart’s Fate
I was young, it’s true, but even then I knew
The only thing you wanna to do is – “

Moon said “write” but in a weird way. Hard T.

“Broad, dark, cringy Fate
Taught me all about the difference between good and great
It’s been about two years 
And I’m still feeling the hatred and fears
I’d spend hours writing that trash
 Of Luna and Gladion being quite rash
I took them all the way to T 
Went from major to minor, graded C to B – “

“I write what I need, 
And what I want, I want to read 
‘Cause I feel the chemistry
Like I get them and you get me – “

“Wait, get who?”

“The characters, dummy!”

“And maybe this is it
I just care so much, it feels legit
Lunarlogic’s got have a connection
I think this fic is different ~!”

“‘Cause all you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby
Is write them, draw them, can’t get enough of ’em
All you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby
Is hold them, love them, torture and kill them
Let them kiss for the last time 
Before you send them off to die Playtime’s over
The only thing you wanna do is…”

“Write angst.”

“I mean, it’s the truth,” Rose shrugged. 

“Yeah, that didn’t work out,
So I decided to have a break from fics
And you’ll never guess what I wrote
Cool, inspired, Rematch the AU
Supremely amazing VGC fic.”

“….”

“It’s not – ” Moon tried to interrupt feebly.

“Shut, this is appreciation time.”

“Globally revered
Although you wouldn’t know it from the look of those tags
Made me an AO3 writer for real
Hurled me and my friends up in the stonks
They all gave me kudos and they swear it’s true
That without me, they wouldn’t know what they’d do – “

“It’s True!”

“You say Gladiluna’s what you need,
All you want, we both agree
This is the series for me
I’m finally where I’m meant to be
Then they start saying all this stuff
They care so much, they called me love
They say we have this connection
I guess it’s not so different – “

“Wait, who’s them again?”

“Everyone in the server!”

“So they’re the bad guy?”

“Noooooooo, just listen.”

“‘Cause all you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby
Is write them, draw them, can’t get enough of ’em
All you wanna do
All you wanna do, baby
Is hold them, love them, torture and kill them
There’s no time for when or how ’cause i
Just got to write it now
Playtime’s over
The only thing you wanna do is…”

“So we finished the series – “

Moon pumped a fist without vigor.

“Woo.
With Gladiluna, it isn’t easy
My writing’s short, and anything but breezy 
Except for this one fanfic

It’s a really nice idea, just so sincere
The Lunarlogic life isn’t what I planned
But this kalos fic is there to lend a helping hand
So sweet, and it’s making me fall for Alain
And I write it loads when the gang looks away
This fic finally
Is what I want, the idea I need
Sparks fly, real chemistry
I get it and it gets me – “

“How can a fic get you – “

“SHUSH – “

“And there’s nothing more to it
I just care so much, now I’m devoted
Now I have a connection…”

“How am I gonna tell them I wanna write this now?”

“I thought this time was different
Why did I think now would be different?
But it’s never, ever different ~ !”

“Mamma mia, here we – “

“Rose, no. Wrong song.”

“‘Cause all I wanna do
All I wanna do, baby
Is write them, when will enough be enough, then?
All I wanna do
All I wanna do, baby
Love them, don’t care if it near-kills me
They kiss and kill with a stroke of my pen
As you tell me, ‘No, Lance, here we go again!’

“Playtime’s over
Playtime’s over
Playtime’s over
The only thing
The only thing
The only thing I wanna do is…”

“Write angst.”

<°>————–<————<°>

“Did you even get a bedhead at all???”

“Er, no. Sorry I missed up the theme.”

“Wow. Tragic,” said Viperine sarcastically. “Now it’s time for Wollowine the Sus.”

Wollowine, who was in the back looking at their phone the entire time, still looked at their phone. “Did you hear something? I think it was the wind.”

“That was me!!! Notice me senpai!!!” Viperine slapped the phone out of Wollowine’s hands. Moon and Moons gasped in moounison, and Darkie flipped her hair, which was a wig because the Bedhead.

“I will never notice you, Viper loser!!! You should be dead because I killed you for your monies!!!”

“Too bad!!!! Rose and Moons revived me and now I have the monies, and you can’t taKE them from me!!”

“I have other eays of getting monies anyways…. this gathering isn’t over yet…”

“The Gathering is almost over! Now it’s time for the final performance, from Wollowine Parr!”

“Like the Parrs from the Incredibles???”

That guy was also thrown out under the Bad Name Jokes policy.

When she stepped foot on stage, Wollow flashed all her viewers a toothy smile. “Hewwo uwu!1!!! Stonks 4 life owowowowow!!!1! and now my song”

“H-how did she say that aloud…?”

<°>————–<————<°>

“You know I love you, cash…”

“I’m… not cash?” Rose was startled, but he did have a couple hundreds out of his pocket.

“In every single way
Though I love you, cash
I’ll miss you every day
Oh I love you, cash
I wish that I could stay with you
And keep the life I made with you – “

“Wollow, you know this is supposed to be a song about me, right?”

Wollow shook their head. “You fail to see the bigger picture. If we get married, we can have: up stonks, down stonks, left stonks, right stonks. All the stonks.”

“And even though this feels so right
I’m holding back the tears tonight
It’s true, I’ll never be over you
‘Cause I have built a future in my mind with you
And now the hope is gone
There’s nothing left for me to do
You know it isn’t true
But I must say to you…”

“Sorry, Wollow, but I marry for love.”

Wollowine made an angry face. “But I love the cash!!! This is so sad. The river isn’t flowing >:(“

“That I don’t need your love, no, no
I don’t need your love, no, no
It’ll never be better than it was, no, no
But I don’t need your love, no, no..”

“Fine, fine. Since you are so desperate, I’ll marry you.”

“XDDd stonks time!!!”

“I’ve got no choice
With Rose, I stay alive
Never had a choice
Been a wife twice before, just to survive
I don’t have a choice
If the Rose says, “It’s you”, then it’s you!”

“The Rose…?”

“lol”

“No matter how I feel
It’s what I have to do
But if, somehow, I had that choice
No holding back, I’d raise my voice
I’d say “Rose, yeah, it’s true
I’ll never be a wife to you
‘Cause I am not your wife to enjoy ’til there’s some stonks in market
As if I’m gonna give up my cash, my work, my dreams
To love for you
Ha, sweetheart, get a clue
There’s nothing you can do – “

“This is a major bruh moment.”

“S T O N K S”

“I don’t need your love, no, no
No, I don’t need your love, no, no
There’s nothing left to discuss, no, no
But I don’t need your love, no, no!”

Wollowine and Rose were still married, surprisingly.

“So I sent that letter to my cash
Got married to Rose-E-Belt
Became the one who invested
I’ve told you about my life
The final wife
But why should that story
Be the one I have to sing about?”

“That’s not my story
There’s so much more
Remember that I was a artist
I made memes and edits for Flight Rising Fought with Viper a hundred times
So all my stonks could independently
Go up the ranks
I even got a conman to paint my picture
Why can’t I tell that story?
‘Cause in history
I’m fixed! as one of six!
And without him
I disappear…

“What even…”

“We all disappear…”

All the wives began to crowd around Rose, grinning mischievously.

“So we had no choice – “

“Wrong – “

“But now it’s us alone – “

“That’s sus – “

“So we’ve got no choice,
No, we’ve got no choice 
We’re taking back the microphone – “

“I didn’t even get a microphone!!”

“I’m gonna raise my voice
They always said
‘We need your love’
But it’s time for us to rise above
It’s not what went down in history
But tonight I’m singing this for me – “

“Okay, valid.” Rose ate some popcorn.

“Rose, yeah, I’m through
Too many times it’s been told
And I have had enough (I’ve had enough)
Love stories to get old
And you might think it’s tough
But I’ve got to let your love run cold
We’re taking back control (we’re taking back control)
You need to know
I don’t need your love (hey), no, no
No, I don’t need your love, no, no
Can’t let it get the better of us, no, no
I don’t need your love, no, no
I don’t need your love (hey, I don’t need your love) no, no
No, I don’t need your love (I don’t need your love)
I don’t need your love (no, I don’t need it)
I don’t need your love, no-no-no-no-no (no, I don’t need it)
I don’t need your love
We don’t need your love!”

Rose slow clapped. “Alrighty. So no more marriage between us? That’s cool.” He then realized something. “Wait, I already divorced all of you. Except Wollow.”

“I want monies!!!”

“So we are still married?”

“No!!!!”

“But then – “

“Everyone, please leave immediately. Grose and I have important matters to discuss.”

Everyone left, because they trusted Wollow????

<°>————–<————<°>

“Wait, what happened after that?” Moons asked. “You got divorced?”

“Technically, no, but also yes.”

Moon put her hands on her hips. “Wait, I don’t even remember being a part of that song. Wollow, you made that up!”

Everyone gasped.

“Yeah, what’d you expect??”

Rose’s ghost floated above everyone. “Wollow is a liar liar pants on fire,” he proclaimed at the top of his lungs for everyone in the Gaythering to hear.

“OMG!”

“Fudgesticks!”

“I can’t believe it!”

“That’s right. She – “

“They MURDERED YOU????” Moons sobbed at Rose’s shadow. “DGFYFHFGDYEYRHITUGIJKJH”

Wollowine shook their head virulently. “I’m not a murderer! Why would you – ” They paused. Looked at their clothes. Looked at Viper. “Oh. Right. Nah, I just sent Rose off to Barbados.”

“WHERE I GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!” 

“Dang,” Viperine said. “Hardcore. I mean, why didn’t you do that to me???”

“You weren’t worth the effort.”

“AND ROSE WAS???”

“:(” said Rose. He disappeared.

“Wait! Rose!” called Moon after him.

“Yes?”

“Do you have a braincell?”

“No, I lost that guy right after I got eaten. Thank goodness, too. I was acting all weird again.” He laughed a little. “So actually, thanks, Wollow.”

Wollow cringed. “Please don’t ever say those words to me ever again.”

<°>————–<————<°>

tHe eNd

which team won the gathering, or has it not been announced yet?