Fan Fiction

Chapter Thirteen
Dove started hearing cat’s voices. Where was she? Dove remembered her life flash before her eyes and then the world went black.
“Is she okay?” Jay’s panicked.
“She’s going to be fine, she’s breathing, and they’re fine too,” Sunflight’s voice meowed. Who else is going to be fine other than me? Dove thought, I don’t think I can be kitting when I faint. Dove peeled her yellow eyes open. She saw a very familiar place… no, it couldn’t be! This was the WingClan nursery! WHERE DOVE WAS KITTED!
“See? She’s fine,” Sunflight meowed.
“What happened?” Dove asked.
“Well, when you fainted, me and some other cats carried you to the WingClan camp,” Jay meowed, “And you kept kitting despite the fact that you fainted.”
“My whole life flashed before my eyes while I fainted,” Dove meowed. Suddenly, with a jolt, she realized: She wasn’t feeling kicking and squirming in her belly anymore! No more spasms and pain!
“Where are my kits?” Dove asked.
“Look down,” Sunflight smiled. Dove looked, and there she saw 3 tiny she-kits and 1 tiny tom-kit. There were two dark red she-kits, one light red she-kit, and the tom-kit was a silver tabby.
“They’re beautiful,” Dove gasped, “More than I thought, and boy, did I think a lot about them.” Her kits were all sleeping, their paws twitching as they dreamed about hunting, probably. Dove’s little Warriors. Suddenly, Dove noticed red spots on all the kits. They weren’t spots on their fur. They were little pools, starting to trickle down their tiny bodies.
“WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON MY KITS?!” Dove screams, moving them as close to her as possible.
“It’s yours,” Sunflight pointed out, “And so is all the blood soaking your most ness and on the nursery floor.” Dove yelped and started cleaning the kits.
“Sunflight, someone would like to see Dove,” Scorchflame, Dove’s mentor when she had been an apprentice here, stuck his scarred red head in.
“Okay, I’ll leave so that cat can come in,” Sunflight meowed. Dove was still licking the blood of her little silver tabby tom-kit, who was now trying to retreat, which roused his sisters, who started mewling.
“I see that there is a little situation going on there,” Jay meowed happily about his kits.
“I can tell,” Dove meowed. She let all her kits come and drink her milk to calm them down. A sick looking dark red she-cat padded into the nursery. Dove didn’t recognize her until she looked at the eyes. Orange eyes. The eyes seemed to say “Is it really you?”
“I can’t believe it’s you!”
“I can’t believe you’re alive!”
“How have things been?”
“What happened to you?”
“I had kits!”
“They’re beautiful.” Pause.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Dove and her sister, Cloudheart, meowed at the same time.
“Anyone care to inform me on what the StarClan is going on?” Jay asked.
“Jay, this is my sister, Cloudheart, Cloudheart, this is my mate, Jay,” Dove meowed.
“Actually, it’s Cloudstar now,” Cloudstar meowed.
“Oh wow!” Dove meowed, “Which life are you on?”
“Last, I’m afraid, and I’m quick sick, almost dying,” Cloudstar meowed.
“I can’t let you die, I just came here!” Dove pouted.
“Not yet,” Cloudstar meowed, “So, what are you naming them?”
“Well, the two dark red she-kits are Rubykit and Cloudkit, and the light red she-kit is Skykit,” Dove meowed.
“Okay, and what about the tom-kit?” Cloudstar asked.
“His name is Sam, like my former leader when I was a loner at Sam’s Barn,” Jay meowed, “Until we were attacked by stinking Bailey’s Barn.”
“How about Salmonkit?” Dove asked, “Salmon has Sam in it, and Salmonkit is a Clan name, just like Rubykit, Cloudkit, and Skykit.”
“Wait, so we’re Clan cats now?” Jay asked.
“Yes, I guess so,” Dove meowed, “I’m a Clan cat again. I’ll just be Dovefeather again, but Jay, do you want a Warrior name?”
“Give me some time to think,” Jay meowed.
“Okay,” Cloudstar nodded. Dovefeather’s kits had stopped suckling and were now taking a nap again. Suddenly, Cloudstar fell over and started dying.
“No, Cloudstar, I’ve already lost mother and father, I can’t loose you too!” Dovefeather cried. Sunflight ran in, but Cloudstar was already dying. No one could save her.
“Dovefeather, you are the rightful Queen of this Clan,” Cloudstar meowed, “StarClan is trying to tell me that, and you too. You have heirs. I have none. I wasn’t the rightful Queen all along. You just needed time to find your heart. And it lies here. Dovefeather, you are not Queen of WingClan.”
“No-no-no-Cloudstar!” Dovefeather cried, “One last thing.”
“What?” Cloudstar coughed.
“I love you, and you’re the best sister a she-cat could ask for,” Dovefeather cried.
“Please watch your kits and make sure Cliffheart doesn’t do anything stupid,” Cloudstar started crying too, “Again.”
“I’ll miss you,” Dovefeather cried, “Sister.”
“And I’ll miss you too,” Cloudstar cried. And Cloudstar died. Dovefeather knew what she had to do. She fell asleep.
***
In her dream, she was in StarClan. Rubystar stepped forward, all starry and magestic.
“In this life, I give you freedom,” Rubystar meowed, “You will always leave the rouge forest untouched, and will often visit.”
“I’ve missed you,” Dovefeather whispered. The next cat was a starry orange tom.
“With this life, I give you justice,” Smokeflame, Dovefeather’s father, meowed, “It will lead your Clan through hard times.” An orange she-cat stepped forwards.
“I am Tormalineclaw,” she meowed, “With this life, I give you sense. Use it well for seeing common sense.” After all of her lives but one had been given, Dovefeather was excited. She was about to become Dovestar! Just what she’d always dreamed of! A sleek, starry red she-cat who actually kind of looked a little like she was just cured from a sickness padded forwards.
“Cloudstar,” Dovefeather whispered to her sister.
“Dovefeather, with this life I give you love,” Cloudstar meowed, “Use it on all the cats of your Clan.”
“Now you are Dovestar,” all the cats meowed, “Dovestar! Dovestar!” Dovestar smiled. She woke up and padded out of the nursery. She lept into the treetop. Her treetop. She sat down in it and stared down at WingClan. Her Clan.
“Cloudstar is dead,” Dovestar shouted, “I have come back and had my kits. I have recived 9 lives. I am now Dovestar!”
“Dovestar! Dovestar!” the whole Clan cheered.
“And I would like to introduce your new king,” Dovestar meowed, “Jay!” Jay stepped out of the nursery and sat down next to Sunflight at the tree roots.
“Jay, will you acept a Warrior name?” Dovestar asked.
“Yes,” Jay meowed.
“I, Dovestar, leader of WingClan, call upon my Warrior ancestors to look down on my mate. He knows how to hunt, fight, and protect cats weaker then himself, and he will learn the Warrior code quickly,” Dovestar meowed, “I hope that you let me give him his Warrior name. Jay, you will now permenantly be known as Jayheart, for your kindness and fairness.”
“Jayheart! Jayheart!” the Clan cheered. Dovestar and her mate padded to the nursery to their kits.
Finally, Dovestar had claimed her treetop.

Thrushpelt’s Trust—Chapter 11

“Be careful,” Smallear murmured, hovering at Thrushpaw’s shoulder, close enough that he could feel the pale grey tom’s breath on the back of his ears. “Remember, this isn’t a competition. We’re just trying to get a feel for what we need to work on.” 
“C’mon, how am I supposed to train if you’re practically sitting on my opponent?” Whitepaw objected, scowling at her mentor. She turned back to Thrushpaw, and rolled her good eye. “I could beat him with both my eyes clawed.” 
Thrushpaw squared his shoulders, and glanced over at Adderfang for permission to start. 
He was pretty sure that he and Smallear were both far more nervous about her first training session since the badgers than Whitepaw was, despite the fact that she was the one with a blind eye. As his mentor nodded, Whitepaw scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue. 
With a deep breath, Thrushpaw moved forwards, much slower than he would normally attack. Whitepaw caught his eyes briefly, her eye sparkling with amusement. “Really?” she muttered, side stepping him and throwing her shoulder against his. 
Emboldened, he rolled with the momentum, lashing out with his hindlegs as he dropped. She darted forwards to pin him, and his hindpaw caught her squarely in the jaw. 
“I said to be careful!” Smallear squawked as Whitepaw flinched and sat down hard on her haunches. 
Thrushpaw sprang back to his feet, trying to catch his sister’s gaze. “Are you alright? I’m sorry, I should have moved slower…” 
“I’m fine,” Whitepaw muttered, rubbing at her cheek with a paw. “It doesn’t really hurt that much.” She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. 
“You got him pretty good at the beginning,” Adderfang commented, stretching. The tabby sidled over to Thrushpaw, and boxed him lightly over the ears. “You threw too much weight into that strike, kid. A bigger cat would have sent you flying.” 
Whitepaw flicked an ear in their direction, her eye opening into a little slit. “I’m not an idiot,” she replied tartly, then sighed. “Sorry, I just…..this is going to take some getting used to.” She shrugged, and rose back to her paws. “Let’s go again.” 
This time, he kept to the defensive, letting her move first. Her reaction time was much better when he stuck to her good side, but her expression grew progressively more frustrated. 
“That was really good!” Thrushpaw praised as she stepped away, letting him rise back to her feet. 
“Thrushpaw, no one will go easy on me in a real fight,” Whitepaw objected, glancing between Smallear and Adderfang. “Right?”
“Well-” Smallear began, but Adderfang cut him off. 
“Exactly,” Adderfang agreed, nodding to Whitepaw. Smallear bristled slightly, and Adderfang shot him a small smirk. “Yeah, yeah, I know I’m stealing your apprentice. But she’s never going to improve if we don’t push her.
“You obviously still remember all your training,” he continued, “But it’s obviously going to be harder to fight with one eye. You’re going to start relying on your peripheral vision more, okay?” 
“Of course,” Whitepaw replied, seeming a little less agitated. 
“Here, let’s just go back to the basics,” Adderfang said, nudging Thrushpaw out of the way so that he was facing the apprentice. “I’m going to swipe at you on your blind side, and you just work on ducking for now.”
Thrushpaw sat back, watching as his mentor drilled her on her reaction time, moving progressively faster and faster. Each time his paw hit her face, Thrushpaw flinched, but maybe that was the problem. He had been too worried about hurting her to help her train properly. 
 “That’s going to take some getting used to,” Whitepaw commented as they headed back to camp, sounding like her chipper self again. 
“I’m sure you’ll be back to kicking Tawnyspots’ rear in no time,” Thrushpaw replied, then fell quiet. 
It kept sneaking up on him like that, when he least expected it. The clan had already started to move on from Rainfur’s death, but Thrushpaw was always stumbling on fond memories that had turned bittersweet. 
He closed his eyes, allowing the memory of Rainfur teasing Tawnyspots to fill his head. He could practically hear her voice, when he really focussed, but not quite. 
“I miss her too,” Whitepaw murmured under her breath. 

As night began to fall, Pinestar gathered the clan together beneath the highrock, the leader’s reddish fur gleaming like fresh blood in the clear light of the full moon. “Evening, all,” the leader called, peering down at them. “It’s just about time for us to head to the gathering, and I suppose some of you might want to come.” 
“Pinestar thinks he’s so funny,” Specklepaw grumbled from beside Thrushpaw, and Dapplepaw shushed her. Thrushpaw was inclined to agree, the leader’s jokes, if they could be counted as those, paled in comparison to any of Rainfur’s. 
“In addition Sunfall, Goosefeather, and Featherwhisker,” Pinestar continued, “Windflight, Poppydawn, Rooktail, Littlestep, Rabbitleap, Stonepelt,Swiftbreeze, Adderfang, Mistpelt, Specklepaw, Whitepaw, Dapplepaw, and Thrushpaw, please meet us at the clan entry in a few minutes to head out!”
“We! Get! To! Go! To! A! Gathering!” Whitepaw cheered, bouncing to her feet as Pinestar hopped down from the highrock. 
“Finally!” Dapplepaw added, her pelt prickling with excitement. 
Despite the fact that they were over 10 moons old now, they’d never been to a gathering before. Thrushpaw grinned at his sisters, excited as well, but he couldn’t quite bury the stab of grief that Rainfur wouldn’t get to show them around. 
“Are you guys excited?” Windflight asked, appearing beside them as they drifted towards the camp entrance. Dapplepaw and Whitepaw nodded, Whitepaw still bouncing like a rabbit that had had too much catnip. 
Thrushpaw looked over at his father, and Windflight’s gaze flickered away. “Yeah, I’m pretty excited,” he replied, turning his own gaze up to the full moon. 
“Good,” Windflight muttered, “That’s good.” 
Now that Rainfur’s body wasn’t around to stare at, Windlfight’s eyes always seemed to be dancing around, as he couldn’t look at them. Thrushpaw didn’t mind.
“Alright, let’s get going!” Sunfall called, dragging Thrushpaw’s attention back to the den entrance. 
“Gathering, here we come!” Whitepaw added, her eye sparkling with anticipation.

 Thrushpaw stuck close to Adderfang as they reached fourtrees, his eyes widening at the sight of all the different pelts glittering in the moonlight. He’d known, of course, that the other clans had cats, but he’d certainly never seen so many in one spot. 
“Riverclan’s late again,” Adderfang remarked, shaking his head. 
“How can you tell?” Thrushpaw asked, glancing about. One of the big groups seemed to have just arrived, and only one leader was perched up in the tree, a dark gray cat with a white belly. 
Adderfang snorted, his whiskers twitching. “We’d be able to smell them a mile away.” He nodded towards the gray cat up in the tree, and added, “That’s Cedarstar of Shadowclan, and the pinkish she-cat hopping up beside him is Heatherstar.” 
Thrushpaw nodded, glancing briefly at the Windclan leader before returning his gaze to the crowd around him. There were so many of them, all smelling strange and chattering. 
“Why don’t you go find someone to chat with while we wait for the fish faces?” Adderfang suggested, giving Thrushpaw a nudge.
Thrushpaw stumbled, almost colliding with a ginger she-cat. “I was hoping I could stick with you,” he admitted, blinking hopefully at his mentor. 
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Adderfang objected, shaking his head. “Go on, have fun. Us warriors just sit around and compare battle tactics anyway, you’d be bored half to death.” 
Thrushpaw opened his mouth to object, but Adderfang had already turned and slipped away into the fray. He turned, looking for his siblings, but he couldn’t find their pelts in the sea of cats either. 
Stomach churning, Thrushpaw spun around, desperately glancing around for a familiar face. He knew he wasn’t the only Thunderclan cat around, so where was everyone else? 
Shoulders hunched, he krept between conversations, sniffing for Thunderclan scent. He didn’t really want to meet new cats, certainly not on his own. 
“Thrushpaw!” 
Thrushpaw let out a sigh of relief at the sound of Whitepaw’s voice, and forced a weak smile as she appeared beside him. “Have you talked to anyone yet?” 
“Not yet,” she said, shaking her head. “There’s so many options! How am I going to get to know everyone?” 
Thrushpaw stared, amazed. Why would she want to get to know everyone? The abundance of options was the exact reason why he wanted to go right back to Thunderclan, where he knew all of his clanmates. 
“Hey, watch it,” grumbled an unfamiliar voice as Whitepaw bumped into  a scrawny brown tom, who looked about their age. 
“Oops, sorry!” Whitepaw chirped, grinning, “I’m Whitepaw, what’s your name?” 
The tom squinted at her, his brow furrowing at the sight of her bad eye. “What’s up with your face?” 
Thrushpaw already didn’t like this apprentice. He shifted closer to Whitepaw, letting his pelt brush against her as he carefully watched her face. She was so excited, and here was some dumb apprentice about to ruin her mood. 
Apparently, he shouldn’t have been worried.
“My face?” Whitepaw said, frowning with mock confusion. “Oh, I get it! I’m smiling, silly, it’s something that happens when I’m happy. Anyway, what’s your name?” 
“Shrewpaw, and I meant your eye,” the tom elaborated. 
“A badger,” Whitepaw said, a little shortly, but still smiling. “Have you ever been to a gathering before? I haven’t! I didn’t realize there were so many cats in the forest.” 
“Well then you’re kind of a mouse brain, aren’t you?” Shrewpaw asked, smirking. “Doesn’t Thunderclan teach its kits about the other clans?”
“Nope, I thought we were the only ones!” Whitepaw deadpanned, glancing sideways at Thrushpaw with an amused look. Thrushpaw was feeling about as bewildered as Shrewpaw appeared. He didn’t understand where Whitepaw’s endless good cheer came from. 
“…..okay,” Shrewpaw replied slowly, as if he couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. 
“Let the gathering begin!” one of the leaders hollered, and the clearing fell into a hushed silence as Cedarstar stepped forward. 
“Prey is running well in Shadowclan,” Cedarstar began, his voice carrying out over the large space, “And although we have no new members, we do have several litters who are on their way to becoming apprentices. Also, we successfully drove out the badgers we mentioned last moon, and we haven’t seen them since.” 
Thrushpaw stiffened, exchanging a long look with Whitepaw. It seemed like too much of a coincidence for that to have nothing to do with Rainfur’s death. 
“Well, I think we’ve seen them,” Pinestar said, his voice a chilly neutral. “Prey is running well for Thunderclan as well, but tragically Rainfur was killed about half a moon ago by three badgers. We’ve since chased the badgers out of clan territory.” 
Thrushpaw closed his eyes, trying unsuccessfully to keep his mind out of hypotheticals. If Shadowclan had just been more conscious about where they had sent the badgers, would Rainfur have still been alive? It didn’t matter, but it still made his pelt burn with anger. 
“Did you know her?” Shrewpaw asked from behind him, snapping Thrushpaw out of his thoughts.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “She was our mom.” 
“Oh,” the other apprentice replied quietly, frowning. 
“I’d like to go next,” Heatherstar interjected curtly, her gaze also fixed coldly on Cedarstar. “Windclan is thriving as usual, but we’re still recovering from Shadowclan’s attack on our camp. I regret to inform you all that Brackenwing lost her life while bravely protecting her home.” 
Cedarstar said nothing, just tilted his head slightly as if he was fascinated by what Heatherstar had said. Thrushpaw noticed that Shrewpaw’s gaze was sharp with fury, his tail rustling the grass as it twitched back and forth. 
“Did you know her?” he whispered, and Shrewpaw nodded. 
“She was my mom,” Shrewpaw replied, with a thin smile. 
A thick furred gray tom took Heatherstar’s place, and cleared his throat. The silence had gotten significantly stiffer after Pinestar and Heatherstar had spoken, and the leader seemed a little nervous. “Well, the fish are flowing well,” he said, “And thankfully we haven’t had any troubles with those badgers.” 
 “I think Windclan will be going now,” Heatherstar said as soon as he had finished talking, and leaped off of her perch without a second glance at the other leaders. The rest quickly followed her, and the crowds began to shift again. 
“Hey! Whitepaw, and uhhh…” Shrewpaw said, glancing at Thrushpaw.
“Thrushpaw,” Thrushpaw supplied, realizing that he’d never actually introduced himself. 
“And Thrushpaw,” Shrewpaw finished, “I’m sorry about your mom.” 
“I’m sorry about your mom too,” Thrushpaw replied, and Whitepaw echoed her agreement. He blinked at the Windclan apprentice, who gave him a little nod. Thrushpaw hadn’t liked him, but now he was a little sad to see him go. Shrewpaw had seemed rude at first, but he wondered how much of that was just pent up anger and sadness. Even if he was from another clan, loss was universal. 

Tawnyspots greeted them at the entrance of camp, and fell in beside them as they headed towards the apprentices’ den. “How’d it go?” he asked, eyes searching their faces. “Did you have fun? I wish I could have gone to show you around, but I bet Windflight had it covered.” 
“It went pretty good,” Thrushpaw replied, blinking at him. “Whitepaw and I chatted with a Windclan apprentice.” 
“I met some Riverclan apprentices!” Dapplepaw added, her eyes dancing. “I asked them about fish and swimming and why anyone would want to live like that. It actually sounded kind of fun.” 
“Really?” Whitepaw asked, looking mystified. 
Specklepaw opened her mouth to talk, but fell silent as Windflight approached them, making his way slowly across the camp. Poppydawn trailed a little bit behind him, taking small steps. 
“Can I talk to the five of you?” Windflight asked, sitting down beside Tawnyspots. Thrushpaw saw his brother’s eyes narrow slightly, and a flicker of realization hit him. 
He’d been watching his father closely the past half moon, waiting for him to bring the incident up and trying to figure out what she-cat had gotten in between him and Rainfur. Apparently, this was his answer. 
Windflight blinked at Poppydawn as she sat down, then glanced around at his kit’s faces. Poppydawn kept glancing at her paws as the silence grew, looking like she wanted to hide. 
“Go ahead,” Specklepaw replied curtly, with a shrug. As if she didn’t care, which was a load of mousedung. Thrushpaw wondered if his siblings were thinking what he was thinking.
 She’d never replace Rainfur. 
“This is Poppydawn,” Windflight said, twitching his tail against the ginger she-cat’s flank. 
“We know Poppydawn,” Whitepaw said, studying her chillily. 
“Of course,” Windflight murmured, then cleared his throat. “Well, we have a little announcement to make. We’re going to become mates.” 
Poppydawn forced a nervous smile, trying to catch each of their eyes in turn. Only Tawnyspots would hold her gaze, his eyes weary but encouraging. “I’m not looking to take Rainfur’s place or anything, I know she was a wonderful cat, but I look forward to getting to know you all a little better.” 
“It’ll be our pleasure,” Tawnyspots replied pleasantly, shooting Thrushpaw an imploring look. 
She said she didn’t want to replace Rainfur, but everything else was saying otherwise. How long had she been with their father before Rainfur had found out? How long had she wanted to be Windflight’s mate? 
“Okay,” Thrushpaw said, forcing a smile. She seemed nice enough, once he reminded himself not to hate her. No one would want her clanmate to die, right? Surly she regretted what had happened, just like Windflight had. It wasn’t her fault. 
“Okay,” Windflight echoed, grinning. “That’s good. I’m glad you guys are getting along. I think I’m going to… go get some prey,” he said, fumbling over his words. He turned and headed towards the camp entrance. Poppydawn shot them all another weak smile, then shot after him.
Specklepaw sighed, shaking her head. Tawnyspots glared at her as Poppydawn’s retreating form paused slightly, her tail drooping. 
“She seems nice,” Dapplepaw said after a moment. Whitepaw nodded, glancing nervously at Specklepaw. 
“She is nice,” Tawnyspots agreed, standing. “She’s a good warrior and a wonderful hunter.” 
“She’s not Rainfur.” 
The words slipped out before Thrushpaw could stop them, and his siblings turned to stare at him. He suspected they’d all been thinking it, but he hadn’t meant to say them. 
Tawnyspots bristled, scowling. “Of course she’s not Rainfur, Thrushpaw, but you’re going to try a little harder to like her. I saw the way you were watching her, as if she slit Rainfur’s throat herself. And Specklepaw, that goes for you too,” he added, his voice heavy with frustration. 
“I know, I’ll get used to it,” Specklepaw said, shrugging again. “It’s not the first time I’ve exchanged parents.” 
Whitepaw flinched at that, her gaze clouding. “Don’t talk like that, Speck,” she muttered. 
“Why not? It’s true,” Specklepaw shot back, shaking her head. “I’m going to bed,” she added shortly, rising to her feet. Whitepaw trotted after her, and a moment later Dapplepaw departed as well. 
“Are you going to try?” Tawnyspots asked, peering down his nose at Thrushpaw. Thrushpaw shrank slightly under his brother’s burning gaze, his pelt prickling with guilt. He hadn’t meant to be unfriendly, but it just didn’t seem right to greet the cat that his father had been cheating on his mother with. It would be unfair to Rainfur.
“I said okay,” Thrushpaw murmured, looking at his paws. 
“You said it, but you didn’t mean it.” 
Thrushpaw looked up at the iciness in Tawnyspots’ voice, and shook his head. “That’s not fair, Tawnyspots. I don’t have to like, especially when I have plenty of reasons to hate her!” 
“She’s a good cat, I used to practice with her when she was an apprentice,” Tawnyspots growled, “And Dad loves her, so yes, you have to like her! She’s not going to go away!” 
“That’s another thing, she’s younger than you!” Thrushpaw shot back, straightening so that he could look at his older brother. “And she looks kind of like Rainfur. Tell me that isn’t a little weird that our father’s new mate is just a version of our mom that’s half his age!” 
“Dad’s not that old either, you know,” Tawnyspots protested, “He and Rainfur had me right after becoming warriors. It’s not weird unless you make it weird!” 
“Why do you want me to like her so bad?” Thrushpaw challenged, staring at his brother. He wasn’t used to this version of his brother, and he didn’t like him either. “You’re always taking Dad’s side. I’m not surprised you kept his secret.” 
At that, Tawnyspots flinched and closed his eyes, looking sick. Thrushpaw bit his lip, knowing he had gone too far. It wasn’t fair to blame Tawnyspots, not when there were cats who actually did deserve it. 
“Thrushpaw, I’m just trying to keep us together,” Tawnyspots said quietly, eyes still closed. “You four are too young, you shouldn’t have to go through this. And Specklepaw and Whitepaw have lost two moms now, and I just…” He shook his head, and swallowed hard before continuing. “Look, Rainfur’s gone, okay? She’s not coming back, but we need to figure out how to be a family without her. Windflight’s still alive, but we’re losing him too, can’t you feel it?” 
“Yeah,” Thrushpaw muttered, trying to catch his brother’s eyes. 
“He’s not perfect, but don’t try to tell me you’ve just stopped caring about him because of what he did,” Tawnyspots continued, rising to his feet. “He blames himself, you know.” 
Of course he did. It was his fault. 
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Tawnyspts added with a sigh, his whiskers drooping. “You don’t have to like her. I get it, I’m not thrilled either. But…could you try? Please?” 
Thrushpaw considered that, glancing in the direction that Windflight and Poppydawn had gone. 
Tawnyspots was right, he still cared about Windflight. He couldn’t quite equate his doting father to the distant creature that was breaking apart their family, but he was still Windflight. Thrushpaw couldn’t forgive his mistakes, but he couldn’t condemn him with hatred either. 
He certainly didn’t want to lose him. And he’d seen the way Tawnyspots was trying to hold them together, acting more like a father then Windflight was but still reaching out to him. 
Maybe it wasn’t fair to blame Poppydawn either. Thrushpaw didn’t know how they had gotten together, but he did know that neither of them could have intended for things to go this way. 
“I’ll try,” Thrushpaw agreed, stepping closer to Tawnyspots so that he could rest his head against his older brother’s shoulder. 
Tawnyspots dipped his head so that his chin was resting between Thrushpaw’s ears, and sighed. “You’re a good kid, Thrushpaw.” 
Thrushpaw closed his eyes, trying to capture the moment. He remembered back when they were kits, sprawled out on Tawnyspots like he was a big, fuzzy nest. “You’re a good brother,” he said back, eyes still closed. 
He tried to imagine what life would be like if he could forgive Windflight. Perhaps he’d come back from whatever part of his mind he’d retreated from, and be his dad again. Tawnyspots could relax, and they could be happy again. Maybe they’d even learn to love Poppydawn, and they could make a new version of their family, different but whole. 
It was a tempting thought, but it wasn’t right. It was more of a sweet lie, like the ones warriors told kits to keep them from worrying. You’ll be okay, everyone said, even when the food was gone and the bodies were starting to outnumber the living. 
Maybe they would be, but it would never be the same. Rainfur had said she wouldn’t leave them like Harepounce had, but the only promise that had mattered in the end was that she was going to keep them safe. 
He had to try, he reminded himself, trying to push the thoughts of lies and death out of his head. Rainfur would want them to be happy, that was for certain. He had to try, if not for Windflight then for his siblings.